Sunday, July 24, 2016
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Something I don't think I've talked about here is I hate GREEN vegetables! (actually most vegetables -- but especially green ones)
During my negotiations with Hands -- I jokingly said one of my hard limits was green veggies. He just went "hrmmmm" and we moved on.
We have had a few meals together -- but they didn't involve veggies.
On Wednesday evening I was over at their house for dinner...... a family dinner complete with kids. Dinner was spaghetti and stuffed ZUCCHINI. Zucchini is GREEN. Hands was sitting beside me and he passed the plate of zucchini to me. I smiled sweetly and said "no thanks" and He smiled back and said "oh yes I think you will enjoy these. My daughter made them". I looked up to see said daughter watching me. I smiled and helped myself to the smallest piece of stuffed zucchini on the plate -- and trust me -- it wasn't THAT small!!
That was one of the biggest tests of my submission we have had yet. I ate the whole piece........... just!
Last night I made dinner -- Thai noodles and chinese dumplings. I sent Hands a picture of my dinner -- just cause I was in a very cheeky mood. And the caption read " My dinner - note NO green veggies".
The "brat" is still very much alive!
Friday, July 22, 2016
I haven't been sleeping well for the last week or so.......... and when I don't sleep I think... dear god do I think!!!
I hear all the voices new and old telling me all the things that are wrong with me -- and I am left thinking I must be a really bad person....
Do I really make everything about me?! DO I??
Am I really that unlovable??!!
Do I try too hard and scare people away ??
Maybe I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve .....
Maybe I really don't understand how to be a friend or lover
Maybe I should just close the door and hide away
Yeah my worst enemy is not out THERE
no -- my worst enemy is in my head.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
I like to think on the outside I look cool and collected......... I am working hard to keep that persona -- cool as a cucumber........
But truthfully -- inside that coolness -- that ice -- is burning.......
Driving home from visiting with Hands and his wife last evening -- my mind went back to His walking me out to my car -- the hug -- the gentle kiss -- the soft caress of my back.......
and god how i wanted to hold him closer longer -- to stroke his face and kiss him again and again....... to whisper in his ear that I was burning........
But surely he knows that -- knows how long it has been since we had "private time" -- surely he knows the endorphin cravings are gnawing at my mind -- making the fire burn hotter.
and I know too -- how life can get in the way -- and how I must be patient -- and wait........
The day will come when the fire is quenched again --
Until then -- it burns hot