Finding the Right Words

On Saturday I wrote a piece "Conflicted"........ mostly I knew it was something I had to deal with -- work my way through it .... and find peace with my decision..... Cause there was no way in hell I was gonna walk away from this relationship!

On Friday afternoon Sir Steve and I had a trip to the Nation's capital to take care of some 'business' (more on that much later) ... and I was very quiet.  He asked what was wrong and I gave my pat answer "nothing".... because I wasn't ready to talk about my conflicts.  And yet I knew I had to share with him... had to make him understand how I was feeling -- and let him help me find a solution.  BUT it was so difficult to find the right words.

When we got home Sir Steve ordered pizza for dinner ....... and out of the blue I just started talking...... I talked about how I was very proud of how hard he was working at this job... how he was climbing the ladder of success... but I asked him if he had ever thought about how -- without me - he wouldn't have been able to do this.  (this isn't just an exaggeration on my part -- without me he would have to hire a full time nanny because of his hours) I told him no one was gonna give me a pat on the back -- or give me a raise or a promotion.......... what was happening was I was turning into a 'stay at home Mom' and I left that position many many years ago.......

AND I pointed out that even financially I wasn't gaining anything....... 

His reaction surprised me to be honest.  Usually when we have one of these sorts of talks -- his response has always been "you're right..... I'll fix this"...... but then I don't really see any big changes.  This time he wrapped his arms around me and told me I was right -- he wouldn't be where he is today if it wasn't for me........ and that he DID appreciate the work I did to free him up ....... and that he loved me muchly :)


On Saturday Sir Steve took me out shopping and he bought me a new winter coat one that actually fits (I have lost so much weight since I bought my last one that it just hangs one me) and then he helped get ready for the Thanksgiving Feast.  On Sunday he told me he would put my winter tires on my car .... and got me to order the brake parts that I need and he will fix my brakes .... AND.... he took me into the bedroom on Sunday afternoon and made sweet love to me (despite suffering from his carpel tunnel and needing a nap) ...... and then took me out to dinner so I didn't have to cook!

He talked to me -- mostly about nothing --- just bantering back and forth -- we used to do that a lot and I have been missing it.   

It turned out to be a very good Thanksgiving weekend -- I think we both realized how much we have to be thankful for...........  and maybe this is a new beginning for both of us!



Life is good when you find the right words ...........

Size Does Count

OR - explaining sex with a masochist to a Sadist

Back when I was playing with the 2 Sirs -- She would love to tell the story of how she shocked some gay males one evening by demonstrating the size of Sir Steve's cock by plunking a water bottle on the table -- and saying "yup -- pretty much that big".  I am guessing I probably blushed and took my mind elsewhere.  It wasn't for me to dream about. 

Except now it is mine and I can dream and fantasize to my heart's content.  Just for comparison purposes -- for science (yup that's it -- for science!!)  here's how a water bottle fits in a hand..............

yup that big!!

Now as much as the saying goes "it's not about the size -- but what they do with it" let me reassure you all -- in this case Sir Steve has both covered -- size and what to do with it.  (and often)

I told Sir Steve -- after the first time we had sex -- that I was NEVER gonna tell anyone how big he was -- or how good -- cause I wasn't anyone's PR person (cheeky grin)

And honestly that is not what this blog entry is about -- honest!!!  

Last weekend Sir Steve had my legs over his shoulders and I kept repeating "ouch ouch ouch" with a couple of "oh my GOD's" added in for good measure. And he stopped!  

YES stopped!!!

and put my legs back down on the bed.   Fortunately he didn't give me much time to pout.  BUT I have been wondering why he would stop -- and how to approach the subject with him.

The other night I was being a bit bratty (yeah I know that's a HUGE shock - morningstar a brat!!??  )   and said I was gonna have to start poking his internal Sadist.  From there it was a fairly easy jump to asking why he stopped.  Turns out he didn't want to hurt me.  WTF?!  I tried to find a comparison -- so I said "if you are beating my ass and I say ouch would you stop" and he said 'that's play -- we weren't playing that time I don't want to hurt you" 

B I G   S I G H !

He's such a wonderful Dom -- such a caring man !!  BUT I am not a china doll -- and honest true I won't break.  I had to find a way to explain that to him - or learn to stop saying "ouch" .......... an explanation seemed the easier way .......... 

So I 'introduced' myself to him one more time -- reminded  him I am a masochist... and pain turns me on -- the more pain the more turned on I get.  It's really a simple equation. He hesitantly said he got it.  So I made him a promise -- I would still say ouch ouch (cause dear god it DOES hurt!)  BUT that if it is 'bad' hurt I will make sure he knows...... no safe words please -- just plain english -- something along the lines of "wait stop -- that's too much! "  

Size does count -- especially for a masochist -- and communication  counts too so everyone is on the same page.
And that is a recipe for a good relationship!