Sunday, January 29, 2012
Anger no more
I have always ....... ALWAYS........ had trouble with people who lie to me... or try to trick me... or talk about me behind my back..... in other words - people who make me angry.
My mother used to tell me over and over "don't put yourself on their level"......
My grandmother used to tell me - "they will get what's coming to them ....... you may not be there to see it - but trust me - they WILL get what's coming to them"
But still I allowed people to anger me........ to upset me..... even when these mean spirited people did get what was coming to them.. even when I KNEW they got what was coming to them.....
Then last year I decided life was just too bloody short to give these mean spirited people that much power over me.. that much control of my life.
It has NOT been easy - and my anger - my "get even" mentality has reared it's ugly lil head from time to time. But I seem better able to reel the emotions back in .. get them under control....
Case in point......... as most who read here regularly know ........ i have a "stalker" (for lack of better words). And just when I think it is safe to stick my head out and breath she comes sneaking back into my life via comments here on The Journey - or in email... usually emails to W cc'd to me.
There is one email that stands out......... oh how I would have loved to hit the 'reply' button and let my scathing comments flow out into an email........ but instead I deleted it .. forever...... (so temptation didn't win). And slowly the snide innuendos from her email faded in my memory - until today I honestly can't tell you what she wrote - just that it had angered me.
There have been other emails - and I have deleted (forever) immediately and have been amazed at how easy it is getting .. and how much better I feel - how much more in control I feel - for not responding.
It doesn't hurt at all that W has responded to the lastest email with words that support me....... (for the record it made me feel warm and fuzzy and cared for)
So I am learning - albeit slowly - that if I let someone's nasty words against me rule my day ....or week... I am giving them power over me......... which is the very last thing I want to do..........
It isn't an easy lesson.............. and it has taken me a damn long time to learn it ........ but I am here to say how 'freeing' it is not to have to get even........... not to have to prove I am right and they are wrong (they being a generic 'they')
I keep remembering life is too short to be angry - or vengeful - I am going to live this part of my life with more joy than sadness ....... more peace than turmoil....... with more love than hate.