For some people BDSM is something they can't wrap their heads around. It is an illegal act. It is a community who live mostly in the shadows. It certainly is nowhere near as bad as it was a few decades ago.. where you had to know someone who knew someone who knew someone else. It was about secret codes and hidden clubs. Today it is more open.. mostly i think thanks to the internet. (though a lot of what one reads on here is what i like to call smoke and mirrors and you most definitely can NOT believe all you read - even if they promise to be real live people who really do - honest true - live the lifestyle!!) BUT real life BDSM is about negotiations and honesty and trust and contracts and being safe .. sane and consensual. ( oh i have done a whole spiel about safe sane and consensual - and how 'safe' can a lot of what we do actually be... and how sane can it look to another.. and how consensual can it be if we turn over control ... so i won't do all that again.. for the purpose of today's "lecture" it will be safe sane and consensual)
The consensual aspect involves more than just the two parties ....... in my opinion. It also involves the vanilla world. i don't believe we should flaunt our lifestyle in the faces of those who don't live it.. don't understand it.. and don't want to. For example - i would not kneel at Sir's feet in public. Sir would not have me strip in the grocery store (ohhh i think there are times He might like the idea - but He wouldn't) .. because it simply wouldn't be consensual for the other folk in the shop. Munches (dinner get togethers where the local community comes together at a restaurant for a meal and good conversation) are a great example of how we must be take into consideration the vanilla folk......... the families that are also frequenting the restaurant. We must blend in.. behave.. and remember our 'party manners'.
i read a blog today that discussed zoophilia. It made me cringe.. it made me want to throw something... and i am a big defender of the "your kink my kink" belief system. BUT how can it be consensual if one of the parties is an animal??? How can an animal give their consent??? ugh.. it just downright bugs me.. the whole idea.
i am not entirely sure .. now that i have come this far.. where exactly i was going with this... except maybe that it makes me angry that some one's kink is not safe sane or consensual (ok ok by my standards!) and people are posting about it on the net... and other people are reading it and lumping us BDSMers altogether ........ and that rattles me.
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day 4 and 20 minutes of non pretzel yoga - and i am feeling sooooooooo good about myself ! which is a major plus!
Good post. Would like to see more in a similar vein.
ReplyDeletevery good post..and thank you for your comments. you may indeed write a blogpost about any one of them....feel free. and yes it did help. thank you
ReplyDeletehugs
Ahhh... OK. Have known some who deliberately engage in what they refer to as "vanilla violation" -- public kink behavior intended to shock and offend the sensibilities and norms of the "non-consneting" vanillas in the vicinity. I find such folks to be rude, arrogant, abusive, immature, and (maybe even) bordering on the sociopathic side of things.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, as much as I am offended and outraged at the reactionary conservative end of the social/political spectrum that oppresses me and "us," I cannot condone the BDSM community, or any other alternative lifestyle types who want to behave oppressively in the opposite direction.
swan
I agree that whatever your thoughts or lifestyle choice, that it should be kept to oneself unless invited. This applies to more than just BDSM. It is a simple matter of respect. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on SSC vs RACK.
ReplyDeletevanilla blogger here, still not running for cover. you go girl. I am a student of your lifestyle, not a judge. you write so eloqently on the subject matter. please, carry on...
ReplyDeleteI often wonder why we read so often about that SSC... for me it doesn't really exist... or it is sitting on a very tiny edge...
ReplyDeleteSafe? Not more than as much as possible... accidents happen... I had a rib broken once... by accident... so much for the safety...
Sane?? What is sane? This is word belonging only to a culture... falling in transe at a vodoo mass isn't really sane for many... but it is for those who are culturally living it...
Consensual... I consent to take the way you will choose for me... believing that you will decide for my best interests... but, pushing limits can be tricky... I consent to go there... but one more step and my consent is over... but how pushing limits without violeting the consent?
Very interesting topic, morningstar... and so much could be writen about that, from a side or another... For my part, I prefere the RACK appellation... It seem to me closer to our reality... ;-)