Is It Nature or Nurture?

 

I probably should have written this yesterday when I knew what I wanted to say - today......not so much (le sigh)

I think I am struggling with the whole idea of being submissive.  Is it a character trait - or is it a learned thing?  could you learn to be a submissive?  See I'm wondering if I was ever submissive.  OH I like to please... I like to make my lover happy...and will do everything in my power to make them happy....... BUT submissive? I'm not sure.  I like to think I'm an intelligent woman.  I like to think I am a strong woman.  It takes a lot to be a submissive if you are a thinking person.  I mean - come on... some of the rules I have seen submissives living with just didn't make sense to me..... like for example..every night this submissive I knew came home from work - he had to strip at the door and then do 15 jumping jacks.  I asked why? The answer - cause it made his Mistress happy.  REALLY?? What the hell is the point to that?  (the jumping jacks I mean - not the making her happy) I had a slew of stupid rules like that too... I followed them cause to not follow them would have challenged my dominant - and put my relationship at risk.  and a good submissive didn't challenge her dominant.  (another stupid rule if you ask me)

IF there are going to be rules then the rules had better be intelligent rules.. make some sense.  I used to feel like I was 'dumbing' down in order to be a 'good' submissive.  And that just annoyed me. I remember the rule of always having to call my dominant "Sir" I asked why - and was told because it showed respect.  I pointed out that there were many ways to show respect without using an honorific... to prove my point I would say "YES SIR" and mumble 'no sir - 3 bags full Sir' ....... not very respectful was it?

When I left that last D/s relationship - I promised myself I would never ever give over complete control ever again........ I realized I needed a relationship that was intelligent - that challenged me as an intelligent being....... not as a cowering simpering being giving blind obedience. 

 

So tell me - what does submissive mean to you? What does it look like??? What is it you are all working towards ???? 

AND finally 

WHY?

Just (another) Little Tease

 

 Guess what?  I have another appointment this morning.......... but like last week I have a blog rolling around in my head.......... 

I'm gonna ask some tough questions - well I think they may be tough......... 

I want you to think what makes you feel submissive?

We'll talk.....................

16 Candles

 

 

My first post here on The Journey was written on April 28, 2005.  Yup 16 years of writing.... mind you I think I will save the BIG celebration for the 20 year mark...

Nevertheless 16 years is a pretty good track record.  Would you believe I have written 4,566 posts - that's 4,566 posts over 5,840 days.....which also means there were only 1,275 days that I did not post.... which breaks down to about 80 days a year.  In 2011 I missed a lot of blogs cause I was sick....... really sick... like days and days in hospital sick.  In 2015 I wrote about the break up - about the friends who rallied around me and got me out of 'his' house ... in their words 'to safety'..... I wrote about the mental anguish - the therapy... the slow - very slow healing.  In 2017 I moved here to Sir Steve's town - which just happens to be close to both daughters!! and my new life began....... 

I have been asked WHY I write a blog... why I write nearly every day....... the answer is simple - it is my history.. my story. It is my record of the good the bad and the ugly... it is a record of my growth.. my journey. (and it's a good check for special dates - like our anniversary LOL)

Not To Brag.........

BUT.............

 

I had the best weekend - and feel so very spoiled! 

It started Friday......... the lil one had been busy working on a top secret project during school Friday morning.... top secret - I mean we all knew what she was doing.. BUT what I didn't know was what happened next... before she left for her mother's she came to me and said ' I have an early Mother's day surprise for you' ...... and presented me with this card she made..............

 front of the card............

opening the card............

fully opened............. 

Part of me wanted to insist she give it to her Mom - but I didn't .. I accepted it gracefully and with a tear ..... cause - "MOM" ya know?!  

OK so then on Sunday morning bright and early Sir Steve and I were outside having our coffee when a car stopped and a woman got out carrying a floral arrangement.... I was so thrilled!!  it came from youngest daughter and her family.....

 

Then later in the afternoon there was a knock at the door and eldest daughter and SIL were standing there with presents for 'mom'.  They had been at the campsite opening their trailer and dropped by here to give me ..................an orchid .... a gorgeous homemade sign for the trailer

AND H. U. G. S. !!!

Sir Steve did his bit too to make the weekend special/fun.... we went for a drive in the country to shop at a Scottish bakery where we bought steak and kidney pies/REAL sausage rolls/and Scottish meat pies....... picked up lunch from our favourite food truck on the way home... and .......... AND.......... play time last night!

Life is good when the family makes you feel appreciated .. and special !

Mother's Day