Monday, January 10, 2011

Jan 10th

In exactly 40 minutes I am leaving to go for my pre-op tests.

I am so scared I can hardly breathe.  This isn't just "white coat" syndrome.  This is fear that in all these tests they are going to find "something".

Right now I feel so alone - and even if I had 100 people with me - the feelings wouldn't change...... because this is about me.. my body... people won't help.  I just have to do this alone.


I survived all the tests

If they find anything wrong someone will contact me in 48 hours

I was so drained I had a headache and slept for 2 hours this afternoon.  It feels so damn stupid to do this to one's body... yet I honestly don't know how to turn off this fear of hospitals and doctors.

Thank you all for your support and kind thoughts. 


Sir said...

You are going to be fine, the only thing they are going to find is your human.

I would have to get sick right now that I am not with you at this time even if you wish to be alone. No one should be at a hospital alone for tests or anything else.

The Cell is on call forwarding so call me when you get in....


Hisflower said...

sending good thoughts and warm hugs your way~~~~~~~

BlazngScarlet said...

I too am sending all positive thoughts filled with love and hugs your way.


Hope everything turns out for the best.


Impish1 said...

Yes, you're right. You do. BUT you are : big enough, brave enough, stong enough, able enough to do it. You CAN. Now go out there and do it!

morningstar said...


Impish you sound just like my mother.

Sue said...

I am glad that you are done with this part. Hopefully, there'll be nothing at all that will impede your progress toward renewed health.

Hugs, Sue

saffy said...

i know where you are coming from by saying "you would feel alone even if there were 100 people with you". i had precancer cells in my womb six years ago and had to undergo tests , ops to remove them , and finally when they regrew back a hysterectomy.
Fortunately i came out the other side and everthing was contained.... and i have had no reoccurances ,but at the time i saw the dr's i didnt want any other person with me, as i felt that i would have had to be strong for them as well as myself. ( and i hate hospitals even though they do good)
hope you have good news at the results.......It was probably the stress that gave out the headache and tiredness
hugs and light

anna said...

I was at the Children's Hospital with baby B on Monday (scheduled ultrasound) or I would have offered to come with you.

Hang in there. This is almost over and you'll be well on your way to eating yummy foods again. :)

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