illogical

Sir Steve and I talk every day -- morning and evening..... like clock work.  Last Tuesday I was feeling out of sorts (like most Mondays after we've been together) and I said something about coming to hate messenger and not being able to see him -- see his reactions.  The next thing I knew Sir Steve was requesting a video chat.  Smart man!  It worked wonders on my sinking heart..... and after an hour chatting... as I was saying goodnight.... I promised him he didn't have to do it every night.  It had worked it's magic and I was fine again.

I do love our evening chats -- we tease and laugh -- sometimes we have serious discussions -- sometimes we're quiet and watch our individual TV shows... but I know he's just there ready to answer me when I talk -- reach out to him.

The one thing I struggle with though -- is from time to time he will just go "POOF" disappear off messenger....... gone -- the lil green dot beside his name gone.  It's stupid I know -- but when that lil green dot disappears I suddenly feel a knot in the pit of my stomach.... like someone has popped the bubble I am living in and he is gone for good.

It's illogical I know -- and probably a bit obsessive -- I keep praying that the day will come when this fear I have  (that I am living a dream and that one day I am gonna wake up and it will all be over) will just be gone.

Until that day -- my stomach will knot when he goes "poof" .... and my heart will soar when he reappears.