Friday, October 17, 2008

words

i have for a long time been struggling with reactions to words...... knee jerk reactions... and yeah i know knee jerk reactions are never a good thing.

i haven't written directly about this topic before.. because for the most part i thought it was just me.. and how i react to things Sir says to me...... But ya know - one of the nicest things about this blog world is.. eventually .. god willing.. you will stumble across someone else discussing the exact same thing that is bothering you.. and suddenly you don't feel so all alone..........

Yesterday swan was sharing a story about grilling shark steaks for dinner.. well truthfully her Master was doing the grilling.......... and it came down to one line.. He said
"If you didn't want to do it, why did you do it?"

and i went "oh yeah baby....... that's the line.. the words.. the attitude" Sir does that to me.. asks why i did something if i didn't want to..or He will say (even worse) don't do it if you don't want to........... and in a blink of an eye.. i am propelled out of sub/slave mode and into vanilla wife mode... and it makes me angry.. makes me want to stamp my foot.

WHY do They think we do it?? geeeeeeeez.. we do it because They asked us to!!! and because we are subs/slaves.. and it is our job to do it !!!!

Let me ask you something.. how different are those questions from giving us a safe word?? huh?? how different??? We don't like something.. we don't want to do something and we have the right to say "no thank you Sir.. thank you very much i am not in the mood tonite??!!"

Safe words .. that is what that is.... forget the excuses.. yes excuses!!! that They are just keeping our feelings in mind.. taking care of us.. worrying about us....... geez louise..... They are giving us safe words !!!

And know what makes me cross about that........ Sir (i can't speak for swan's Master) is always saying i don't have a safe word.. i am always saying i don't have a safe word (and don't want one either thank you very much!!!) But every so often i am asked if i feel like doing something !!!!!!! arrrrrghhhhh it just makes my blood boil.

i did not sign on for a 50/50 relationship........ hell i tried that one with the ex and it didn't work !!! i signed on for You ask/tell/order and i follow. THAT's what i signed on for !! The pleasantries of a vanilla relationship don't work in a BDSM one.. sorry they just don't. It confuses the hell out of me.. makes my jaw drop.. makes me wonder when i got to be in charge for a day............

And worse than that.......... much worse than that................

it makes me wonder if Sir is bored with me as His slave........... and just wants me as a companion..........

That scares me more than anything.................




3 comments:

Buffalo said...

How do you feel about, " Either don't do it or quit bitchin'."

CLoud said...

I will explore this subject on my blog soon from the other side . In a situation of top and bottom I can understand this but in a 24 /7 or Master slave I have a hard time with it. It confuses the slave when roles are lessen in the lifestyle causes revolt and confusion. I understand if the Master wishes to ask for health reasons but even that the Master at that point in th relations should know already what should be done.

Raheretic said...

In our case from my perspective, I didn't ordder swan to put the shark leftovers back on ther grill for a few more minutes. I did say I thought it would be good if we did that and that I didn't feel like doing it. swan very submissively, despite feeling "bent" about some unknown upset, went back out put the fish a the grill for a few minutes, and then came back in behaving like she was pouting and angry. I chose not to address her attitude. I knew she was feeling upset and stressed about her Mother's impending visit. I just wasn't wrapped up in further cooking these fish leftovers and was sincerely questioning, "If further grilling the fish was going to upset you, wht did you do it?"

Sheesh, so much for trying to be the sensitive Master. Fortunately, it is not her response that is the paramount concern.

All the best,

Tom

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.