Monday, December 11, 2017

No room in the Inn








Honestly it never seems to fail -- I get excited for Christmas -- I have dreams of sugar plums and fairies and someone causes it all to splinter and leak and fall apart.

And then my heart cracks just a bit more

 

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Saturday, December 09, 2017

Exploding........





This is one of those days when it feels like my head is going to explode..... too many thoughts rolling round and round -- too many voices whispering in my ear.......... 

woke up early (way too early) with tears on my cheeks and a bad dream I couldn't shake...... 

read something on facebook that brought home to me once again -- I am too thinned skin -- or just don't get people's sense of humour.... sometimes when people think they're being funny I just get butt hurt....... probably too thinned skinned...

took my coffee outside to drink while I had a smoke -- and the kids across the street were 'into it' again -- lots of swearing and yelling and a couple of punches were thrown......... 

And all I can think is 'it's Christmas none of this -- none of it -- should be happening' 

me and my rose coloured glasses !

Friday, December 08, 2017

No Grinches Allowed




When I was little Christmas was the best time of the year.  My father (and mother) made it a very special holiday.  It was the one time of the year that my father let his hair down a little bit -- he was warm and snuggly and funny.  I loved that part of my father ...... Christmas was his favourite time of the year...... and he epitomized the magic of the season.  

I can remember (and I know I have told this story before) one night just before Christmas .... having finished the dinner dishes ... I went looking for my father and my eldest daughter who was maybe 4?  They were lying under the Christmas tree (and I do mean UNDER) and he was pointing out the Christmas fairies dancing in the tree.  You see the tinsel would move gently with the air currents and he was spinning a wonderful story about the fairies dancing in the tree.  To this day I can't look at a tree with silver dangly tinsel without seeing Christmas fairies dancing in the branches.

For all my adult life -- my husband and then partners -- were Grinches.  They hated Christmas.  I would be excited all by myself.  I would dream up my own Christmas magic ... and hold the joy of the season to myself -- not sharing with deaf ears -- finding my own happiness -- alone.

I remember when Sir Steve and I were first talkng - negotiating?? -- whatever you want to call it.... I asked him "Do you like Christmas or are you a GRINCH???"  (see I had made my mind up ... that Christmas was too important to me to saddle myself with yet another Grinch)

He said "I used to love Christmas -- but not so much in the last few years" ...... I declared we will find your Christmas Spirit again -- and we will have a magical Christmas.  

He has been super about finding Christmas adventures to take the lil one on... from the lighting of the City's Christmas tree - to going to Alight at Night ..... and helping decorate the house... and actually buying presents for the lil one BEFORE the 24th!!  He / we are going to take the lil one to Winter Wonderland at her school next week -- and he is taking me back to my old school -- the one I taught in for 20+ years tomorrow for their Christmas Craft Sale. 

BUT the best part of it all -- last night he said to me... as we were standing out on the front deck quietly in the dark of the night - with the cold winter winds caressing our cheeks -- that it was exactly 2 1/2 weeks till Christmas..... I didn't even realize that!!  -- and he sounded happy about it..... 

Christmas Magic is back in my life -- shared Christmas Magic -- and that is a VERY good thing !