Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Emotional Merry Go Round

Weddings make me emotional........ weddings for my daughters make me doubly emotional ..... and cause me to not think too logically

It didn't help that I overheard the tail end of a comment made by Sir Steve at the wedding  about missing having a wedding ring on his finger -- and all I could think (being my insecure emotional self) he wants his wedding ring from his ex ???!! 

That insecurity grew and doubled in size -- hell it tripled in size....... 
'maybe he doesn't want to marry me
maybe he doesn't want 'forever' with me
maybe he doesn't want to declare his love for me publicly' 
(remember I said my insecurities were playing havoc with my logic brain)

I kept thinking IF we were married then ............ (I'm not even sure what the then would be)...... I kept thinking that being married doesn't mean it'll last forever -- hell our track record (Sir Steve's and mine) is living proof of that.  I kept thinking 'BUT I want to marry him -- how weird is that??!!  having proclaimed I would never marry again!! 

Being married wouldn't change anything -- not one little thing........... our relationship wouldn't be magically better ... our relationship wouldn't be any stronger .... or weaker... people wouldn't see us any differently......... 

The wedding band wouldn't change anything ....... A N Y T H I N G!.... except maybe complicate things if it ever ended..... shrug

I would be the 'wife' and he would be the 'husband' and strangers would understand...... "girlfriend boyfriend" are teenager terms ... not for mature adults

and maybe I just want to hear him ask me to be his -- to marry him ....... ya know?


Monday, August 13, 2018

Long Long LONG two weeks

Two weekends ago we had the little one AND Sir Steve's parents -- from Thursday till Sunday (it was supposed to be Monday -- but they didn't like the heat)
They don't particularly like the trailer (even though they could have stayed at a very nice motel 5 minutes away) so I dragged clothes and food back to the city.  I was told they would arrive between 1 and 3..... I was in the city at the crack of dawn to clean the house - make up the guest room -- and prepare an elaborate dinner.

Sir Steve showed up from work before they arrived -- sometime around 5:30

I won't give you a play by play -- but honestly I was left feeling nothing I (we) did was good enough......... the food ... the entertainment ... even the highland games.  I was not disappointed when they left a day early.

Then I had 4 days to get ready for my daughter's wedding........ with the little one 'helping me'.
The wedding was Saturday -- and considering everything that could have gone wrong -- it went off without a hitch.  The sun shone -- the family showed up -- the caterers showed up -- the officiant showed up.  I was proud of how I dressed up the campsite with decorations turning it from a humble campground into a rustic wedding venue.  

The only drama per say during the wedding was when of my daughter's dogs (all dogs were being dog sat on our site) got stung by a wasp and we discovered we had a HUGE wasps nest under our deck.

Sunday was supposed to be our (Sir Steve and mine) trip to Quebec to pick up supplies -- but the newlyweds stopped over after breakfast and we didn't get away till around 1sh -- we got stuck in traffic coming and going -- and still had to pick up wasp killer .......
Last night before we could fall into bed Sir Steve had to spray the wasp's nest........ which didn't go exactly as planned.......... (le sigh) and it was after 10 before we fell into bed.

This morning before the sun was up Sir Steve's alarm went off -- he didn't wake up.  I did though.  So I got him up and eventually joined him out on the deck with a coffee in hand in the dark before the dawn.............. 

Today I have to head back into the city -- truthfully we have run out of clean clothes and are almost out of food.

My grandmother's words keep rattling around in my head "No rest for the wicked"

Know what I need???? 

I need a holiday ....... a long solitary holiday .......... and peace and quiet...... with no one expecting anything of me.

I am exhausted.

Wednesday, August 01, 2018

Has It been that long???

Last year and this year I insisted on internet at the campsite!  If I was gonna be up here 24/7 for over 2 months I was not gonna do away with all things 'civilized' .

My plan was to continue writing a blog every day ......... except I forgot to add the lil one into the equation...... mornings when she is here I barely have time to wash my face or  brush my teeth.


BUT I do have every other week to myself -- so I would write my blog and catch up on everyone else's blog then.

Except........ I haven't.

I sat down on Monday to write and stared at the blank screen.  What had happened that was even a teeny tiny bit interesting?? 

Life is very vanilla........ even the sex is pretty vanilla.  Life is routine.  How boring is that??!!

I'm understanding (maybe too much so) - Sir Steve works long hours and commutes from the country to the city for work..... he gets home hot and tired....... 

Too show you how much time I have on my hands -- the weeks I don't have the lil one I am averaging a book every two days....... yes reading is now my best friend.

That is not to say we haven't done anything -- cause we have....... we went to Rib Fest on the Weekend ..... we have taken the dog to the dog park... we have had wine and campfires ...... we have enjoyed the sunshine and the heat.

OH one night Sir Steve did pull out the knives up here 
and we did/do have amazing earth shattering sex (just not enough of it)

I sound like I am bitching doesn't it??!!

Wait it gets better..... 
I had an adult weekend planned for this weekend -- it's Sir Steve's birthday.  We were gonna escape -- get a motel -- go to the Glengarry Highland Games -- eat sleep and f*ck.  Except he told his father about the games and his father said "we'll be there".

SO........ his parents arrive tomorrow -- and will be staying with us right through Monday.  Now I am trying to plan meals and more meals and even more meals -- get the house cleaned spotless and the trailer (cause they will be here on Friday for the day) and figure out what clothes (for 3 of us)  to take back to the city and what food stuffs need to be brought back to the city for the long weekend........ GAH!!

Then next week is my eldest daughter's wedding............. 

And before ya know it the summer will be over.............. 

an entry in my blog was long over due -- and maybe it should have been even more overdue -- cause it does sound a little "woe's me" ............

Monday, July 23, 2018

Busy Weekend

Kid weekend........... so no play parties 

BUT despite mother sending the lil one off to another campsite at 1 on Friday (the exchange time) I managed to sorta keep my cool and didn't need help burying a body....

Saturday was filled with a birthday party -- the Fireman's Day at a nearby city with loads and loads of bouncy castles........

Then back to the campsite to meet a young girl named Abby who is a ballerina.  She brought the lil one a ballet tutu from her last recital -- the look on the lil one's face brought tears to my eyes......... such joy!!!  Of course she had to put it on and model it for everyone -- even included a deep bow........... (dontcha love the flip flops on her feet!!)

Sunday she went off with her dad on a lil shopping spree -- which gave me an hour or two to myself........... then eldest daughter came over and spent a couple of hours with us.... loading YouTube songs from Disney movies and before you knew it we had a sing a long on the deck............ 

All in all a good weekend.................

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