Monday, November 20, 2017

This 'n That

I really do want to thank everyone who dropped by over the LOL days -- and especially to those who left a comment.  There were some that made me smile and some that warmed my heart -- but they all made me very happy !  You know I am still mildly surprised that anyone reads my ramblings -- always have been and probably always will be.

We had a good weekend -- busy one -- Saturday was an engagement dinner party for my eldest daughter in Ottawa....... Sunday was The Big Christmas show -- that was a total bust.  I was SO disappointed!!

And of course Sunday afternoon was spent watching the CFL East and West Finals -- big Grey Cup game is next Sunday ...... for those of you who don't know I LOVE football -- well Canadian football.

I realized this weekend that since I have been sick -- what is it now about 6 weeks? I haven't been taking my mega doses of B12.  Why I honestly don't know....... but shame on me!!  I don't know what made me think of it -- but it just jumped into my head.  I started to realize I have been so damn tired -- and the anxiety has been getting worse -- and my body has been aching ..... I thought it was just the bug ..... but maybe it's lack of B12.  Needless to say I started back on my mega daily doses and am hoping that in a week or so I will be feeling much better.  

This morning I was outside having my coffee and smoke -- it was still dark and very quiet -- my thinking time.  Today should have been our day in court -- instead the mother was on a plane flying off to her boyfriend for a 3 week holiday.  We know someone who is going to report her to Welfare.  She is not supposed to leave the province for more than 7 days -- never mind the country.  I don't have much hope that this government agency will care any more than the family court system.... but ya never know.

And I was examining the relationship with the lil one.  I have noticed an uppity attitude towards me......she hasn't said the words -- but I feel them as much as if she had said "YOU are not the boss of me!"  This feeling has been building over the last few weeks -- I have tried to ignore it but I can't.  
And Sir Steve has snapped at me a couple of times when I have offered an opinion... 
And I am slowly coming to realize I am not her teacher ... not her tutor and most definitely not her parent.  I am nothing.  So I will distance myself from them both .... I have become too invested in this family thing.  I guess that needs to change.
Lesson learned.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Sunday Sentiments

This is most definitely my motto...........

Saturday, November 18, 2017

LOL Day two

Well yesterday was a record for The Journey with 13 comments -- and a couple from some new folks YAY!!  It was so much fun checking the comments all day -- and yes it was as good as getting mail when I was a kid.

I started The Journey 12 1/2 years ago.  At the beginning I thought I could only write about BDSM -- and in the beginning it was all I wanted to write about.... I was so sure of what I wanted/needed back then... and there has been more than a little angst on here.... there were times I took the blog down for a few days -- thinking I'd never come back but I always did... more than once I questioned why I was writing a BDSM blog when most of what I was writing was vanilla -- and a lot of you urged me just to write -- that you'd be here if I was writing about BDSM ... or my kids at school .. or the bouts with cancer ... or my soul searching or my rants.

And so I wrote ...... and continue to write ....... 

Thank you to my lurkers and my regular readers and commentors -- you're all very special 'friends'........

Friday, November 17, 2017

Today's THE day!! LOL day

Well today IS the day -- LOL day.  Thanks to Hermione for keeping up the tradition.  If you want to check out her blog it is HERE.

Other blogs come up with such good ideas to encourage our lurkers to come out of the shadows for the LOL posts -- things like 'for every comment I will take a spanking" to offering to answer any question folks ask.  

I don't have any clever incentives to offer -- just a warm welcome and a hope that you will leave a "hi" in the comment section.  (you don't have to have an account or a screen name -- you can post anonymously)

When folks do post on my blog (doesn't happen often) it feels like when I was a kid and would get a letter in the mail (yes I'm THAT old!!) Seriously folks this is much easier than actually mailing me a letter -- just click the comment button and write a word or two.. 

 It is - after all - the whole point of the day -- to celebrate our lurkers!!!! 

(cheeky grin) and who knows maybe my Sir Steve will leave a comment - he's my biggest lurker!!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Broken and can't be fixed

Early Tuesday morning when I got up -- I did my 'poke' test.  Inside didn't feel right -- physically I was fine -- but something didn't feel 'right' -- something felt broken - and it hurt.  Deep inside me.

I have tried for so long to be strong when it comes to the mother and grandmother and all their nastiness.  I have pulled myself up after each episode -- I have slogged on after each episode -- I have continued to 'fight the good fight' (I guess) after each episode.

BUT this time it feels like something broke deep inside me -- it feels like it will never be fixed again.  

I have no say in anything that happens.  I have no control over any of this.  I am the 'outsider'. 

I honestly don't know what direction life will take now -- 
I do know I love Sir Steve with my whole being and I'm not going anywhere -- but I also know I just can't be as emotionally invested in his family -- in his problems -- in his lil one.

And that is not a good thing.