Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Changes






In my usual fashion - I have had this thought simmering on the back burner. ..... not really coming to a full boil....... but nevertheless simmering............. 

I am not sure even now I can put into words what I am feeling/thinking........... But let's give it a try ............ 

I'm an old bird......... I've been on the net since it's conception........ (hell I used to work in dos before windows or the net as we know it today appeared on the scene) I have seen / read it all........ or all that I want to........ 

And I have noticed something....... not very big... just a small blip on the  BDSM internet scene....... depending on who / what you read you might not even notice it .......it's that small a blip......... 

But when I started reading blogs - all the blogs I read were of Doms / subs / Master / slaves that lived 24/7 - there was talk of safe sane and consensual - there was talk of TPE (total power exchange) there was talk of regular beatings.......of serving on hands on knees... of bowing before the "ONE"..........

And I wanted that ...... I wanted it so bad I could taste it !!

 And I had it........ for a while - 24/7 .. almost TPE....... but it turned out not to be like what I had read - it wasn't exciting all the time.. it wasn't even logical all the time... hell there were times it wasn't even possible.  


I am starting to think I became a little bit disillusioned......... I do know the excitement didn't last all that long...... I do know I became impatient - and not very graceful - or kind for that matter.... I was bored.  pure and simple ....... B O R E D


And know what ?? I think W got bored too....... 


Life is so much more than one facet of living........... and anyone who thinks it isn't - is living in a dream world.  


Life is about change........... and keeping up with the changes - and accepting the changes.... Life most definitely is NOT static.

I think living in a D/s relationship - in a total TPE relationship - is a fantasy.  One folks try out for a while - the length of time varies - from a few weeks to a few years - but in my opinion something changes - something always changes - and then I read the struggles of those folks trying to figure out what the hell went wrong.  I read a lot of blame on all sides....... I also read blogs where the lifestyle (per say) just seems to dwindle down to much less than 24/7 and a whole lot more of weekend play ........... 

It got me thinking of every day normal relationships where the honeymoon period involves a whole lot of lovey dovey behaviours ......... sex in every room .. at every opportune moment........ and then the newness wears off.. and the every day mundane  routines settle in... some relationships don't survive the end of the "honeymoon" period.. some change and settle down in to the mundane everyday routines ...... 


It would seem to me - that changing is happening all over the place - in all of the blogs of TPE and Master / slave - and I realize W and I are not alone in this changing process.... 


It doesn't make me feel any better........ this change...... I don't DO change well..... but it seems to be inevitable.  


And perhaps the real test is not how good a submissive or Dom one is.. but how well we adapt to the changes and bring our choice of lifestyle with us through the changes.  How well we mold and change our lifestyle to fit into the reality of LIFE.  


And maybe that is why The Journey has gone from daily discussions of the Joy of BDSM and serving and pain and whips and floggers and ropes - OH MY .......... to everyday living.......... with work and kiddies and struggles and the occasional - sometimes rare - sessions with those whips and floggers and serving and all the other trappings of a BDSM lifestyle.


Life is about Change - and it tests the strength of the relationship - of the love - of the commitment to each other.  


Maybe?

4 comments:

abby said...

Not maybe, in my book definately! Master is better at this than I am , but I am learning...real life often intrudes on fantasy play or fun. We just have to work to fit everything in. Always ideal no.....but life is like that. Great post! abby

Anonymous said...

Oh my, you make so much sense. All the bloggers out there who are having and struggling through their lifestyle fit should read this. My husband and I have gone through many changes over the years. I was totally submissive when we married and he made all the decisions. This was not realistic or working at all. It became a burden for both of us. Slowly over time the balance changed and evolved. Now that we are at the um... senior citizen stage of life its more 50-50. It suits us and gives us time to play when the need arises. Relationships that remain static with all those crazy rules and demands, to my way of thinking die a slow death. No matter how 'kinky' something is, it too can become mundane and routine. Analogy: Chocolate is oh so delicious and I love it but I can't live on just IT. Change keeps life evolving and interesting... You're last statement sums everything up beautifully. Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful blog today.
Joyce

BlazngScarlet said...

The last sentence nailed it perfectly; no matter what type of relationship you're in!

sarah thorne said...

It's NOT logical or possible. While you can live the dynamic 24/7, you can't live the 24/7 on your knees version because you must also live LIFE itself. Especially when one has a family and career.

I found when we had our Zed and ginger blog that people thought the posts we made were representative of 100% of our time and life. It wasn't. Those posts were snippets of about 5% of our everyday life. But there seems to be a consensus that since that is all a reader glimpses, then that must be all there is.

sarah