Saturday, May 14, 2011

too much thinking.......






The date for my appointment with the new specialist is creeping up on me.  Before today I was able to say ....... "oh it's still a long way away".  But now it isn't months - I am down to just a handful of weeks.

And every so often stupid thoughts pop up in my head............ like what am I gonna have to go through this time?? Am I gonna have to go back in hospital??? Am I gonna have to undergo more awful tests and procedures?? Am I gonna have to have more surgery??? 

And my stomach gets in a BIG knot.

And then every lil ache and pain or bump or bruise starts to worry me.......... even stuff that has absolutely NOTHING to do with this specialist.

When I was younger I had no fear of doctors.  My knee hurt I went to see a specialist - went through some yucky tests... and lived to talk about it.  Had a suspicious mole on my face - marched off to the doctor (all of these visits, by the way, were by myself - no support at all) had it removed - got the results and lived to talk about it.

So why is it now I am older just the thought of going to see a doctor makes me sick to my stomach - gives me nightmares - and makes me sweat??? 

God I wish I had on off button for all these worrisome thoughts........

5 comments:

Sir said...

What HAVE I told you about thinking????

I wish I could just carry you off to another place away from your worries.

You have all the support in the world as long as you let it happen and there is nothing wrong with letting it happen!

Buffalo said...

You worry more now because you know more.

Serene said...

It's probably because you've grown since then. You know that serious things can happen,you've seen more.

I'm still younger and ever since my owner ended up with an aneurysm I've been a lot more concerned about going to the doctor. I always KNEW that bad things could happen, but suddenly it's a lot closer to home. Having the issues yourself probably bring that home even more.

lil said...

I think that when you're young, you have no clue just how much can go wrong with your body, so it doesn't worry you as much.
I don't know about you, but thinking always gets me into trouble lol.
Good luck with the new specialist!

viemoira said...

I'd like an off switch too please! I think I cause myself more issues worrying.

I hope they figure out what's going on with you and can get adequate treatment once and for all.