Tuesday, August 15, 2006

sub drop

i tried looking up on the net a definition / explanation of sub drop.. it amazes me actually that with all the submissives/slaves out there.. that no one has written a definitive article on sub drop... In fact a lot of submissives i know, don't even know what it is. i did find one bit of information though.. that sub drop is more commonly going to happen at a public play venue than in a private play session. Why?? because the author believes that there is less time for the Dom to do proper after care..that there is too much noise and excitement and electricity still reverberating through the rooms...... i don't know what the answer is.. i only know what i have just journeyed through..

Sir and i played hard on the weekend.. (and i DO promise to write more detail another day) but we played Friday night, Saturday during the day and again Saturday night. It seemed almost as though i never completely came down from the endorphin high. And then all around me at all hours were heavy play sessions, i could hear the whimpers, the cries, the shrieks of the submissives. I could feel the electricity in the air - it was a tangible thing! AND there was no where to go to find peace and quiet.. and i crave peace and quiet at the best of times....

There is one scene that i remember vividly - it had a strange reaction on me...... (first i have to explain - i am NOT a voyeur.. i do not normally spend much time watching other scenes - especially if they involve sexual interaction. i always feel like a peeping tom) Saturday night .. late.. Sir and i were standing with a group of friends in the play tent chatting... well they were chatting .. i was off in some la la land... listening with my mind's eye to all the noise of play going on around me. Right beside me was a massage table. On it was a pretty young female submissive. Her Top was standing beside me - partially blocking my view of what it was He was actually doing - which is probably why i was able to be drawn into their play.... i was watching her face.. she had a beautiful face... i watched as her eyes became dreamy .. almost glazed over and then i realized that her ass was going up and down as though controlled by strings. Her Top shifted a bit and i realized He was hand fucking her.. maybe even fisting.. i did NOT look that closely.... i watched as her fingers clawed at the leather table top... as her head dropped and her mouth opened and soft gentle moans emanated from her, i found myself getting lost in her body .. her expressions.. the smell of her.. the excitement coming from her. i wanted to reach out and stroke her face.

And then.. it was Sunday morning and Sir was saying we were going out for breakfast with another couple. i have absolutely no memory of anything after that lil subbie being fucked. The diner we went too had a reputation of being a "Mom's" place.. not a Mom and Pop place but a MOM place.... the woman who owned and ran the diner was just like the strictest Mom you can think of.. and i remember feeling the urge to cry when i asked for milk for my coffee instead of cream and she gave me THAT look only Mothers can give....

Then i remember being back at the camp and desperately wanting to be alone.. to find quiet.. to find my center .. Now yes i should have gone to Sir .. i should have told Him what was happening inside my head.. the only problem is.. i couldn't identify what was going on in my head!! i felt so lost and alone....

Later on Sir found me standing beside the car and He swooped me up in His arms and cuddled me and kissed my forehead and kept asking me what was wrong.. and all i remember saying was "don't ask me .. don't ask me".. it was like i couldn't put two words together and make any sense... i melted into Him and the tears started to flow..... BUT just then this other person we had more or less been saddled with to bring back home showed up in my face.. ready to leave. i pulled myself together, put on the tough old bird act... and went to say my goodbyes.... inside of me was this huge weight.. it felt like i had swallowed a boulder. i know i said virtually nothing of consequence in the car coming home.. all 4 hours of it.. i know i couldn't make up my mind what i wanted to eat when we finally got home and had the car unpacked... i know i just wanted to shut down.. find some quiet and find my center.. and i couldn't.. and i couldn't turn to Sir for help....

Yesterday.. after Sir left me.. after i had manically run around doing messages here there and everywhere i came home and dissolved.. completely and totally dissolved.. cried and cried and cried till there wasn't a tear left. Then i curled up on the sofa with my blanket and my "cuffs" (a teddy bear Sir gave me a couple of years ago) and just vegetated... then i was able to make some dinner and i began to feel i was coming out of the fog i had been in for god only knows how long.....

Now i am scared - plain scared - that Sir is angry with me. i have so little memory of anything after Saturday night.. and He seems so distant from me right now... i know He feels lost too.. He was holding me on Sunday thinking He had done something wrong.. and i couldn't do or say anything to make Him understand what was going on.. HELL !!! i didn't know what was going on..........

tell me please......... have you experienced sub drop.. anything that sounds like what i went through?? have any of you ever experienced such an emotional roller coaster ride??? i think we need to get some information pooled together on sub drop.. what it feels like.. what it looks like.. what makes it better.. so that other submissives and Doms alike can read and have the light bulb click on and say.. OK!!!! that's what's happening...... cause it can be a pretty lonely place...............


RAheretic's swan said...

yes... Here's a place no one talks much about. Partly because it is, as you experienced, largely a function of overload -- and that may not occur all that frequently (at least not at the level that you noted here). I do think, though, that many of us note some sort of moodiness, and never make the connection that it may well be "sub-drop." We identify the high that we experience in scene, but miss the low that can come on the other side.

The chemistry that drives this may not be all that surprising if we pay attention -- something akin to an insulin drop in someone with diabetes perhaps. The reactions you describes surely "look" like that in some ways. Whatever brings it on, the stew you found yourself in was a perfect setup -- lots of intense stimulus, and very little time to proscess and/or decompress in between. The system will work at some level to "take you down," and force the mental drop that gives you the break your mind requires.

I doubt, very seriously, based on what I have read of your Sir, that he'd be angry with you for your very normal and human reaction. Perhaps baffled and confused, but angry -- I cannot imagine it! Please be gentle with yourself, dear lady. You had an intense and amazing experience, and you are still accommodating. It will all be fine.


slave lucy said...

i know exactly what you are feeling. After an extended amount of play i tend to have what Master calls...."extreme PMS symptoms" i feel an extreme low after an extreme high.

After a couple days of intense focus on BDSM and Master there is bound to be emotions when you have to refocus to real life. You have to be independant again and there is a loss of a certain closeness that i feel with Master. Not like He is gone but i have to recenter myself again so that i may continue with my real life.

i personally find that a little extra TLC helps and a few tasks help me reconnect with the feelings i had over the weekend. (i LOVE tasks though....hehehe)

i agree that we/subs should talk more about sub drop and ways to cope. there are some days when it feels impossible to recenter myself.

Thanks for sharing

Spring said...

I experience subdrop often. I think it is because my experiences have been with more casual play partners (I haven't found the right one for me, yet), and there has been little to no after care involved. I go into an emotional spiral, that leads to a funk of a depression. Depending upon how intense the play was, it can last for days.

Each time, I say that the drop is so bad that I won't play like that again until I'm with someone special and the after care can happen. Yet I find myself drawn to the pain, and eventually I find my way back into it, and another drop.

(I found your blog in the strangest way -- I was looking at people who had visited my blog, and someone had found it by doing a google search for 'I like pain.' I clicked into the search and checked out some of the other blogs that came up. Yours was one of them.)

anna said...

The drop is totally normal and I don't think you have anything to worry about concerning your Sir being upset with you. He is/was likely just confused about where your emotions were coming from and what he might have done or not done to contribute to them. I imagine it to be frustrating for him to not be able to identify what's going on with you, and therefore not knowing how to handle you in that moment.

Maybe the best thing would be for you to learn to identify sub drop in the moment, so that you and express it to your Sir and he can then give you the tools you need to cope with it.

Like lucy, tasks have also worked for me. They seem to be a gentle way of remaining connected to the bdsm lifestyle while not really interfering with the more vanilla responsibilities.

Reflections and Ruminations said...

Dear sugarplum,

I am certain that the 'drop' you are experiencing is contributing to your feeling that Sir is upset. Isn't that possible?

I get drop from all kinds of intense experiences. For instance, when I returned home from Montreal...

I got one when I decided to put the communication with my crushDom in Washington on hold.

Your about to start back to work. Your summer playtime is about over. And you really had an intense weekend with lots of other people, experiences and feelings. You're just in the well. Of course, there is no just.

It's never that simple. It feels horrible. But you know what? It won't last. It will change. You will come back up and everything will be ok.

Just remember to breathe. In. And out. And it'll be all right.

Very soon.

love you much!

Calvin said...

After a extreme high, normal can seem depressingly a low. Make some time you you and Sir. Sounds like he's have as much trouble dealing as you. As much as you have problems expressing yourself, he needs the feedback.

From his journal, your not wearing your chain seems to concern him...something as simple has having him put it back on might make you both feel better

Anonymous said...

Hi ..:)

I wrote an entry on sub drop last year. I set you up a password and user name if you want to email me I can give it to you and you can read the entry. (or the whole journal for that matter!) starla@tampabay.rr.com

be good

Master Rs pet said...

i have it often and like you, i was completely clueless to what was happening. Master and i would play and i would be happy and then suddenly i would crash. i would cry and i would be VERY moody. i would spend the rest of the day withdrawn.

Then one morning, after Master had left, i was on MSN talking to keth. i think you know her, anyway, she asked what was wrong and i began to explain what i as feeling. She explained to me about sub drop. Something to do with the drop in endorphins. The rise sends us up and the fall sends us down. She suggested chocolate.

Now Master makes sure that i have something chocolate after we play and i haven't had a serious episode since. Btw, it does not take a lot of chocolate and probably anything sweet would do, just in case that is an issue for you.

The amount of aftercare does play a part and i am sure the fact that you were exposed to the "atmosphere" for a long period of time didn't help. Master has always been great at aftercare and now He will check with me about an hour later, just to be sure i am ok.

i am by no means a expert and what works for me may not work for anyone else but trying it once won't hurt. LOL


ke`chara{BP} said...

*grins at pet* heh, and you have to admit.. chocolate isn't such a bad thing to "try" to sort out subdrop. LOL. but yes, it can help.

glad it still helps you, pet - and i hope you manage to sort it out, littleone, its not a pleasant thing to go through even if the weeked was - sounds like a great weekend actually!



littleone said...

i want to thank all of you for your wonderful words of support.. advice and just contributions.. sub drop is not easily identified by me anyway.. as it hasn't happened in such a long time.. and if you have been there.. in the depths of one.. you know how difficult it is to put two words together to make any sense.. and for me at least.. i don't readily identify what is happening to me... shrug..

as for chocolate pet.. LOL.. i don't like it.. but warm bubble baths and snuggles work best for me.. a time to heal the body and the spirit so to speak.. once i had done that on Monday .. i was on the road to being myself again.. feisty.. bratty.. and very opinionated.. (cheeky grin)

morningstar (owned by Warren)

MsTastys_boi said...

oh, thank Goddess!

so, i am not completely crazy?

When Mistress first suggested that i was going through "subbie-drop ", i had never heard of it. And at my age, i have heard of a lot! But after this second episode (following O/our weekend visit to Ms Angel's, a lifestyle friend of Hers) i became uncontrollably insecure and downright pissy (see my yahoo 360 blog).

With your permission, i would like to post a link to this throughout the internet! Maybe i can even convince MsAngel to post a forum on Her website, to facilitate ongoing discussion & support for submissives going through this.

But thank you so-o-o much for speaking openly of your experiences. When i Googled the term i only got three links back. So i'm wondering how many are unaware of this phenomenon!

- Ms Tasty's boi

Mistress160 said...

I hope you don't mind but I've linked to this page, and used some quotes in the BDSM for Beginners aftercare for submissives post on my blog - here.

Like you I believe its important to make information on subjects like subdrop (and also top drop / top guilt) and aftercare available online, especially for newbies. If you've had any more thoughts or experiences since writing this post, I'd love to hear them.

With many thanks and all best wishes,
Ms160s Abode

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