Monday, May 30, 2016


Roots give trees stability.  The winds may blow and the rains may fall - but the tree stands strong - because of it's roots.

For the last - I don't know - 5 months or so - I have been exploring and playing and tasting a freedom I don't think I ever had - ever!  I did a lot of growing.  I got dragged into more than my share of dramas.  I got irritated and disillusioned.  I talked to a lot of different people and questioned more than I ever did.  

I thought I had the answers - I joked about it.  I had a checklist - I wanted a lover - I wanted a Sadist - I wanted a Dom - I wanted someone who would do knives - someone else who would do needles - I wanted all my needs met.

But for all my freedom - for all my fun - I was feeling empty inside.  My tree was swaying dangerously in the wind.  I thought my roots were gone.

I slowly started cutting back on my activities - The Sadist is gone - and my hunt for the right fit for all my other needs has stopped.... my lover is still here and that is a very good thing.  I am polyamorous and probably always will be now..... THAT is a good fit.  The only thing from this exploration period that does still fit.  

BUT I realized that I need to get back to my roots.

In the last couple of weeks I came to the realization that my roots were in my submission.  I am not a bottom - not a player. I am submissive....... with or without a Master.  It is in my blood - it is who I am. 

And with that realization - thankfully - a quiet settled over my heart and I feel calm and strong again.

At last.

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