A dear friend lost her older brother on Friday night. My heart breaks for her and her family. I want to hold her and take some of the pain away. I know I can't. I will do what I can. I will go and sit with her - there is nothing else anyone can do.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Comfort
A dear friend lost her older brother on Friday night. My heart breaks for her and her family. I want to hold her and take some of the pain away. I know I can't. I will do what I can. I will go and sit with her - there is nothing else anyone can do.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
B. S.
ooops that should have read D/s not BS (as in Bullshit)
It's difficult to look on D/s now and not see it more as bullshit. However I kinda challenged myself to draw a picture / or maybe plans on what a healthy D/s relationship should look like......... because I know - KNOW - some folks have a healthy D/s relationship and it works -- for them -- for years............ though I must admit I would love to see a 24/7 D/s relationship that works for ...... forever!! Can't think of - or find too many of them.... but if you are reading this and have had a D/s relationship that works well and has been in existence for years (like more than 15 years) do step up and tell me.....
See I keep wondering what went wrong with our D/s (I have to say "our" cause you just can't have a D/s without the D -- or the s part of the equation).
I wanted D/s - wanted it bad!! Said I could handle it !! It was just what I wanted. It made perfect sense to me - one person in charge one person following - no chance of bickering right ???!!! Things would run smoothly right???
D/s seems to come with rules. The rules can be short and sweet or long and tedious. BUT I believe if rule #1 really is "The Dom is always right" you got a problem - a big problem. Cause no one person is ever always right. AND I believe when wrong the Dom - as much as the sub - should apologise. Not cloak themselves in the Dom title and pretend it didn't happen.
BUT this entry was not supposed to be about the ills of D/s - but what I imagine a good strong D/s relationship should look like / sound like/ be like.
I believe this D/s relationship should be more a symbiotic relationship - each depending on the other -- encouraging the other -- challenging the other -- growing and expanding together.
I believe that there should be separateness in their togetherness - a time for both to explore and learn and grow. I believe there should be a sharing of those times. I believe that the Dom should be strong enough to listen to their submissive and hear -- really HEAR -- what she has to offer.
I believe the submissive should trust and value and respect and maybe even love her Dominant. She should not come to fear him because of the rules - or the inconsistencies. I believe under the right conditions a submissive would walk through fire to please her Dominant - and know he would do the same for her.
I believe there should be "free times" when the submissive can speak her mind without fear of punishments or reprisals. I believe the Dominant should be consistent and honest and loving and trustworthy.
I believe that more than rules - they should have a code for both to live by. A code that stipulates Honesty above all else -- Trust -- Respect.
So that should the day come when -- for whatever reason -- the relationship ends -- neither one is left feeling less worthy -- less trusted. Where each feels they have grown and learned and come away a better person.
D/s should be this ^^^^^^
It's difficult to look on D/s now and not see it more as bullshit. However I kinda challenged myself to draw a picture / or maybe plans on what a healthy D/s relationship should look like......... because I know - KNOW - some folks have a healthy D/s relationship and it works -- for them -- for years............ though I must admit I would love to see a 24/7 D/s relationship that works for ...... forever!! Can't think of - or find too many of them.... but if you are reading this and have had a D/s relationship that works well and has been in existence for years (like more than 15 years) do step up and tell me.....
See I keep wondering what went wrong with our D/s (I have to say "our" cause you just can't have a D/s without the D -- or the s part of the equation).
I wanted D/s - wanted it bad!! Said I could handle it !! It was just what I wanted. It made perfect sense to me - one person in charge one person following - no chance of bickering right ???!!! Things would run smoothly right???
D/s seems to come with rules. The rules can be short and sweet or long and tedious. BUT I believe if rule #1 really is "The Dom is always right" you got a problem - a big problem. Cause no one person is ever always right. AND I believe when wrong the Dom - as much as the sub - should apologise. Not cloak themselves in the Dom title and pretend it didn't happen.
BUT this entry was not supposed to be about the ills of D/s - but what I imagine a good strong D/s relationship should look like / sound like/ be like.
I believe this D/s relationship should be more a symbiotic relationship - each depending on the other -- encouraging the other -- challenging the other -- growing and expanding together.
I believe that there should be separateness in their togetherness - a time for both to explore and learn and grow. I believe there should be a sharing of those times. I believe that the Dom should be strong enough to listen to their submissive and hear -- really HEAR -- what she has to offer.
I believe the submissive should trust and value and respect and maybe even love her Dominant. She should not come to fear him because of the rules - or the inconsistencies. I believe under the right conditions a submissive would walk through fire to please her Dominant - and know he would do the same for her.
I believe there should be "free times" when the submissive can speak her mind without fear of punishments or reprisals. I believe the Dominant should be consistent and honest and loving and trustworthy.
I believe that more than rules - they should have a code for both to live by. A code that stipulates Honesty above all else -- Trust -- Respect.
So that should the day come when -- for whatever reason -- the relationship ends -- neither one is left feeling less worthy -- less trusted. Where each feels they have grown and learned and come away a better person.
D/s should be this ^^^^^^
Monday, September 28, 2015
Busy Weekend
I was busy this weekend - which involved a lot of driving. Friday night went to visit some friends and spent the night so I didn't have to drive at night - but did put almost 3 hours of driving in back and forth.
Saturday a dear friend needed me and I was there ...... there are times in your life when you are needed and you just go - cause that's where you need to be........
Sunday I was back in the car driving to Montreal for middle grandson's birthday. Another long drive - there and back 5 hours. (and we all know how much I love -- NOT -- long drives)
Driving home last night I realized just how alone it feels to be driving alone in the dark... it's almost scary.......... In all the weeks/months that have passed since my life started to unravel .. I have to admit last night was almost a little too much alone-ness for me to handle.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Friday, September 25, 2015
Ambivalent
I have been musing - a little by myself and a little with mini me about BDSM and me -- or her depending on who's doing the musing -- and I realized I am basically ambivalent for the most part.
Then last night I was out at this educational event - surrounded by toys - mountains of toys - all sorts of toys. I sorta/kinda took my "bdsm pulse" and got a low reading....
Then I heard two words - just two - "tomorrow night" and that pulse I had been checking went up a notch or two.
Maybe I am not as ambivalent as I thought...............
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