Sunday, January 08, 2012
I have always prided myself on good budgeting skills. For obvious reasons I have never had a bookkeeping program - but I have a running budget in my head...... simple budget - money in and money out.
Oh I am not saying I haven't had times of overspending - I have! But never to any great extreme.
Last year something happened to me........... I got jealous of all the "things" other people had.. I wanted them too. I couldn't understand why I was always doing without while others were taking holidays - spending money on stuff - and basically (in my mind) totally enjoying life.
Last year I got this "I don't give a damn attitude". I am not proud to say this....... but for a while I figured I was going to die...... and there was so much I had missed out on...... and I was pissed off. Life wasn't fair.............
So I started to spend. I dipped into my savings like there was no tomorrow..... cause in my warped mind - there probably wasn't gonna be a "tomorrow". And I spent......... and spent ......... and spent some more.
About two months ago........ that running budget I keep in my head started sounding the alarm but I didn't listen........
Friday my bookkeeper showed up to work on my accounting program and set up my yearly tax payments to the government.
Now the alarms went from a quiet gentle beep - to an ear shattering air raid siren.
Right now I am facing 1) heating costs 2) property taxes 3) government tax withholdings and I look at the bank account and realize I am in trouble...... with a capital "T".
This morning the sensible me came back and took over my life. I had been feeling sorry for myself again - this past weekend. Sorry for myself cause I have basically been sick for the entire 2 weeks off work. I have worked myself to a frazzle making sure everyone's holiday was as perfect as I could make it......... and I didn't get to do anything I wanted to do!! (see me sulk??)
This morning sensible me gave the extravagant me a stern talking to........ 'thank god I had been sick for these two weeks - otherwise I would have been out in the stores buying "stuff" cause it looked pretty and I wanted it" The most I have spent in the last 2 weeks is just over $40 on medications. And I haven't used my credit card once.
This morning I sat down and took a real long hard look at the mess that is my budget.
Oh there is gonna be a whole lot of belt tightening around here for the next umpty ump months... and not a choice between Prada or Gucci either - more like a long piece of butcher's string. (my own version of self bondage)
I will get myself out of this mess that I have managed to get myself into......... cause that is part and parcel of who I am....... I got myself into this...... I WILL get myself out - no matter what it takes..... even if it means I spend the next umpty ump months in the house not spending one cent unless it is a necessity.