secret life

More than a few years ago I wrote about someone I knew - a friend - whose husband had made regular trips to New York City - or other American cities for camping trips, or biking trips.  Acceptable normal every day excursions.

Until the time the police called her and told her her husband had been found unconscious and was in a coma in hospital.  It turned out that he had been traveling south to visit Pro Dommes.  He had a thing for dressing up in women's underwear - wearing 7" spike heels and being tied up....... preferably with some sort of asphyxiation bondage.  It turned out - one of these secret trysts had ended badly - coma badly.

After he had recovered from his injuries and after she had recovered from her shock and humiliation....... he went to counseling - hell they both may have gone.  I moved out of the area - but kept in touch.  Watched her family - via Facebook - get married - have babies - enjoyed the pictures of her and her husband's trips to visit the children.  Everything seemed - on the outside - to be 'fixed'.

Yesterday when I got home from work I received a phone call from a mutual friend.  She called to tell me that the wife had reported the husband missing on Dec 2nd.  On December 8th she was called by the police and asked to come and identify a body.  It was her husband.

At this point we don't know if he had returned to visiting Pro Dommes..... hell we may never know how or why he died.  But it is difficult to not think about the past...... and wonder if it had some bearing on his death.

My eldest daughter called me (when she heard the news).  We talked about all sorts of every day things........ then she said that she wasn't going to ask - she was sure she knew the answer - but it was bothering her.  I told her to ask.......... She asked if I was careful when I went to play parties - before I could answer her she said "W wouldn't let you get into trouble - I know THAT - but it worries me a little bit."

So we had a little talk - about limits and edge play.  I explained I don't DO breath play in any form - because it is courting death.  It is!!  And I know there are a few that read here that engage in breath play and are sure they are safe.  I am not going to argue with you.  Maybe you are........... maybe you're not.  I just know I will never do something that is so easily life threatening.  

People smirk at me because I won't engage in electric play in ANY form - I don't care how safe it is......... if the instrument of my pain is plugged into electricity it isn't touching me.  I do not know what effect shocks have on my heart ........ the same way I don't know how breath play would affect my brain (as addled as it is) or my heart either.
So as much as W and I do some edge play - I have never nor will I ever do anything that makes me feel it could have lasting health affects.  (and yeah yeah that includes butt plugs and anal play - my fears go from the extreme to the mundane)

And I know one more thing - lying always hurts someone.  I don't understand people who crave this lifestyle and don't tell their spouses.  Better to be "shunned" by your loved ones and be alive - then to be sneaking around behind their backs.  Cause if / when the day comes that police come to your door and ask your spouse / family to come and identify a body....... that is the cruelest thing you can do to the ones you supposedly love.

And that dear readers was how my week ended.......... sadly


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This afternoon I am going over to W's - we are meeting some friends for an intimate dinner and then going to a Christmas Kink party.  I am hoping that the weekend will add some holiday spirit to my life - because right about now my "holiday spirit" meter is very very low.