Wednesday, October 01, 2008

clearing my head...

At least that is what i think i am trying to do.... clear my head.. sort things out..

It all started way back when .. when i was bitching about how much vanilla was treading on my wants/needs and desires... And way back then.. i got slapped down a bit.. (and yeah rightly so.. i heard what i was being told ) BUT .......... and this is where i am clearing my head...

kaya said all of what i am going to say very well in her blog... To achieve your goal she got me thinking...

i am most definitely a "warrior slave" sort...... i am capable.. self sufficient.. independent.. confident... BUT that does not mean i don't want a TPE.. that i can't be a damn good slave. What does the dominant get to control.. well ME of course.. geeez louise what a stupid question. In my mind how much fun is it to control someone who is weak and pitiful and extremely needy??? Isn't there some challenge to be found in the conquering the mighty??

BUT the big difference .. at least in my mind is ....... that once a warrior slave has been "captured" (to carry on with the analogy) then they must be reminded of their captivity. They must feel their chains.. their bonds .. otherwise they become .... a SAM?? (smart assed masochist ) .......maybe it is more they become restless and impatient..... and a bit angry at the world..........

Yesterday i talked about the lil rituals i do every single day.. protocols i follow because Sir set them down.. in stone. BUT don't submissives - even well trained.. follow the rules all the time submissives... need some validation that what they are doing they are doing for a reason??

Remember the dialogue that went on .. way back at the beginning of the D/s relationship.. the constant reminders.. the constant under the thumb sort of behaviour.......what happens to that when the submissive becomes so well trained?? There are times that i feel like the perfect 'wife' .. i cook .. i clean.. i iron .. i take care of my "man".......... BUT where is the D/s?? am i a good wife or a good slave?? i am now wondering if it is the vanilla world creeping into my life.. or has my life turned vanilla??

Maybe we warrior slaves need as much work in some ways as the fallen sparrow slaves.. maybe we need to know that we are still very much the slave in this relationship........

As kaya put it........

I don’t need to be chained in because I might wander off in the night.
What I need is that physical evidence.

I don’t need to wear a collar because my neck gets cold.
What I need is the visual reminder.

I don’t need to be told what to do because I’m brainless.
What I need is verbal reaffirmation.



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And because today is the 1st. there is a new story posted on The Fictional Journey.....

And because i didn't do a story last month.. i made sure this one is a bit longer than the norm..

i hope you enjoy


2 comments:

CLoud said...

Finally you realize that you are not really a submissive. You wish to be taken or captured only they can be slaves . There must always be control exerted in some way over you and when there is not you escape into that evil mind of yours .

I fully understand your blog and kaya statements

Buffalo said...

Sometimes a person gets bogged down in all the thinking.