i love flowers.... all flowers... well with the exception of golden rod and ragweed... because like so many others i suffer from major allergies in the Fall thanks to those two plants! The school across the street actually has ragweed growing along the fence.. the fields and forests in my neighbourhood have them growing in abundance..and the island i work on is one massive field of yellow... i do not have a hope in hell of surviving the season unscathed.
The most frustrating part of the problem is .. i feel dopey all the time.. (no snide comments from those that actually know me!!!) my muscles are limp and useless, my brain feels like it is drugged (AND it isn't the drugs i am on .. cause i am not allowed to take the over the counter fixer uppers anymore) my vision is blurred .. so those pretty yellow flowers look pretty much like this...out of focus.. and blurry..
Actually life looks pretty much like that right now.. out of focus and blurry...... and i am so not a pretty picture myself.. my nose is red .. swollen and dripping.. my eyes are puffy and red and itchy.. ughhhhhhh find me a hole , let me hide in it until the first snow fall please!!!!!!!
i have never claimed to be rational.. so instead of staying safely inside with the air filters on yesterday.. Sir and i went off to the great outdoors .. to sit amongst the pretty yellow flowers and cheer on my grandson's soccer team (well it was their final tournament of the season .. what is a granny to do!??) By the time Sir got me home i was a dripping, sniffing, blobbering (yes yes crying is not advised when one's nose and eyes are runny and itchy!! but insanity also comes along with the allergy!) limp rag doll of a subbie.
However we did discover there is one side of my personality that is not affected by pretty yellow flowers.. not even one little bit... and that is my desire for pain. So.. last evening i was sitting absent mindedly playing with the new rod bundle Sir picked up at camp... slapping it against my thighs while Sir was watching television..
i looked up rather dopey at one point and said.. "no bruises" sort of pouty like.. to which Sir responded "you aren't doing it hard enough" and taking the rod bundle in hand, He proceeded to whallop my thighs... i was soon screeching and yelping and bouncing up and down on my pillow, laughing and begging Sir to stop. i even tried a trade-off.. my breasts for my thighs.. thinking He would find my breasts more fun than my thighs. Guess What!!?? Sir decided to do both .. thighs and breasts.!! Every so often He would lean down and ask me .. "am I having fun yet??" to which i would gasp.. "i sure as hell hope so Sir!!"
After dinner, in my allergy induced stupor .. (Sir was using the rod bundle on my ass now..during the advertisements on television - just sort of to pass the time) i heard myself asking if i might have permission to fetch the cane!!? Now that just proves i am suffering from more than blurry vision!! More like blurry fuzzy brain! So the cane was fetched, and the rod bundle put away for the time being. Every advertisement had me up on my knees - tshirt pulled up around my neck - ass exposed.. and Sir enjoying laying on more than a few with the cane.
Sir finished off the evening with a nice hand spanking ... just before He tucked His totally blurry .. sniffling subbie into bed for the night..............
does anyone know WHEN the first major frost is?? sighhhhhhhhhhh
Life kinda got in the way of finishing both the task and the blog entry.. Here it is Wednesday already........ i did manage to purchase the hair brush and came home actually excited to try the exercise.. If kaya could do it .. so could i.. was my thinking.. i was even so sure of myself.. i asked Sir if i might have permission to cum................. He said .. "ok BUT just this time!"
Welllllllll, let me tell you something.. orgasm was the farthest thing from my mind as i tried and tried to coax that sucker into me. i pushed i pulled i spread i scrunched up my face i even used KY and there was no way that hair brush was going all the way in!! i believe i got it one third of the way in when hope died. It just wasn't going in any further!! Now i am wondering did i wimp out or did it just not fit??? i am pulling for the not fitting answer... i said to Sir in my email report that i am sure i am turning back into a virgin!!!
So kaya..... my hat's off to you .. you take the hairbrush challenge hands down .. as far as i am concerned.. (now what Sir has to say about the whole issue is a completely different kettle of fish)...
Sir was proud or happy - i am truthfully not sure.. and yeah i was happy too.. BUT this morning - Monday morning before i head off to work i am wondering why is it we both were happy my ass was bruised??
Back when having my ass spanked/flogged/whipped and paddled was new.. i marked so well that there were times i couldn't play for days afterwards - so black and blue was i..... Yes this paddle marked me.. on Friday night.. but it didn't mark me when Sir used it again on Saturday and again on Sunday... not one lil mark... now what is that about?? !!! It used to be .. in my silly subbie brain.. some sort of gold star - the bruising.. i had taken what Sir gave out and i had the marks to prove it. Sir is not going easier on me - if anything quite the contrary - so why don't i mark anymore??? AND why is it so important to be marked??
i proudly wear Sir's permanent marks on my body - a tattoo and a piercing.. so why do bruises count?? why are they sought after like some Holy Grail??? i am beginning to believe we are gonna fill walls and walls with toys that are guaranteed to leave marks only to be disappointed. Maybe my ass just won't mark anymore........ pointe finale.
On Sunday afternoon Sir used the teflon paddle in a way He has never used any toy.... and it excited me. He had me lie on my tummy on my pillow on the floor and He sat beside me.. wrapping an arm around me to hold me in place and i wrapped an arm around Him just to feel Him close to me.. to be able to soak up His scent.. to feel His heart beating... and then He went to work on my ass with the paddle.. light teasing taps that gradually built and built and built until He was laying on 2 or 3 or 4 real good whallops before stopping and using the cool edges to tease my sensitive spots - like the small of my back, the crack between my ass cheeks, when i was moaning softly and actually lifting my ass up for the next soft stroke .. Sir would start the tap tap tap light strokes - building building building to the last 2 to 4... sharp... hard...rock me to my very soul strikes .. the type that took my breath away and left tears streaming down my face. and i loved it.. i was dripping wet and wishing that i had a vibrator or His hand inside of me.. deep inside of me where the heat builds...
This morning .. despite all the paddling... i have no new bruises.. the one from Friday is fading.. (and yeah Sir paid particular attention to IT on the weekend - trying .. i am sure .. to enlarge it) but more important than bruises on my ass.. i have a warmth deep inside of me and an image of Sir holding me close .. of His smell and His heart beat.. as He teased and tickled and beat me... that is an image that will not soon fade...
so why the need for bruising??? for welts?? for marks?? do they show how good Sir is at beating?? do they show how good i am at receiving?? are they really important??
Over the years i have seen stocks in various dungeons but have never had the opportunity to play on any. Imagine my surprise when i saw a set of stocks at camp!! And Sir being the kind and loving Sir that He is.. promised to have me in them before the weekend was over.
i tried looking up on the net a definition / explanation of sub drop.. it amazes me actually that with all the submissives/slaves out there.. that no one has written a definitive article on sub drop... In fact a lot of submissives i know, don't even know what it is. i did find one bit of information though.. that sub drop is more commonly going to happen at a public play venue than in a private play session. Why?? because the author believes that there is less time for the Dom to do proper after care..that there is too much noise and excitement and electricity still reverberating through the rooms...... i don't know what the answer is.. i only know what i have just journeyed through..
We are back from BDSM summer camp. And my mind is a whirl with everything i saw and experienced this past weekend. i am not even sure that i can do justice to the event in one post - i am sure many other things will sort themselves out and become clearer over the next few days.
BUT i do have to say that i felt a little bit like Alice through the Looking Glass - from Friday afternoon until sometime this morning. i am not new to public play parties.. nor am i new to BDSM summer camps. But the scenes i saw this weekend blew me away. (sorry there just isn't any other way to describe it) Most of what i am accustomed to seeing are "fashion shows" which tend to annoy me and frustrate me. And yes yes i know .. "stand and show" folks have as much right to this lifestyle as do the rest of us. But for someone who cut her BDSM teeth on floggers and whips and chains - oh my !! Fashion shows tend to leave me shaking my head in bewilderment.
This weekend i saw scenes that involved knives and needles and tens units and catheters whips and chains and fistings. i saw more than my mind can process. i was surrounded by people who understood, lived, and breathed the type of BDSM that i live. There was only one actual demo - on cunt casting - but the scenes themselves were living breathing working demos.
i saw a woman on her back on a four poster spanking bench, her arms tied securely to each of the head posts - her feet to the bottom ones. i watched as her Top dressed in a "fashionable" vinyl nurses outfit used a tens unit on her breasts, clit and vagina. i watched as she called yellow - whispered something to the Top - watched as one hand was loosened and an asthma pump was handed to her. i watched as she used the pump and her Top stood waiting. Then the pump was put back and the scene continued. i watched her writhe and wiggle and scream and everyone sat mesmerized. No one cried "foul" .. No one was shocked or frightened by what they were experiencing.
i watched another scene with a very young .. very new .. male submissive who was handed two stakes to hold in his hands while he was secured into the stocks. Watched as needles (and not my nice almost painless acupunture needles might i add !!) were inserted into his back and ass cheeks and into his testicles. i watched as clamps with weights were applied to each of his nipples. i listened to his screams. i watched as the Domme took out a long wooden stick and proceeded to - quickly - hit each side of each thigh six times. i watched as the welts from the hits formed and reddened. i watched as She went to work on his nipples with the same stick. The DM (dungeon monitor) watched over him carefully standing just off to his side - within his vision. i watched as - at one point when the young sub was crying - as the DM leaned down and said to him "if you have had enough drop the stakes" and i heard the young man say "NO". i watched as the two Dom/mes shook their heads and She went back to work on him.
i was shown another submissive's catheter inserted and the end pinned to her belly with needles. Saw the other needles skewering her labia. And admired the smile on her face as she proudly walked around behind her Master being shown off to this one and that one.
i saw more than one fisting........ more than one sexual scene and by Saturday was not averting my eyes but gobbling up the scene.... the sounds the smells the electricity.
Oh yes......... this weekend was educational and an eye opener. It left me gasping for air and a longing deep inside of me that it could go on forever. It will definitely go down in my books as a weekend to remember!!!
(i will write about my own time in the stocks and the other equipment another day...... for now this is all i can sort out intelligently )
i am weary today... in my heart. Know what i mean?? when you just feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It doesn't help that the song "bridge over troubled waters" keeps going round and round in my head either. Those lyrics have always made tears come to my eyes.... 
Po' 'ol country boy Buffalo wanted an explanation of fetishes... seems despite his world travels.. despite his being a 'biker' .. despite his living as long as he has..despite his tremendous grasp of the English language... somewhere along the way he missed out on FETISH. And he is a po' 'ol vanilla boy ... and i do tend to take pity on the vanilla folks.. 'specially the po' 'ol country ones...
So without further ado... here is my "Thesis On Fetishes" - 'specially foot and shoe fetishes.... (and thank god for wikipedia!! )
Definition:
Sexual fetishism is a form of paraphilia where the object of affection is a specific inanimate object or part of a person's body. It was first described in these terms by Alfred Binet in his "Le fétichisme dans l’amour", though the concept and certainly the activity is quite ancient. The term arose from "fetish", a term used in anthropology for an object believed to have supernatural powers.
Now Freud has an interesting theory on the subject...
As Sigmund Freud described it, sexual fetishes in men are the result of childhood trauma regarding castration anxiety. According to this theory, a boy curious to see his mother's penis averts his eyes in horror when he discovers his mother has no penis. The inanimate object on which the boy focuses when he averts his eyes becomes the fetishized object. Later in life, the fetishized object must be present in order for the man to complete orgasm.
Now in my humble opinion Buffalo has shown through his blog entries a higher than normal interest in women's "strappy sandals" and "painted toe nails". And in Manitoba, Buffalo just opened up and moaned about the lack of strappy sandals and painted toe nails.. He said:
"I’m sorry to report that I didn’t see one foot that was wearing strappy-toed sandals – or that had painted toenails. No, indeed I didn’t. "
Now with further investigation i discovered what it is about feet that might just drive a man to .. well .. have a fetish..........
Another theory is that the shape of the human foot is visually similar to that of the curves and cleavage found on the body of the human female, particularly the female hips and buttocks. The average foot is composed almost entirely of curves; the top of the foot, the tips and bottoms of the toes, balls of the toes, instep, heel, ankle, soles, and toenails are often all curved, making the foot one of the curviest parts of the human body. In much the same way that breasts, buttocks, or hips are often considered attractive because of their curves, so too can the foot be regarded as an object of sexual desire.
And that dear friend Buffalo.. is what fetish is all about...........
It is not nearly as bad as it looks.. honest !!!
The total length of the needle (including the handle which you can see in the photo) is just over 2 inches long.. the handle being one inch and the needle bit which is inserted one inch. Sir purchases needles that are pre-sterilized acupunture needles official size is 0.22x25 (whatever that means!!).
Once removed from the packaging they are in a clear cyclinder that is placed against the skin, the 'handle' extends a wee bit above this cyclinder .. and Sir then uses one finger to "tap tap tap" against the top until it is firmly embedded in the skin. Then He tends to 'screw' it in even further until only the handle is exposed.
i tried to take a picture of a used needle (notice it is slightly bent - something i was never aware of.. that they bend.. either going in or coming out!) You can sort of see the handle versus the needle in the above picture. searabbit also wanted to know if i bleed.......... not usually.. there are from time to time drops of blood that appear when the needle is removed (see below picture) and from time to time the skin will seal itself around the needle making removal a little more difficult. We attended a needle play workshop a couple of summers ago and the animator assured us this wasn't anything to worry about.. in her words "if Your sub is a masochist - just yank it out - she will thank You!! Otherwise just keep twisting and turning it gently until the skin releases"
Sir and i have been quite content to remain at this level of needle play. (though to be honest i have been wondering and questioning Sir on piercing the skin.. that is running the needle in one side and out the other so that it lies flat against the skin) BUT He has forbidden me from trying it.. and has warned me that the needles we use are not the right type for play piercing..........
i have been very fortunate to see a number of demos on play piercing and needle play.. i watched in awe one evening as a Dom carefully placed groups of 3 needles down each breast of His submissive (the in and out style) and then carefully - just before removing them - He set the tip on fire and pulled it through burning.... even i "ouched" !!! Another time i was able to see the finished product of a 'corset' piercing... and to this day i still say "WOW". i have no idea if Sir and i will ever move forward to harder limits with our needle play...... i do know that i am very content with what we do now.. and only occasionally wonder what it would feel like to do some play piercing.. or the in and out style ...
The very first gag that Sir ever bought for me was a ball gag..... i hated the taste.... rubber yuck!! and i hated the fact i drooled!! slobbery dool..... yuck!! There was a submissive who told me to look at ball gags as a way to exercise my jaw for long blow jobs - build up the muscles etc.. i still hated the taste and the drool.. i would find other ways to exercise my jaw for long blow jobs......... Then i discovered IF i put my tongue behind the ball.. opened my jaw as wide as it would go and pushed really really hard - i could pop that sucker out!! i also learned really fast to hold it between my teeth so it sorta looked like it was still in.. and if Sir was particularily busy flogging me.. He wouldn't notice it was technically out... i could swallow .. no drool.. and i didn't have to constantly taste that yucky rubbery taste... i also learned it was a great chew toy... and when a swipe at my ass would hit some soft spot.. that ball got chewed and chewed!!
This was not what Sir had in mind when He decided to gag me....Sir likes drool.. and doesn't much care if i like the rubber taste or not....and doesn't much care for the fact that i could push the damn gag out... so He purchased a ring gag.. there was only one problem with the ring gag.... the very first time that Sir used it for real (not a practice run or a does it fit properly run but an at a club gonna play run) i had a crisis. The club was very smokey.. VERY .. and the smoke drifted in through the hole and down my throat.. in no time at all i was gagging, coughing and choking badly.. nearly puking up my dinner. The ring gag was quickly removed from my mouth.... water was brought and i consumed nearly a full bottle choking and gagging right the way through it.......... After that, every time Sir came near me with the ring gag, i would start to choke and cough and gag.. so it was back to the ball gag - at least it looked nice.. even if i could spit it out to save my dignity.............
Recently Sir purchased a bit gag............ now i was none too fussy on it.. it had that ghastly rubber taste.. and i seemed to be drooling again.. the tongue trick didn't work quite as well as on the ball gag........... It needed some adjustments.. like a much smaller leather strap on each side so that it could be fastened up nice and tight.. spit proof so to speak. About a week ago Sir picked up the bit gag from Il Bolero where the adjustments had been done.. and today was the first real play time with it......... my evaluation (like that counts one little bit !!!) is a definite 3 YUCKs.... it tastes worse than the ball gag.. has no spongy quality to it so it doesn't second as a decent chew toy...... and the very worse part !!! When it is firmly planted between my teeth/lips i feel as though it is drawing my mouth up in some sort of caricature like grin. awful!!! my jaw hurt .. but so did my lips drawn up like that.... i kept picturing horses with a bit like that in their mouths with leather strips attached to the rings leading to some Master's hands.. turn this way turn that way.. no bloody wonder they obeyed!!! AND then horrors of horrors i wondered if my Sir.. my dear sweet loving kind Sir was actually thinking of getting into pony play!!!????
Now one last thing before i end for today........ searabbit asked me about needle play and i do intend to post an entry on it.. needle play for beginners (so to speak) But also dear Buffalo - the po' ol' country boy - wants an explanation / definition of fetish... so i will get to both next week.. promise !!!!
i was reading blogs this morning.. do you know how many smart women there are out there in blog land??? it constantly amazes me.. 
Well it isn't any secret that we have been having particularily hot weather... hot?? god worse than hot!!! Yesterday with everything factored in .. the temperatures here in the Great White North hit 43 degrees celsius or 109 degrees for my American neighbours. Now .. when you get heat like that a thunder storm is never very far behind.......... have i told you i HATE thunderstorms.. i just want to hide under my bed.... trust me when i say .. that is exactly what i should have done last night !!
