Thursday, March 13, 2014
I don't know what to say - it's very rare that words don't come. I have been working all week - substituting at a local daycare with 5 year olds. It should bring me some sort of joy - some sort of break from thinking about my belly - but it hasn't. I have been exhausted to the point of tears. They cut my 7 hours back to 5 which allows me to come home at 2 and curl up in the family room - in my little corner of the sofa - with a blanket tucked tight around me - that's where I feel safe - that's where I can hide.
Stupid isn't it ?? To think I can hide from these masses that I carry around inside me. But I do want to hide.
My hands shake - my heart pounds and I feel physically sick to my stomach. and that I know is just fear - just nerves.
Google is my worst enemy and yet I can't stop researching - even now - even when I have read every thing there is to read about these masses. and I don't read anything good.............
And so another day begins.