Monday, March 02, 2015

A little bouncing ball.......






We had snow yesterday - March 1st - and some more this morning.. and we're supposed to get a lot more tomorrow.......... 

So my question is this....... Does that mean March came in like a lion??

Except it doesn't really matter to me.  For some stupid reason - once we hit March I always know the worst is over.  Worst for me is weeks and weeks of winter.... by March I can see spring - it's just over there.. hiding behind that snow bank - or behind that last winter storm.  I jokingly told Sir this morning that whatever snow comes now I am NOT shoveling - it is gonna melt.  (and yeah I know the snow that fell in January is gonna melt too - BUT this snow is definitely gonna melt a whole lot sooner - makes sense to me )

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I think yesterday's Sunday Sentiments might need just a little clarification.  I still have knots in my stomach about the big ruckus that happened on Fetlife - and in real life - over my voicing my opinion.  The couple that went after me with both barrels blazing are still around - still in my peripheral vision.  Yesterday's saying was an effort to try and make me relax.  Try and help me shake off the scary feelings.  I HATE confrontation........ it always turns me into a basket case.  AND there is a wisp of a chance that they will show up to the munch this coming Friday........ and truthfully I don't want to see them.  BUT on the other hand I will not allow them to drive me away...... they win if I do that ........... I have no reason to hide.... I did nothing wrong.  They are the ones who threatened me - who publicly called me names - so why in god's name am I so tied up in knots???? 

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I got my ass whooped this weekend - not a fun playful whooping  - a punishment.  I cried.  and cried some more.  I get so confused some times.... most of the time Sir and I just muddle along like a vanilla couple (by my definition) but I am still doing the serving part of our agreement ........ there's just no playful times....... no fucking.... no obvious blatant BDSM.  So I admit it - I get cheeky and poke the dom - a lot more than I should... the brat in me comes out to play... even though I know I shouldn't let her out to play.  And then - without warning - when Sir has had enough - I get punished.... and it hurts .. it hurts my ass and my heart - cause I don't mean to be bad enough to warrant a punishment spanking - I really don't.  

I have mostly figured out our relationship - which is loving and caring and wonderful - I just need to work a little bit more on the bratty part I guess............ 

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 I have some thoughts percolating from stuff on Fetlife - but I think it needs to percolate a little bit more before I can make sense of it............. 

And so till then.............. the bouncing ball will stop bouncing.
 

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