Saturday, September 24, 2011

On being true to oneself

A whole mess of things have kinda sorta exploded in my life....... a slow explosion.... taking weeks - maybe months........ 

BUT the match that lit the fuse - was the latest crap coming out of the BDSM community here in the Great White North.

People have decided to fix all that is wrong with the community........ they have decided in their infinite wisdom that we need to identify as "Leather".......... ok - no problem so far....... 

EXCEPT 


it is a private by invitation only club (for lack of a better word) 

HUH???  since when is being "LEATHER" a private organisation - formed only for the glory of a few???!!!

I want no part of that............... sounds too damn much like high school - the popular kids against the unpopular............ didn't play that game then....... ain't gonna play it now.


And then there are the questions - from well meaning folks........... asking why I am not collared - after all W and I are back together - so where is the collar??? Which makes me feel unsublike - not submissive - not good enough....... a whole mess of emotions.  Makes me feel like I am in some sort of limbo - between here and there............. 




And all that shit got me thinking about a very special lady - a lady who (in many ways) helped me become the woman I am today.  Aunty Olive.





I have always said every family needs an "Aunty Olive" .......... she never minced words.. told it like it was........ and if you didn't like it...... sucks to be you.  She was the living definition of "eccentric" ............ she had dogs instead of kids (often times having 4 or more boxers) ....she wore flower baskets on her head as sun hats......she made her own clothes that always involved mix matched plaids.... she lived quietly with the same woman for 20+ years ...... this other woman being 20 years her senior.........and never once flaunted her "life style" in anyone's face (of course - in those days being a lesbian was a dirty word) 

She worked hard her whole life and never once asked anyone for anything.  

I was remembering when she had flesh eating disease - and it was attacking her brain... and somehow - pure stubbornness I think - she survived it.  And the doctor called me and told me Aunty Olive was going to make it......... but she was sorry because it appeared there had been some brain damage.  The doctor hummed and hawed as she tried to describe this "brain damage" ....... It turned out Aunty Olive had lost patience with the medical staff and had told them point blank "they were all  farting asses".  She was 75+ plus at the time and I guess the doctor figured Olive would be some sort of "lady" with lady-like language.  I told the doctor that she had just given me the best news possible.......... "farting asses" happened to be Olive's favourite expletive.

And so today I remember Aunty Olive and how she NEVER bowed to popular opinion.. never belonged to the "in crowd" never had a need to be front and center.  

And this woman that I loved more than words could ever describe taught me to stand up for who I am .......... and walk away from all that was wrong............. because some times you could fight the good fight and some times .......... it was all just one big farting ass mess.


I really needed to be reminded of that today.......... I am very glad Aunty Olive came and sat on my shoulder this morning and gave me "a talking to"  ...... some days I miss her more than others.

6 comments:

Sir said...

Why isn't morningstar collared, well that is a simple ( well knot really ) answer, I haven't decided if I want to have a collared submissive again.

It has NOTHING to do with morningstar being a worthy collared submissive, because she IS worthy of that honor! It is Me and only Me that has doubts knot because of her butt of ME AND ONLY ME.

As for her Aunt Olive, I would have loved to have known her from what I hear from her family I would have enjoyed her very much butt I missed that chance by several months after starting to become morningtar's Sir she passed on and this is My great loss.

W

Buffalo said...

Okay. Here is the long and short of it. You need to quit listening to what people put out there. You do you thing and leave them the hell to their own devices. Life is too fucking short.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Buffalo. You need to learn to say,"go fuck yourself!!" and let it go.

You and I have history and I don't want things like what others have to say, to drive you backwards.

I love you and will always be there for you.

morningstar said...

Anonymous is it nice that you are there for me.... however being anonymous makes it a little difficult for me to reach out - doesn't it???

thanks for the kind words though

swan said...

I remember talking about your Aunty Olive when you visited here. I am glad that she remains a part of you -- strong and sure and uncompromising.

You are inventing yourself and your life anew. It won't look the way other people's lives look. Try not to worry. It will be exactly what you create and that will be good.

Hugs,
sue (who is contemplating the return to swan-ish-ness)

BlazngScarlet said...

I agree with Buffalo as well.
Do your own thing, be your own person, live your own life.

No need to involve yourself in someone elses idea of what should be, and who should be allowed to participate.
They'll live with their own "farting ass mess".