Monday, January 10, 2011

Jan 10th



In exactly 40 minutes I am leaving to go for my pre-op tests.

I am so scared I can hardly breathe.  This isn't just "white coat" syndrome.  This is fear that in all these tests they are going to find "something".

Right now I feel so alone - and even if I had 100 people with me - the feelings wouldn't change...... because this is about me.. my body... people won't help.  I just have to do this alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I survived all the tests

If they find anything wrong someone will contact me in 48 hours

I was so drained I had a headache and slept for 2 hours this afternoon.  It feels so damn stupid to do this to one's body... yet I honestly don't know how to turn off this fear of hospitals and doctors.

Thank you all for your support and kind thoughts. 

9 comments:

  1. You are going to be fine, the only thing they are going to find is your human.

    I would have to get sick right now that I am not with you at this time even if you wish to be alone. No one should be at a hospital alone for tests or anything else.

    The Cell is on call forwarding so call me when you get in....

    Warren

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  2. sending good thoughts and warm hugs your way~~~~~~~

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  3. I too am sending all positive thoughts filled with love and hugs your way.

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  4. Hope everything turns out for the best.

    Prefectdt

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  5. Impish15:06 pm

    Yes, you're right. You do. BUT you are : big enough, brave enough, stong enough, able enough to do it. You CAN. Now go out there and do it!

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  6. LOL

    Impish you sound just like my mother.

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  7. I am glad that you are done with this part. Hopefully, there'll be nothing at all that will impede your progress toward renewed health.

    Hugs, Sue

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  8. i know where you are coming from by saying "you would feel alone even if there were 100 people with you". i had precancer cells in my womb six years ago and had to undergo tests , ops to remove them , and finally when they regrew back a hysterectomy.
    Fortunately i came out the other side and everthing was contained.... and i have had no reoccurances ,but at the time i saw the dr's i didnt want any other person with me, as i felt that i would have had to be strong for them as well as myself. ( and i hate hospitals even though they do good)
    hope you have good news at the results.......It was probably the stress that gave out the headache and tiredness
    hugs and light
    saffy

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  9. I was at the Children's Hospital with baby B on Monday (scheduled ultrasound) or I would have offered to come with you.

    Hang in there. This is almost over and you'll be well on your way to eating yummy foods again. :)

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