zen

zen

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Lessons learned





There is (from time to time) a debate that rages over how a submissive mind set develops.  I know where mine came from......... it was my upbringing......... god!!  I did what I was told - spoke when I was spoken to - followed the rules ........... and tried so hard to be a "good girl" to get a word or two of praise..........

And so I am submissive now..  all grown up... still trying to please and be pleasing - and still dying a little inside when I don't measure up......

So when something happens and W gets angry - or god forbid yells at me - I feel like my world is falling apart - it is of course all my fault - I should have tried harder / done better/ or just simply kept my mouth shut......

(which is what prompted yesterday's blog - nothing happened on The Journey - but in my real life abby - thank you for worrying )




As screwed up as this all sounds - it is my life - all that I know.
 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

shut my mouth






I need to learn to shut my mouth - to bite down on my tongue - to bury it all.  I need to learn to shut my mouth.

 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Momentary Fantasy








We were driving home late Friday afternoon and my body was slowly unwinding from a week of (truthfully) sensory over load.  Those moments - when the mind and body are exhausted and drifting are the best moments for me to have fantasies....... uninhibited free flowing fantasies.

We had just driven by "Domville" (I have written about this small town on the 401 before)  My mind just headed off down it's own path............ 

And there I was - in extreme servitude  in the house.  W had rigged up ropes and they were attached to my ankle - so that no matter where I went in the house I was always attached...... a tug on the rope would bring me back to kneel at his feet...... I was naked and humiliated and very aroused.

I could see myself heading up to the kitchen to make dinner - feel the rope around my right ankle being tugged hard - feel the sexual current run through my body - saw myself turning around - going back down the stairs to W ... saw my naked self kneel at his feet........ felt his hand in my hair pulling my head back - stretching my neck ....... felt his teeth bite me - felt his hands turn me around....... push my head down into the carpet................. 



Yup - it was quite a fantasy............... but I learned a long time ago - fantasies - for the most part - do not translate into real life.  But it was a nice little erotic dream like movie to pass the time in the car.  

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Week in Review

After 5 days with "granny and W" yesterday we did the 6 hour return trip to drop the boys off at home.  

It was a busy week ................

Monday we did the big toy store Mastermind - then the comic book store - the Marine Museum and the historical walk..... 
W managed to work in some ass pinching / nipple tweaking to remind me who / what I was

Tuesday - the crappy weather day - we went and played 3D mini putt and laser tag for the afternoon...........
W yanked out the kitchen spoon while I was making breakfast and spanked my ass while I had to keep very quiet and relatively still so as not to attract the attention of the boys who were in the family room.... and then later W stirred my imagination with thoughts of what could happen in the laser tag area - adult only games

Wednesday - was our very long day - trip to Toronto - train ride - CN Tower and the Aquarium.
W did a lot of back rubbing and soft loving touches

Thursday - quiet day - After lunch I took the kids to the beach for a couple of hours 
W got the lawns cut and ran out to grab some groceries to tide us over........

Friday was the drive the kids home day............... 

Looking back - this year was nothing like last year.  The boys are a year older - and more 'difficult'.... loud.... a bit critical - argumentative ...... and the worst of it - seemed to think they were "entitled" to all the activities......... it was hard to get thank you's out of them - where as last year they were falling over themselves to say thank you and give hugs.

I guess I just don't have the warm fuzzy feelings I had last year.  AND I don't give in to tempers or whining like the other grandma.......... so I feel like the wicked witch of the West :(

I will say it was lovely to wake up this morning to a quiet house....... our "home sweet home" .......... and to know the boys are safely tucked away in their "home sweet home"...   

Who knows what next summer will bring............