Saturday, April 29, 2017
I need that kind of vacation -- well minus the beer.
I need a break - I really do. I am exhausted .. I need a vacation from running around -- from people and constant talking -- from work and worrying -- from not having enough "us" time with Sir Steve -- from trying to make everything fit together
I really need a break........ and soon
Friday, April 28, 2017
It's a celebration!!
Today is the 12th Anniversary of "The Continued Journey (previously known as The Journey). 12 years!! Honestly I can't believe it.
I have written 3,477 blogs in total -- that's an average of 290 blogs a year -- and god only knows how many words!! I have 199 followers and over the 12 years 751,936 pages have been viewed. I have many MANY labels -- but I have the most frequently used ones -- the most viewed ones - listed (alphabetically) on the right side of today's blog.
And as much as I don't often respond to comments -- I love getting them -- the supportive ones, the scolding ones, the loving ones. They help keep me honest -- and give me perspective on whatever is going on in my life.
I have taken the blog down twice -- after each break up with W. And it has been down while I was in hospital a few years back -- and for a short while when I was going through the cancer stuff. BUT I never stayed away for too long. This blog is MY history. My thoughts, my feelings, my opinions - always written from the heart and always truthful (in that moment)
I have made some good friends on The Continued Journey - people who come every day to visit. I have actually met some of them in real life!
My life has been enriched by the Continued Journey in many ways.... and I hope to continue writing for many more years......
Thank you my dear readers for coming here and reading my words... for sharing a moment with me through the good times and the bad.
Thursday, April 27, 2017
When I was younger - when the girls were small - we used to camp every summer.. and I loved it! We started in a tent and graduated to an old style tent trailer (and I thought I was in heaven!) Now we will be in an RV with air conditioning, heat, kitchen with stove and oven and a real fridge! This is NOT camping -- this is cottage life!!
When Sir Steve took me to the campsite for the first time -- he gave me a tour. I paid close attention to how other campers decorated their sites - claimed them as their own. I noticed a lot of the sites had signs with their site number on and various cute sayings. Ideas started to formulate in my head. I asked if we could have a sign .... Sir Steve said yes .... and then I said with a wicked grin -- can it say "Fairy Tales Happen Here"??? and he burst out laughing. Yes I could make a sign that declares our love -- in our private code.
My brain didn't stop there -- ideas kept bubbling up. When I was there on Tuesday I stood looking at 3 evergreen trees in a group at the edge of our site. I envisioned a "fairy garden" ...... AND I had the very beginnings of a fairy garden sitting in my cupboard -- a gift from my eldest daughter. When I got home - I pulled it out and it all came together in my head. I am getting so very excited!!
When I am done -- I am hoping there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that the new girl has arrived! (cheeky grin)
I have been stewing over how to make a camp sign. So yesterday I went to our local craft store and picked up some supplies......... I am hoping my crafty side will make something special out of this mess of wood and paint and sealer -- something that will meet with Sir Steve's approval -- and add a touch of love to our campsite!
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
It didn't take hardly any time at all for my spirits to lift. It is amazing the strength that comes from being loved. His quiet calmness -- his belief that everything will work out is contagious. His love lifts my spirits and helps me work through the fog ... and that is a very good thing!
Yesterday despite the gloomy skies and 3 nights of almost no sleep -- I packed a picnic lunch and drove to the campsite to surprise Sir Steve. He was there waiting for his new RV to arrive.
We sat on the edge of the deck eating sandwiches and talking about the summer -- while the new RV loomed over us. We spent a couple of hours together and then both headed in opposite directions down the highway ......... It was a good picnic -- one of many to come (except future picnics will involve sunshine and warmth)
Monday, April 24, 2017
I'm pretty non-verbal right now -- so this will be short and sweet........
Things happen you know -- and I get broadsided -- don't see it coming -- when that happens I am kinda knocked on my ass -- left limp and non-verbal for awhile (there's never any 'expiration date' on it -- it just seems to pass )
Through no one's fault ! I had a social anxiety attack this weekend -- a pretty bad one -- and I couldn't move out of the chair I was in... on some stranger's porch -- I couldn't go find Sir Steve and grab his hand ... I just got smaller and smaller in the chair -- wishing these strangers would stop talking to me -- stop making jokes with me (cause I wasn't getting them and the old feelings of 'everyone having the rules to the game' hit hard and I tend to get paralyzed) and I wished I could get warm -- the longer we sat on that porch into the late evening the colder I got..... shivering.... teeth chattering cold.
And I was frozen in place - literally and figuratively.
And I didn't sleep much Saturday night -- and the same last night. Night terrors stalk my dream land..... and I wake feeling scared like a 4 year old who wakes from a bad dream and calls for "Daddy"...... but I have no one to call for... I am left in the dark with my heart pounding and the stabbing pain in my skull and the fear that eats me from the inside out.
Today will be a 'try and pull it together' day I think -- though I will still drag my ass into school and see my lil guy in the wheel chair -- but then I will come home to my lil apartment where I feel safe .........
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day...............