Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Complicated



New relationships come with 'extras' -- extra kids...extra siblings......extra parents...... extra in-laws and extra friends.

Life would be perfect IF all the extras could just accept new relationships with barely a blip.


But that's not always how it works.... some are happy.... some are sad/worried...some worry they will be forgotten and others are downright nasty.
 
My family is small -- just my girls (their husbands and the grandkids) and my brother. 
Sir Steve's family on the other hand is much larger -- there are 4 children -- sisters and a brother - father and mother PLUS an almost ex-wife and ex-inlaws.  (and I am sure some I have missed or don't know about - yet)

Forty some odd years ago when I was getting married I was told "remember you are not marrying his family -- or he yours -- you are marrying only each other".  And that is true even now -- we are not technically having a relationship with the families -- the 'extras' BUT it would be nice if we could all be amicable. (at least for funerals and high holidays as my Aunt Olive used to say)

I had one last phone call to make - one last introduction to make -- and that was to my brother and his wife.  For some reason I really stewed about it.  OH I know the reason -- he intimidates me a little bit.  Despite being 10 years younger than me -- since the death of my father he seems to have become the head of our little family -- and has tried from time to time tried to boss me around.  BUT it had to be done ya know.

So the other night I called him -- and we talked.  Both he and his wife said something that stuck with me.  They said "You're all grown up now -- it's your life" and then we made plans to drop by this Easter weekend for a quick coffee so they can meet Sir Steve.  I feel better about this visit now.  AND realized we don't have to be best friends - a Norman Rockwell painting of a happy family -- we just have to be 'us'.

So I am not fussing over my family anymore...... Sir Steve's on the other hand is a completely different matter.

I have met his father and step mom and one sister.  I think it went well -- I am invited back for Easter dinner.  I haven't met his other children -- well not for at least 8 years.  I have a gut feeling his daughter (who visits the ex-wife and inlaws) is not impressed with our relationship -- and might just blame me.... ?? (these are only gut feelings -- nothing concrete)  

The almost ex-wife and her parents have made it pretty damn clear what they think (behind his back -- but people talk you know) They believe he is an adulterer (we won't talk about who made the first move down that road) and I am pretty sure there is no love lost for me. (though I haven't come face to face with them ------ yet) 

This summer will prove a challenge I think.  Sir Steve's trailer is in the same campground as his ex-wife and inlaws.  He surprised me yesterday by telling me he had had his site moved -- so at least we won't be side by side neighbours.  BUT I am waffling on whether I will spend my summer there - despite my love of sitting by the water and reading and relaxing...... despite his coming to the campground every evening..... I am waffling......

Family and extras can make a new relationship tricky to maneuver -- here's hoping everyone can be mature .........

2 comments:

thewomaninacape said...

I don't know how it is at She's trailer park but when I was at my in-laws trailer this summer. I can honestly say that you can successful not have much interaction with the other side of the park.

I was surprised at how it really was like neighbourhoods and even for the park steak dinner some people just grabbed the food and left and didn't even stay to socialize.

thewomaninacape said...

I meant Sir's not She's. Sorry