I was thinking this morning about how my attitude towards a lot of things has changed over the last couple of months. I find I am calmer and laughing more.. having fun more... seeing the joy in living.
Last night I was having a great conversation with friends over coffee.. and the whole topic of sessions versus play came up. Sometimes people take this whole BDSM thing too seriously. Why shouldn't it be fun?? why shouldn't it be like a big game???
And I am the first one to admit I took the whole lifestyle thing WAY too seriously for WAY too many years!!!
I think I tried for too many years to "keep up with the Jones" sort of thing. I have said it before and I will say it again (and hopefully it will stick!!) the internet has far too much influence over how *I* thought BDSM should look .. should sound.. should be. As well - how others did things had too much of an affect on me. If the "Jones" do it that way - and they have been in the lifestyle for X number of years longer than me...... then I should use them as model. And god forbid I should embarrass whomever I was playing with.
In the past I have been accused of being a brat...... of hitting dominants... of not knowing my place.
Well I am fast learning I can be THE brat........ and I can wiggle my ass ... and I can smirk and laugh and stamp my feet during a play time. (I don't think I am allowed to hit dominants yet......... but HEY !! I did get the ok to bite a dominant on Saturday - so maybe I can hit!!)
I have had a few emails over the last few days from concerned friends - friends who probably saw the play on Saturday - or heard about it - or just read my blog. And they worried. Was I ok?? was the question of the day.
I am here to say publicly loud and clear -
I am fine! Better than fine !!! I am having a blast. I have grabbed hold of life by the tail and I am enjoying the ride !!
And who knows............. maybe the next event I go to ...... I will slip a clown nose on and make a fashion statement!
I am fine! Better than fine !!! I am having a blast. I have grabbed hold of life by the tail and I am enjoying the ride !!
ReplyDeleteAwesome. Like that quote about showing up in heaven all disheveled, exclaiming, "WOW! what a ride!", rather than showing up looking as if you had barely lived. Ha, I love that quote!
The anti-brat thing always bothered me too. Amongst a lot of other stuff. I mean, if you have a working power/exchange on any kind of frequent basis, and you enjoy feeling "put in your place" but you don't *ever* get to brat, then how the hell do you get in "trouble" so you can be properly "punished"? I get it that some people don't enjoy that specific type of PE dynamic, it's all serious serious shit and god forbid you "misbehave" and for them, if that makes them happy, great, but for a lot of people, maybe even the vast majority, that's the whole point; to flex those PE muscles. Just getting beaten for no reason would do absolutely zip for me. Zero.
On the other hand, it would get tiresome for the Dom/Top for the sub to *always* be bratting and I get that too.
I don't care who says, "This is the way it's supposed to be". No it isn't, not if it's making someone unhappy. There is *plenty* in life to be unhappy about, omg, let me list the ways! Death and taxes and illness and a host of crap we humans must deal with against our will, so why open yourself up to something that's making you unhappy when the point is to be happy? But a ton of people do just that. We did that for a while too, "omg, we're not doing it right! Change it!" and we were miserable and it sucked, lol.
So what if I "top from the bottom" sometimes? You know what? He thinks it's amusing to a point, then when he gets tired of me doing that, he lets me know quite emphatically and satisfactorily, the status quo is readjusted and then we start all over again. No worries, no "OMG! You're topping! OMG! You're not 'doing it right'"
Besides, my Dom has *always* maintained that the sub/bottom has all the power, anyway. No matter what anyone says, no matter the protests, the truth is the sub holds all the cards. Period. He says you can pretend right up to your dying breath that it's not like that but unless you're in a country where legally you can own another person, everyone has the right to get up and leave. Even if the s-type says they are too well trained/brainwashed/broken/whathaveyou. Never ever in a million billion years would the s ever leave, never ever ever... but the real truth is, we can. If it ever got to a breaking point for that s. (And a lot of s-types do and have gotten to that point although after things blow over they like to pretend they never did, lol)
Of course, that's not hot at all to say the truth like that about a cherished fantasy so it's considered very bad form. But I don't mind knowing it's only real to a point, it goes back to the real/unreal thing. Holding two opposite thoughts at the same time and believing them both. Works for me!
Anyway, as long as you're happy, so what?
I'm so VERY glad to see you enjoying yourself like this, it's great, morningstar. :)
~~A
This is all delightful news considering *you* have been into BDSM x years more than I have and I look up to what I read here from your experiences! :)
ReplyDeleteThough I am very afraid of clowns ;)
viemoira - LOL - ever heard of pushing one's limits?? LOL
ReplyDeleteok i promise no clown nose if we ever meet :)