Sunday Sentiments

Summer Time .............

Yesterday was the last official day of school !!  I did the happy dance.

The teacher dropped off envelopes with scrapbooks for the kids and any awards they might have won.   Sir Steve stopped on his way home to pick up the envelope.

We were more than a little shocked by the sheer number of awards the lil one won!!

BUT more surprising....... much more ... The teacher made an award for me...... for my perseverance and innovative teaching....... AND she wrote me a personal letter thanking me for all the help I gave her - from figuring out 'Teams' to finding glitches in work assignments.

The one thing through this covid thing that was worrying the lil one was that she wouldn't get to have an end of school celebration.  She doesn't know me OR her dad very well!! 

Sir Steve stopped and picked up a mess of Chinese food....... my eldest daughter and SIL came over - with a pink baseball glove gift - and we had an amazing year end celebration!!  At the fire the little one burned all her 'souvenirs' from our Around the World lessons - and we released all the joy and happiness into the universe.

Today my SIL took her off my hands and they went off to play 'soccer golf' - I am guessing I'll get a blow by blow description of the rules and the game and how much fun it was!! 

And now the summer begins..............

Half Way Back

I'm slowly coming out of the funk I have been in...... slowly.  That whole mess with the lil one last week really knocked the stuffing out of me.... left me limp and exhausted. 

AND yes it was all resolved last Thursday - late afternoon.  The attitude is over .......... for this time!

But it doesn't change how shattered my mind was...........

Today is the last official day of school............YAY!  but the summer stretches in front of me - endless hours of amusing the lil one.  ( I am trying to give myself permission to stop expecting perfection from myself...... got a ways to go yet)

On top of all this - in 2 weeks I have my cancer screening.  I had one in October but there were some anomalies and I was scheduled for another screening in March.... yeah March - so that didn't happen.  I am worried - scared stiff is more honest.  I feel like I'm holding my breath - afraid to make any long term plans in case...............

Before I forget - thank you to all of you who sent emails and messages checking up on me.... it's because of you - honestly - that I am here this morning.........

Bad Place

It has been the week from hell........ hell created and maintained by a 7 year old.

In a nutshell - on Monday - after my spending over 6 hours doing school work and then drafting a 'thank you' letter to her teacher and going for a walk - and and and - you get the picture..... at 5 the lil one came and asked me to take her to the beach for a swim. I explained her daddy would be home soon and I had to make dinner.

Welllllllllll

she sulked and she pouted and basically acted as though I was T H E  worst person on the planet!! 

Her sulky self entitled attitude has gone on all week..........

I have tried every trick I know to reign it in.. nothing is working.

Truthfully I see her mother in this attitude - she'll take and take and take without even a thank you and get all insulted when you don't give anymore!

So we're at an impasse - the lil one is barely speaking to me (though she is fine with everyone else!) and I refuse to do any extras ...... just school work then I retreat to my chair on the deck under the umbrella.

I don't see any end in sight........ Sir Steve has tried talking to her but it didn't change one damn thing.

I have a perpetual headache and upset stomach.

I am done like dinner!

Moment in Time

Fingers tightening around my neck....... feeling the pulse beating ....... feeling the breath .. gasping....

Teeth on my breast... biting.. sucking....

Heart racing.............

Sun streaming in .. lapping at our bodies ... sheets twisted and crumpled.........

Feeling like a woman again.