Saturday, May 14, 2011
too much thinking.......
The date for my appointment with the new specialist is creeping up on me. Before today I was able to say ....... "oh it's still a long way away". But now it isn't months - I am down to just a handful of weeks.
And every so often stupid thoughts pop up in my head............ like what am I gonna have to go through this time?? Am I gonna have to go back in hospital??? Am I gonna have to undergo more awful tests and procedures?? Am I gonna have to have more surgery???
And my stomach gets in a BIG knot.
And then every lil ache and pain or bump or bruise starts to worry me.......... even stuff that has absolutely NOTHING to do with this specialist.
When I was younger I had no fear of doctors. My knee hurt I went to see a specialist - went through some yucky tests... and lived to talk about it. Had a suspicious mole on my face - marched off to the doctor (all of these visits, by the way, were by myself - no support at all) had it removed - got the results and lived to talk about it.
So why is it now I am older just the thought of going to see a doctor makes me sick to my stomach - gives me nightmares - and makes me sweat???
God I wish I had on off button for all these worrisome thoughts........