Tuesday, August 01, 2006

on punishments..

Back when....... i had a punishment list... yup a punishment list.. every time i would break a rule or protocol Sir would have me write it down and when He was here with me.. the first thing that would be taken care of.. after the formal greetings.. was the punishment list.. i would have to go and bring the book down (and yes it was a book) and read to Him the punishments in it... You might be wondering HOW in god's name i could earn punishments when Sir wasn't even here with me... trust me when i say it was easy - way back when.

i was supposed to text message Him every time i went out, and when i came home... if i wanted to buy something on the spur of the moment i had to phone Him... (Sir loves cell phones!! i tend to find them annoying) .. and that was another punishable offense.. if i forgot my cell, had it turned off, or the battery wasn't charged. i had to be available to Sir at all times. The list was quite long of do's and don't's so my punishment list tended to be quite long as well..... at least until i got the hang of it..

Sir always tried to fit the punishment to the infraction.. it wasn't always easy and sometimes it was just as easy to bend me over the chair and use the "board of education" on my ass until i was in tears and promising to never forget again.

i remember once i changed purses and didn't have my panties in the zippered pocket .. Sir and i were out to dinner and He opened my purse just to check........ my stomach sank cause i knew what He was looking for.. (oh yeah.. see i wasn't allowed / still am not allowed ...to wear underpants but always had to carry a pair JUST in case!!) The punishment for not carrying a pair with me was the next day i had to wear a pair of thongs backwards .......... all day long! By the time i got home from work i was climbing the walls.. underwear is NOT supposed to be worn backwards - trust me !!

Now i don't believe i have blogged much about punishments... mainly cause now they are few and far between (hells bells - eventually i had to get IT! ) On a blog i occasionally glimpse at.. there was an entry about punishments and how phoney subs are when they don't write about what they are thinking when they are being punished.... i went WTF when i read that.. but it did make me stop and think.... what do / did i think about when i was being punished???

i think mostly i just gritted my teeth and endured.... sometimes if i felt the punishment was unfair i would be wording (carefully) my entry for my private journal to Sir (which is my "free time" to discuss respectfully whatever is on my mind) about how unfair this punishment was. Mostly i think i was glad of the punishments.... i had broken a rule and i wanted it over.. i hate having things hang over my head... i desperately wanted the punishment. Once i remember .. the fates had lined up that Sir and i had a couple of weeks of no private time.. and the punishment list was growing.... longer (if memory serves me right) by the day .. the longer we were apart. Finally i was a puddle of tears.. i wanted the list cleared!! Sir actually made a run out to the house JUST to do the punishments so that i could relax ...........

Rules / protocols and punishments - for me - are ways that Sir shows me He cares about my well being.. my welfare... and that He loves me..... Now i am seldom punished - (oooooops i can see Sir frowning at me ) ok ok.. there is a new rule (well not SO new - but being enforced) where i must stand quietly and wait for permission to enter a room.. i tend to forget frequently - especially if i am 'on a mission' ........ the "board of education' is getting quite a work out again.... but slowly it is coming... this new protocol has all sorts of potential for bringing out the brat in me.... but mostly i do try very hard to toe the line - so to speak.......

If there is a best part about punishments.. it has to be the forgivenness i feel when it is over... Sir always pulls me into His arms, holds me close as i sniffle and the last few tears roll down my cheeks.. i thank Him quietly for correcting me... and He kisses my cheek and forgives me.. and we start again with a clean slate...

(for those of you who have been following the Fictional Journey (see link to the right) the new week has begun - again!!! i have posted a rather tongue in cheek story today... )

1 comment:

RAheretic's swan said...

I am never sure what to say about "punishment." People do it from so many different perspectives, and it has such emotional power for most of us that I am always almost breathless when I confront the subject...

In fact, it floors me when people write about it at length.

We began because our initial contact was on a "domestic discipline" listserve. It's where I landed when I first typed "spanking" into the search engine on the first computer that I brought home. That's a whole different subset of this lifestyle, and one that I still find odd in some ways.

Master is inclined toward and enamored with corporal disciplinary style SM. I find that, when it comes even remotely close to the real thing emotionally, I am devastated. I work like the dickens to avoid REAL punishment. When it does occur, I am invariably miserable, sometimes furious, always just desperate to get through it and be OK with Him again.

It is so interesting... I think it is the question of how people think about this subject that fascinates me. That seems to be where my mind is churning...

swan