zen

zen

Monday, October 20, 2014

Good Monday Morning!






W was in the kitchen making one of his specialty breakfast sandwiches when I walked in to make my 2nd cup of coffee and warm up an apple muffin for my breakfast.

I stood leaning on the counter waiting for the coffee maker to do it's thing and waiting for W to finish his thing...... when W walked past me and stopped to spank my ass.  It didn't take long for me to dance the "subbie jig".  As he continued past me I turned to see him shaking his hand and I laughed!! 

That did it!

He threatened to use the oily greasy spatula - but changed his mind and reached into the drawer and grabbed the big plastic spoon............ can I say OUCH!!!  but in such a good way !!

What a great way to start Monday - with a hot apple muffin and warm bum 

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Moment in Time


In a dark club Friday night - I slipped my legs under the table............. felt W pressing his leg against mine..... was I in the way? moved my leg and again felt W's leg pressing against mine 

My heart beat faster........

Friend mentioning how soft my new sweater was - asking W if he thought it was soft...W brushing my arm mumbling about the softness - then the cheeky grin as he "coped a feel" of my breast pinching just ever so slightly 

My heart beat faster and harder........

Standing in line waiting to pay my dinner bill one night later .... W standing behind me...  feeling his teeth sink into my neck.....  my knees went so weak I thought I would stumble ..........

My heart so full of want - so full of need - I thought I would cry.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Trust and Intimacy






 More than 13 years ago I slipped my hand into W's and gave to him a level of trust that no one else has ever had - or will ever have.  I know without a second thought that I am safe with W..... that if it is in his power nothing will ever "hurt" me.............  

The other evening we were discussing a Halloween Party we have been invited to.  W asked me if I wanted to go............ I sat for a while thinking about it.... and then said 'No I didn't want to go..... '  I told W that it would be very difficult to attend a party and not play.  W suggested I find someone to beat my ass.  The tears came then....... and through the tears I declared "I don't WANT to play with anyone else - I just want to play with You" and in my heart I stamped my foot.

Since that discussion I ran scenarios through my head.  There is one Dom whom I know - who would beat me if I asked - if he knew he had W's blessings......... and I pictured playing with him and almost immediately knew it wouldn't work.  

I gave my trust to W........ I gave my heart to W........... and something as intimate as turning my body over to a virtual stranger just wouldn't work.  My need for a beating is much more than a need for pain...... it's a need for the intimacy that comes from W beating me - pushing my limits - touching my burning skin.... my burning mind and my beating heart.  I need to feel that intimacy... that trust and I won't find that from a 'stranger'.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Pavlov's Dog

When W and I were starting out on this journey we had some pretty funky protocols / rules.  Mostly I responded to hand signals..... like a dog you might think.  Yay I guess pretty much like a well trained dog.

On Sunday evening after a dinner of turkey and wine and apple pie we were sitting with our friends in the living room talking about anything and everything.

I was deep in conversation with the friend sitting beside me when I heard a snap of a finger... and immediately without thinking ... I turned and looked at W.  He laughed and turned to the friend he was talking to and said something - I am not sure what and it isn't important to the topic.  He obviously was demonstrating how he used to summon me.

Since Sunday I have been thinking about that snap of his fingers - and another discussion we had the same evening about humiliation and degradation play.  I had declared how I could NEVER stand that sort of play.  

But have been wondering - if I was (and obviously still am ) trained to respond to a snap of a finger - isn't that a bit humiliating??? a bit degrading?? a bit like being treated like a 'thing'???

And I used to love it....... I thrived on it.  

So perhaps on some level I did engage in humiliation/degradation play..........something to think about ........  

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Photowalk Part 3 - the Finale

Finally I made it to the middle part of the map........numbers 4 - 8.  No one actually made it to #9 on the far right hand side of the map - due to the fact that we ran out of time.

I had never been to RMC - and it certainly has beautiful grounds.  Everyone was busy shooting the Entry Archway - the plane - the bomb?? (I think it was a bomb - but what do I know??!!)  I went looking for the beauty in this military academy............

And found it in these pictures..............
 
This little cottage was just beside the Entry Arch and appealed to me so much more 




the pathways by the water were lovely especially with some of the trees changing colour and along these pathways I shot most of my shots...........











  




in reviewing my shots I realized that I had a whole slew of pictures that I could call "Peek a Boo" pictures...........














 and lastly because  truthfully I figured how could I come all the way to RMC and not take at least one "touristy" shot of the Arch - I shot this as we were all leaving and heading back over the bridge to lunch..........