# 1 ??

A while back my profile on Fetlife said something to the effect of "I don't mind being #2 or #3 or even #4."  Meaning I wanted to play and was quite happy fitting into someone's schedule.  A tentative step towards poly I think........ 

Then I met Daddy Dom who said I deserved to be someone's #1... and it had a really nice ring to it... BUT I wanted to play and at that moment in time being somewhere down someone's list of priorities seemed ok.....

And then - things started to pick up...... Daddy Dom was playing with me - but he always said he wanted "poly" 

Then I met The Sadist - and he only wanted someone to play with - no strings attached.

And so - for a while now I have been struggling with old terms like slut ..... but I didn't really feel that term fit ....... not the "slut" i had been taught not to be (did you follow that one?? LOL)

And I realized - most of the time - I am very happy with the relationships I have formed.  I don't mind not being someone's #1.

BUT I didn't really have a word for what I had...... and I do like things explained, labelled, and wrapped up neatly with a bow.  And so I struggled.

Then ...... wow ........ I read something over on Fetlife that talked about 'solo polyamory'.  And another piece to the puzzle - that has become my life - fell into place.  

From what I understood from the writing - I didn't need a primary partner to be poly I could be poly with myself as #1.  I certainly don't lie to the men I am playing with and I feel connections to each of them - different types of connections - but still connections.

So maybe being my own #1 is enough.

 


and there's more to come Part 2 and Part 3 - the words just kept coming :)

Not even in the same book

Over the years Monday mornings were spent reporting my kinky activities over the weekend.  Recently there have been fewer and fewer kinky activities to report.  And so I have found myself on Monday mornings trying to think what to write.

And so it is this Monday Morning - me sitting here staring at the monitor realizing there is not much of anything to report. Oh I could make excuses - like the weather was horrendous and so we missed a munch - or that I have been under the weather but the point is............ it isn't just this Monday morning.............kink is about as rare around here as unicorns.

And so I thought why not forget personal kink for a bit (hopefully it will return with a vengeance one day) and talk about kinky stuff - just stuff.

So here goes...................

I have moaned and bitched before about feeling like a dinosaur - but I think it is much more than that.  I believe the BDSM I grew up with - grew into - and loved - has been muchly watered down and sanitized and made acceptable for the newbies who wander in and around the hallowed halls of this lifestyle.  

The last meeting of the sub group showed me that in spades!  There was a very young newbie who had a question.  And we encourage questions.  And we encourage sharing.

His question was "what is topping from the bottom?"

and I sat back and smiled internally and thought - easy peasy answer.  BUT what I heard in response to the question made me realize not only are we not on the same page - hells bells we aren't even in the same book!!!

The definition for "topping from the bottom" looked and sounded a whole lot like S.A.M

or smart assed masochist.  He was told when a submissive acts up - or plays the brat - or deliberately disobeys to get a spanking that is topping from the bottom.  The newbie sat there nodding - almost making notes.  I looked around the room........ everyone just sat there either nodding vigorously or giving blank stares.

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!  not even in the same book

I said quietly and clearly - in my book that is not topping from the bottom - that is being a S.A.M (and I didn't even bother to define it - what's the point??)

Topping from the bottom (the way I was taught) means - the submissive tells the Dominant exactly what to do.... when to do it... and how.  Pretty simple I think.  Doesn't leave much room for misinterpretation.  and has nothing - not one damn thing to do with being a brat/SAM!!!

IF the simplest of definitions is cock-eyed and skewered - imagine what the deeper more important definitions look like!!  I think over the next little while - every once in a while - I will take one of those skewered cock-eyed definitions and share what it means to me - what I was taught it meant - many moons ago - when dinosaurs walked on earth.  You certainly do not have to agree with me - and I encourage you to disagree with me in the comment section - or simply blow me off as being old and out of touch.

Shrug

It's the best I have to offer right now.