Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Another Day - Another Dollar

My life is falling into a routine - finally.

I go to the gym every morning.... and then after lunch I start working on the computer - doing this new job - and sweating bullets.  

No no - that's not entirely true - I am finally getting the hang of the program and the content the "client" is expecting us to turn into a hollywood production.  Thank god for YouTube - as I have managed to teach myself a few editing tricks by watching the videos.

I find myself thinking less and less about BDSM and lack of a dominant in my life.  I figure IF I am meant to be involved - meant to have a dominant - it will happen............ if not?? shrug.... then life will be quite mundane and vanilla.

At times I do miss the connection a submissive has with her Dominant - but then I just push it all out of my head and concentrate harder on the "job".  After all - truthfully - who wants a 60+ year old submissive without the perky breasts and perky body - and perky everything??!!! (and if I let my mind go in that direction - it only spells disaster for my self esteem - so enough of that!)

Except ............ 

There is no off switch for those thoughts..... and I pretend to everyone 'out there' that everything is fine and I am quite happy with the way things are............. but deep down inside there is an emptiness - a big hollow hole - that I am not sure will ever be filled.  And that makes me quite sad.

4 comments:

abby said...

As my mom often said...if it is meant to be, it will be. You are doing what you can to move on. I bet there are some 'older'...like us...dominants who would be darned lucky to have you.
hugs abby

Anonymous said...

Hugs from mini me

Ordalie said...

An off switch for so many sad thoughts...That's what I crave.

Anonymous said...

See you tonight. This one resonates through me too. Am pretty much in the same spot.

J