The journey

i hinted the other day about meeting a fellow blogger in real life for coffee....

Well the grand coffee meet was yesterday morning........ and it brought back memories from way back when .. the days of bulletin boards .. when you would make arrangements for coffee.. elaborate plans for coffee.. the day.. the time.. the exact coffee place.... and usually (we were a whole lot smarter back then) we would decide at least on some colour we would wear so we could identify each other..

As i was driving down to the coffee place.. i had butterflies... "why for god's sakes???" you ask..ahhhhh... because that is a big part of who /what i am.... (duh) .. and because this woman writes like the angels themselves are sitting on her shoulder whispering in her ear..because this woman has just got something that leaves me in awe.... besides the red hair i mean..........

And thank god she has red hair.. because for all our planning.. we didn't tell each other any thing that would help identify the other..... AND the coffee place was packed and i do mean packed !!!

i had my coffee and managed to grab a corner prime table.... and thought i saw her drive in.... black car with a flash of red hair in the window......... but then i blinked or something and she was gone... oh the car was parked - but no red hair.. .

i was glancing nonchalantly around the restaurant trying not to be too obvious.. and there she was... rounding a corner.. tall red hair flowing.. and i just knew it had to be.... SELKIE!!!

What hugs we shared.. .and oh my she IS a good hugger.. firm .. no hesitancy .. tight supporting / caring hug !!!

we talked and laughed and talked some more.. Sir managed to get away from His day to drop by for a cup of coffee...we talked about everything you can imagine.. from kids and husbands to BDSM and Midori and theories and practice.. and the hands on the clock ticked quickly by...

Sir had to leave for work...

Selkie and i stayed on for a wee bit longer... talking still.. filling in all the blank spaces that our blogs have left...

And then we couldn't deny it any longer.. the clock had run out of time and we both had to go our separate ways....

BUT not without a promise that come the fall she will be back and Sir and i will fire up the barbeque and selkie and D will come for dinner and more talk.. and more laughter..

(if you haven't a clue who "selkie" is .. check out her blog - daughter of the sea..

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Today is officially my first full day of summer holidays ......... and i am curled up under my red umbrella in the half sunshine/half cloud... reading and thinking...

AND because i am a very spoiled subbie.. i have a lap top courtesy of Sir to play on while i am out here in the half sun half cloud

All sorts of things have been running through my lil brain... like the new posting.. and when will they call and IF they will call.. and when will the interview be... IF there is an interview.. and will i take it IF it is offered to me...

It was weird cleaning out my office this week... taking down all the family pictures all my little mementos packing everything into boxes that might just well travel back down the highway in August with me.. back to my lil office...... but for now they are stacked in the basement waiting for maybe a new office........

AND i have been thinking.. .that changing old habits isn't all that easy.... ya know....and yeah the thought of a new job scares me.. but i think change is something i HAVE to get used to....

like with Sir.....

i said i was gonna change. .and start down a new road on this journey.... and i have been working very hard at changes....

BUT

on the weekend - for some stupid reason - i looked at Sir and quipped over some statement of His... "of course i did... i am a good sub!!"

And that one line has been haunting me ever since.. cause ya see... i know i haven't completed the change.. i know it will be a long time before i can say i am a good subbie.. i am on the road to that place.. but i haven't reached it yet.. and just cause for a week or two i have been good and following the rules and doing what i am supposed to... that doesn't make it permanent.....

It is still too easy to slip back into the old way.... the arguing bitchy shrew way...... and it is NOT where i want to go........

So yeah... i am still a work in progress.. in all ways....

And that's what i have been mulling over in my lil subbie brain out here in the half sun / half cloud . .under the red umbrella...

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Summer vacation started at exactly 4:00 pm today............

see me do the happy dance.

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Know what that thing is in the above picture??

Well if you have ever done any home renovations... you will recognize it as the plain ordinary necessary paint stirrer.

BUT you might be wrong............

Sir used it this past weekend as His handy dandy spank the sub stick.

Paint stirrers - at least the one Sir used - are flexible. They bend when they hit... they sting when they hit......... AND they can be used to spank the smallest of spots..like my clit.......... over and over and over again!!

After a Saturday of spank the sub's ass with the white teflon spanker that magically molds to the ass (and after use returns to it's normal flat shape) and leaves bruising............ (yes yes Sir actually managed to bruise this leather ass of mine!!) Sunday was deemed cunt day...........

Sir had me lying on my back - legs spread wide........ with one hand He held open my pussy and with the other - used the now infamous paint stirrer to slap away at the inner lining of my pussy, and with a tug on the jewelry - my exposed clit. and no i am NOT complaining.. it was amazing............. i love pussy torture in any form.......... (don't ask why - i have no idea........... come near my tits the same way i run screaming from the room)

Besides all the spanking - there were two phenomenal orgasms... (after a month or so of none.. my pussy felt stretched, bruised and ohhhhhhh so used)

On the service side.. let's see.. i dead headed Sir's hanging baskets (actually they are hanging bags ) caught and released two really weird flying bugs (no i did NOT kill them geeeeeeeeez !!! if you can catch and release you should) ... i cooked an ok make shift Saturday night dinner - as the steaks never did defrost.. supervised Sir barbequing sausages on Sunday......... of course i did all the washing up........

oh yeah.. and for good measure and to make sure Sir got enough protein .. i sliced my thumb up into the salad on Saturday..........

i declare this weekend - AMAZING !!!

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i am working off the lap top today.. a lap top that seems to be thinking it should be allowed to go on summer vacation (insert eye roll) so be patient with the quality of this entry..

BUT i have these thoughts rolling around in my head and if they don't come out.. my head may very well explode.

i was reading some blogs this morning (before the lap top packed up and left for the beach) ... and one specifically rattled my windows and shook up my calm......

On Darklight Stables Cloud wrote;
"I want them to scurry about because they fear my disappointment, my anger and my discipline
in other words they fear me. "

ok .. whoa.. stop..


those words "they fear me" punched me in the gut.... took my breath away.... made my heart pound and my palms sweat.

Fear has nothing to do with respect.. or trust. Synonyms for fear are ...... fright, dread, terror, horror, panic, alarm, consternation, trepidation

"Fear is the parent of cruelty" (J.A. Froude).

Fear causes the body to react with a flight response....

i am left wondering why any Dominant would want His minions to fear Him??? i am wondering why any submissive/slave would stay with a Dominant they feared??

i am not saying i have not experienced fear with Sir.. cause i have.. fear of the knife sliding inside my cunt.. fear of the flame licking at my body.. fear of the whip cutting through the air... fear of disappointing Sir....... but i have never feared Sir Himself. i respect Him.. i trust Him.. otherwise the knife wouldn't be sliding anywhere on my body.. the flame wouldn't be lit, and the whip would hang on the wall...

And that is just my 2cents on the subject....

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