Wednesday, April 12, 2017
New relationships come with 'extras' -- extra kids...extra siblings......extra parents...... extra in-laws and extra friends.
Life would be perfect IF all the extras could just accept new relationships with barely a blip.
But that's not always how it works.... some are happy.... some are sad/worried...some worry they will be forgotten and others are downright nasty.
My family is small -- just my girls (their husbands and the grandkids) and my brother.
Sir Steve's family on the other hand is much larger -- there are 4 children -- sisters and a brother - father and mother PLUS an almost ex-wife and ex-inlaws. (and I am sure some I have missed or don't know about - yet)
Forty some odd years ago when I was getting married I was told "remember you are not marrying his family -- or he yours -- you are marrying only each other". And that is true even now -- we are not technically having a relationship with the families -- the 'extras' BUT it would be nice if we could all be amicable. (at least for funerals and high holidays as my Aunt Olive used to say)
I had one last phone call to make - one last introduction to make -- and that was to my brother and his wife. For some reason I really stewed about it. OH I know the reason -- he intimidates me a little bit. Despite being 10 years younger than me -- since the death of my father he seems to have become the head of our little family -- and has tried from time to time tried to boss me around. BUT it had to be done ya know.
So the other night I called him -- and we talked. Both he and his wife said something that stuck with me. They said "You're all grown up now -- it's your life" and then we made plans to drop by this Easter weekend for a quick coffee so they can meet Sir Steve. I feel better about this visit now. AND realized we don't have to be best friends - a Norman Rockwell painting of a happy family -- we just have to be 'us'.
So I am not fussing over my family anymore...... Sir Steve's on the other hand is a completely different matter.
I have met his father and step mom and one sister. I think it went well -- I am invited back for Easter dinner. I haven't met his other children -- well not for at least 8 years. I have a gut feeling his daughter (who visits the ex-wife and inlaws) is not impressed with our relationship -- and might just blame me.... ?? (these are only gut feelings -- nothing concrete)
The almost ex-wife and her parents have made it pretty damn clear what they think (behind his back -- but people talk you know) They believe he is an adulterer (we won't talk about who made the first move down that road) and I am pretty sure there is no love lost for me. (though I haven't come face to face with them ------ yet)
This summer will prove a challenge I think. Sir Steve's trailer is in the same campground as his ex-wife and inlaws. He surprised me yesterday by telling me he had had his site moved -- so at least we won't be side by side neighbours. BUT I am waffling on whether I will spend my summer there - despite my love of sitting by the water and reading and relaxing...... despite his coming to the campground every evening..... I am waffling......
Family and extras can make a new relationship tricky to maneuver -- here's hoping everyone can be mature .........