Monday, May 31, 2010

High Road

Almost 3 months ago I announced I was going to "take the high road" And I know there are some who will probably question this blog entry. But I have had a few comments and private emails saying 'no one ever writes about break ups - how to do it.. etc"

My advice is to do IT quietly. No matter how many times you feel you are being goaded into exploding outward do IT quietly. I know it is amazing how many rush to watch the "train wreck" but don't give them anything to see. When I first announced my "uncollaring" the daily hits on The Journey topped 200 a day - which is HUGE compared to my normal days.

Don't think for one minute it is easy to do IT quietly - it isn't... especially when there are rumours and gossip flying around.. especially when you feel you are being pushed into reacting.

See this period in your life as an amazing opportunity to learn. I know I have learned about personal space and personal boundaries... and a spin off on the old saying from school "your job my job" now it is "your shit my shit". Learn that you are a strong independent soul.... and have the tools at hand to stop most of the rumours/gossip getting through your "walls". Block/ban/spam. Pull your walls in close around you.. pull your closest friends in tight around you.

Don't stop living - no matter how much it hurts! It is important despite the high walls of protection - to let the world see you are alive and well. Hold your head up high - ok ok that one took me awhile to master. I went to work I came home. I spent time with family and close friends and I came home. BUT I finally felt ready to actually go out!

And when I did - I stepped out with head held high and back straight. I had nothing to be ashamed of. The weeks and months of taking the high road paid off. No one thought evil thoughts of me - or if they did - they sure didn't say them to my face. Quite the opposite. It is amazing how word spreads in this "community". I had taken the high road. I did not turn this non-event into a train wreck. And the people who really matter............. well they know. They do. Even when we think no one else knows what we are going through... they know... they just do.

One of the most interesting things that was said to me over these last few weeks was from someone I only called an acquaintance. She said " the best thing about this "divorce" and division of property..... we got you!"

So now I am here. And here is a very good place to be. And to quote my favourite author Dr. Seuss...... from his book "Oh the places you'll go"

"You have brains in your head You have feet in Your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose You're on your own And you know what you know You're the guy who'll decide where to go!"


swan said...

I see nothing at all wrong with what you've written here. Those who told you that nobody ever talks about this part were exactly right. Good for you for having navigated these tricky waters and finding your way to your own place.


Impish1 said...

Taking the high road is the correct, but often difficult path in any situation. Good job.
Another reason for the increased number of hits may be that people who were visiting occasionally became concerned for you, and began to visit more regularly. That's how I came here.

morningstar said...

thank you impish but .. my numbers dropped off pretty quickly once folks knew I wasn't gonna talk about it.

Experience has taught me folks tend to enjoy drama - as long as it is someone else's.

sin said...

I think you can see it as mean spirited but it's not necessarily so. Blog readers come to read our stories, to read about our lives as we present them to the world. Your readers were curious about you, concerned, interested. You can see that as bad or as good.

morningstar said...

No no sin.. I never thought of it as mean spirited not at all. I'm just saying.. just like with newspapers and train wrecks - people are interested to know what is happening.

I believe I still have the same number of readers.. just not all at once .....

And I am the first one to say that without my blog.. without the support from the folks who read it... life would have been a whole lot more difficult!!

It was nice to know that whatever I wrote was ok. It was nice to know that people cared .

It's still very nice to know people care !


Anonymous said...

Yep... Im a lurker and I certainly do care :)

Anonymous said...

I never thought of you as a train wreck, just someone who was doing something difficult and struggling and I commented because I wanted to be helpful. :) But yes, I know what you mean and my blog hits would go up whenever something important was happening on my blog. But remember, too, a lot of the numbers are the same people checking several times a day to see if you've updated. 'Cause people worry, you see. :)

I'm so glad you're doing so well, kudos to you!


anna said...

I think this is excellent advice. Thank you for sharing it.

I'm going to save this blog post and keep it very close at hand.

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