No Purpose?

Yesterday when I got home from Yoga I collapsed (as usual) in my chair in the family room and picked up my lap top.....

When I opened it there was a blue envelope wedged inside.

I opened the envelope to find a card that said

  Inside it said.................

Yeah it had a purpose!!

A Moment of Intimacy

I mentioned yesterday after lunch that I really needed to take care of "personal hygiene".   

It had been months since I had shaved my pink girly bits..... it just wasn't high on my priority list........... but then - shrug - well it got to a point I couldn't stand it anymore.  I have always kept the pink bits clean shaven - it had nothing to do with submissive spirits or orders from "above" - it's just something I like.

So yesterday I was gonna devote the time to cleaning it up and feeling more like myself again.  W suggested I might want to use his beard trimmer.  In my head I went 'nah - that's only fun when you use it' but outwardly I nodded and said "yeah maybe".

When it came time for me to get up off my ass and go do this personal hygiene stuff W offered to use the trimmer.

I got organised on the spare bed with towel under my ass and W started in on the trimming.  At first it was all very clinical.  And then the trimmer started to touch my jewelry and oh dear god - it felt so good........ and my old self came out - I gasped and held my breath - after all one slip of the trimmer and ....... well............. OUCH
W laughed and smirked and said he was doing it on purpose..... and we both laughed and shared the moment........

That's what I call a moment of intimacy

Homework

My new photography class is mostly technical stuff - which means there isn't a whole lot of neat arty farty pictures.  I am working on learning / understanding shutter speeds..... and ISO's and apertures (which I mostly do get) and light and how to use it 

This past weekend was work on ISO's and shutter speeds.  To get the concept - he had us take pictures at a very slow shutter speed - which was 10 seconds for me.  Now does that sound slow to you???!!!  (which has been one of my difficulties - slow / fast) and then a picture at a very fast shutter speed - mine was 1/10 of a second.  I have to say I think I have the concept now.............. but between 1/10 of a second and 10 seconds there are a whole mess of increments of seconds and when the hell do I use them??!!!

Anyway here's the resulting pictures from the shutter speed homework............

This is called light painting.......it was a technique learned last year -  but as I wasn't much impressed with it didn't I pay close attention.... at the time I said "I'll never use that"  now I have learned never say never!!

I set up the camera on a tripod in the pitch black back garden....... set the shutter speed at 10 seconds ... lit the sparkler - dashed 5 feet in front of the lens and swirled the sparkler around.... waited for the click .. then dashed back to see how the picture turned out.  It took me 18 tries to get this one.

I am not all that happy with even this one - 1) I can still sorta see myself and you shouldn't be able to see me and 2) the whole picture has a yellow hue to it - but trust me the sparklers were bright white when I used them - still got some work to do I guess.


Now this one was slow shutter speed...........(OH and if you click on the photo - if you don't already know this - it will open up a much bigger picture which might work better for these photos - to see the detail)

Now this took most of Sunday morning....... it involved tipping a wine glass at an angle - having a dark background - a light source shining on the glass - and slowly pouring water into the glass while you also took multiple pictures at a shutter speed of 1 tenth of a second.

First attempt involved the glass tipping over from the weight of the water and spilling water all over the kitchen!!!  So then I asked W for some duct tape to tape the wine glass to the tupperware lids I was using to create the angle - then a plant was plunked on the lids as well to weight them down (W's suggestion) and then shoot some more.  Every once in a while the duct tape would let go and the glass would fall and water would splash all over the kitchen!!  (What I do for a good shot!!)  

I took hours of shots -  trying to get just the right shutter speed - get the damn thing in focus - and get some sort of decent shot.  

This picture is an extra - W spotted - when he was reviewing the multiple pictures trying to help me select the best one for class - that there is a droplet arcing away from the glass onto the counter - you might see it best if you enlarge this picture............

Anyway after a couple of hours I was done - emailed the homework off to my teacher and cleaned up the make shift "photography studio" in the kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief.

Some Days........

Some days I wake up tired - exhausted tired - and wonder if there is any hope at all.... all the positive outlooks have looked and given up................

I am tired of going to the gym 4 times a week - working myself to exhaustion - with nothing......... NOTHING.... to show for it.  It has been 4 weeks now and I haven't lost an ounce (well i did lose a half pound - but it is back) My measurements haven't changed.  I wonder why I am doing this......... still

I am tired of "poking him" hoping against hope that he will smack my ass or pinch my tits.... just once in passing - just so I can feel he "sees" me.......

I am tired - mentally and physically tired....... and it makes me so damn sad.  A year ago I thought my dream had come true - I was gonna live the life I had planned for and dreamed of for most of my adult life ............. what a joke that is !!

And then this morning - knowing I was gonna write this 'down in the mouth' post I went looking for a picture that would illustrate the exhausted heart ....... and found this....... 

It challenged me to NOT give up............I am - after all - WOMAN

It Happened

After all my years blogging - and leaving comments on other blogs it finally happened......

I got blindsided by some little twerp who told me 
"And for morningstar, the key is that 24/7 naked in chains sexy time CANNOT be maintained, but 24/7 being a slave CAN. It just means that a lot of the time it seems rather ordinary on the surface."

jesus joseph and mary!!! 

quite obviously this lil slave does not read here - does not know me.........and truthfully I should just let it go... but dammit she made me angry ... I have never EVER wanted only the sexy 50 Shades of Grey BDSM...... EVER!  What I am living through right now is not even close to ordinary .............. it is a messy screwed up pile of emotions on both sides................

I just want to slap her - and that is so not me .......... honest true it isn't........... and at this point in my life you'd think I would know better than to respond (on any level) to some smart mouthed - holy than thou slave who believes there is only one TRUE way to do this .................. grrrrrrrrr............ 

I have been in this lifestyle for going on 30 years now...... I am LONG past the sexy in chains fantasy ............. I would love to see her keep on trucking if her Master told her He didn't get any pleasure from her anymore - if her Master didn't validate her service - didn't even notice it anymore... wonder how long she could hang on doing the service only thing before developing a little angst........

She doesn't read here (at least I doubt very much she does) but if she did .......  I have one last thing to say to her...............

(and now I will put away my soap box - bury the hurt feelings - and go to the gym and work out my anger)