On Growing older

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance

i received the above line in an email today - some email chain letter thingy that i generally dump without reading.... BUT .. that line.. the last line in the email kinda .. sorta .. jumped out at me....

It made me think.... how often do we grumble and stumble cause this isn't what we were expecting from life??? (include stamp of foot with this one) and how it just isn't fair?? How often do we wander back down memory's lane and whine and complain cause if only we were younger. .if only we hadn't.. if we could just ....

i am as guilty as the next person with my what ifs and should haves and could haves... and god they are dragging me kicking and screaming into middle age (ok ok.. maybe just a tad beyond middle age) ......

i look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back at me... sometimes i swear it is my mother...... and what the devil is she doing in MY mirror??!!! where the hell is the youthful woman i know inside my head...

and other times when the bones creak and the knees crackle and the body just complains (loudly) i get a little sad that life is this much over.......... and i moan about how much of my life i have wasted....

Then i stop... pull myself up by the boot straps .. slap myself upside the head.. and remind myself that without all that went before ...... i would NOT be the person i am today! and know what?? i rather like the person i am today...... grumpy and cranky.. sexy and sensual.. playful and naughty.. happy bright and joyful.. sad and moody.....

i have my scars ... and i gently caress them .. reminding myself they are badges of honour ... in many ways.. of what life has dealt me and how i have managed to endure .. and move on.. and grow .. and best of all ....... LOVE...

And so i think .. i will keep on dancing as fast as i can.....

cause another little saying that hangs on my office wall says:

We do not quit playing because we grow old...... we grow old because we quit playing.

to shave or not to shave

(with my apologies to Mr. Shakespeare)
to shave or not to shave that is the question!!



















i was first shaved some 30 odd years ago prior to surgery.......... and i loved it.. especially in the heat of the summer. And so i have remained clean shaven for the most part... right up to this day.

Now i shave or am shaved because it pleases Sir as much as it pleases myself.. the other factor is my clit jewelry - from time to time Sir will order me to display it to other folks (in the lifestyle !!) and i wouldn't want to have to hunt for it in a wilderness of hair.

BUT having said that...... there are times that i wonder about the psychology of this contentment i feel at being as naked of hair as the day i was born.

i have spent some time wondering if this is healthy....... am i .. in some weird subconscious way ... trying to escape back to my childhood. God forbid - am i looking for a 'daddy' figure??? age play??? and i would answer quite truthfully - not even close !! i just really like the feel of it.. the absolute availability of it..the exposure of it.

A few days ago i got into a discussion with another female about shaving. (she doesn't) and she equates it with feeling feminine. (Now before anyone jumps all over me.. i respect her feelings and her opinions.......but it got me to thinking)

Could it be possible that women who don't shave are actually hiding their sexual femininity?? are they feeling repressed sexually?? not wanting to admit to being a sexual being??

Could it be possible that women who do shave are less sexually inhibited.. more in tune to their bodies needs/wants/desires... that they are proud of their bodies and their sexuality and are willing to show it off (not literally - for heaven's sakes!! i mean figuratively !!)

Oh welllllll it is a bit like the debate of how many angels can dance on a head of a pin.... i don't expect any right or wrong answers...... it's just something i am musing over as i lay in the sun and soak up the joy of summer vacation and end of renovations......... and charge the batteries before the wedding (4 more days)

Summer fun..

For some unfathomable reason.. i have been waiting for my summer holidays to begin......... (school finished last friday!!) i think having the renovator in all week ripping the hell out of the bathroom has made me feel .. stifled. AND i am still on a schedule.. i am up bright and early every morning .. showered and dressed and the coffee on by 7:30 - that is NOT summer vacation !!!

Yesterday i had to go out and run some messages...... and i asked Sir if i might have permission to go to the second hand book store and buy a bagful of books. My summer vacation is rated excellent when i have spent it curled up in my secret garden.... under the umbrella...... reading. And this year .. between one thing and another, i really hadn't stocked up on any summer reading. Sooooooo i went.. and i browsed.. and i teetered to the cash with my arms full (absolutely totally full ) of books. While the girl was sorting through them all.. (and joy of joys.. it turned out for every 3 books i bought i got one free!!) i was looking through a bin of discounted books ......... and what to my surprise did i find at the bottom of the pile....... but a book called "House Rules". It really caught my eye because the other night Sir and i were chatting with the new lil subbie.... and we had been discussing Sir's house rules. Flipping through the pages i realized i had stumbled on a piece of BDSM fiction. wow !!! and it was only $1.76....... i couldn't believe my good luck.

And so today..... while the rain pounded against the windows.. and the renovator guy was pounding away in the bathroom.. i curled up in the big comfy chair and started reading "House Rules"......... ( i have to say their house rules are more interesting and more fun than Sir's !!!)

The renovator announced that he intends to have the bathroom finished before he leaves tomorrow (god why does that sound ominous??) The sun has peaked out.. and i am thinking by next week....... maybe just maybe it will feel like summer vacation !!!

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And to celebrate the start of summer vacation i have posted - on the photo journey - some summer fun pics. Enjoy

scorpio

Horoscopes intrigue me... and yeah i know they are usually wrong.. and anyone who reads them / believes in them is a little bit crackers.. and "what sign are you" went out decades ago...........

Maybe my superstitious side comes from my paternal grandmother.. god she was superstitious... she went regularly to the "gypsies" to have her fortune told.. and i was always being inundated with things like not opening an umbrella in the house.. a bird flying into a closed window meant a death in the house.. if the palm of your right hand itches you will receive money .. if it is your left hand you will owe it.. if your feet itch you will walk on strange ground..

Whatever the reason i am a sucker for horoscopes and readings and tarot cards..
and of course i found this site which gives you general horoscope traits.. and i couldn't resist........... here is mine............

and here is Sir's.........






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and for those of you who didn't wait for the clock to be almost ready to turn from July 1 to July 2nd.. the new post to the fictional journey is up and ready for your reading pleasure...

a little this.. a little that

Yesterday morning the renovation guy arrived... and the work on my bathroom started.... i meant to take a picture of the ugly vanity that was there....... of the yellowish/goldish sink and tarnished brass fixtures....... but it was such a relief to know they were going that i forgot.......

It took pretty much the better part of the day to rip out the cabinet.. the medicine chest.. the wall to wall mirror and fluorescent .. yes i said fluorescent.. light that hung above the mirror.... to expose the pipes and the .. you won't believe this.. the PINK tiles that were under the cabinet........PINK!!! Everything was dug up removed and plastered over.. and i was left with the picture above at 4:30 when he left.........

i can not imagine now.. can not see in my mind's eye... what the new vanity.. new mirror and new cabinet will look like.. i do know there will be some problems.. like the drainage pipe that runs along the wall exposed ....... (can't be sunk into the wall as it is an outside wall ..and here in the Great White North - we tend to like our water pipes inside the house) the damn light fixture wires that are most definitely not in a good spot.. and some government code says they can not be plastered over...

For now i can shower in the dark..... brush my teeth in the kitchen (or the shower if i wish) and pee in the dark...... no electricity into the room...... and only water to shower and flush............ the upstairs is upside down - what a mess !!! and god only knows how long this is gonna take.. the clock is ticking.. the wedding is exactly 11 days away.... and i have the 'girls' sleeping over on the friday.. a house full of women to get showered and made up and dressed before the wedding......... the pressure is definitely on !!!!

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oh yeah.... and because my dear friend Buffalo is chomping at the bit to get a look at this month's story........ and emailed as the clock turned the day from Monday the 30th to Tuesday the 1st... and because i am SUCH a brat... the next installment of the fictional journey will be posted today....... but i am not saying when!!! it is written and waiting in the gate......... waiting for the right time.... (the kid in me is going "nah nah nah !!!")