Miserable Time

The most miserable time of my life was when I was in high school and bullied.  OH almost everyone has a story about being bullied -- I know!  I learned to withdraw and avoid and lock myself up safe behind high walls to avoid the pain they caused.  Then I left school and have managed to avoid bullies since.

Well that is until now.

Sir Steve's ex wife and ex inlaws are bullies....... sneaky back biting gossipy bullies.
They have called me a slut .. a home wrecker and crazy girlfriend.  I have ignored them.... 

They play games -- like this past weekend.  The summer arrangement is one week on one week off.  The exchange day is Sunday.  We had the lil one all last week -- she should have gone to her mom on Sunday.  We heard through the grapevine that mom wasn't coming back to the trailer till Tuesday ...... long story short the exchange was changed twice and we weren't informed of any of the changes.  They are trying to break us -- trying to get a rise out of us.  We are taking the high road and refusing to take their bait.  (I am documenting everything for the court hearing in Sept)

BUT it broke my heart when I heard on Sunday at the pool that the other cousin (an 11 year old who stays with the grandmother for the summer) has been told she is not allowed near me -- near us.   

I had noticed that she hasn't been coming to arts and crafts anymore and the one day she did show up -- she veered away from where I was sitting - ran into the building grabbed a forgotten project and beat it out of there like the devil himself was after her.

Last night Sir Steve and I went for our nightly walk.  As we came out of the trees on a curve in the road this cousin was walking towards us.  It made me literally sick to my stomach as she looked at us with these big terrified eyes and darted behind a tree to avoid us.  I wouldn't / couldn't let it go!!  I walked over to her and asked (with a big smile on my face) if she had been fishing.  She came out smiling and said her friend had fallen in the lake.... and then she wandered off.  

BUT the darting behind a tree made me ill.

And then we heard she has been told she is not allowed to go to any campsite if we are visiting there...... WTF???!!!  It might explain too why the lil one doesn't come to visit us during 'mom's week' .... at least not without our encouraging her to... Are we such ogres??? Have they stooped so low that they are now using children to get to us?? to hurt us???

It is the one black cloud on an otherwise perfect summer...

I have cancelled virtually all our 'adult' invitations for the summer as we never know when we will have the lil one and when we won't.  It's just easier ya know -- to cancel and tell Sir Steve I just didn't want to go..... cause he gets stressed trying to please me and dear lord he has more than enough stress on his plate without me adding to it! 

I don't know what will happen in September when they all go to court again to finalize the child custody issue.  As far as we know the mother has done nothing to lift the "supervised visits only" and yet she and her parents believe they will get full custody.  Sir Steve wants full custody and full guardianship.  And it would probably be best for the lil one.......... but the selfish side of me wonders what happens to our adult time if he gets full custody??? 

Life can be so complicated at times..... especially when you are dealing with power hungry bullies........

 

Busy Bee

What a week I am having!

Sir Steve is working long long hours (like 11 hours a day) and the lil one and I are left to amuse ourselves.  The only good thing is the weather has been more or less cooperating... more sunshine than rain and a wee bit warmer.

On top of that - next weekend (the 5th) is Sir Steve's 50th birthday and I have been planning a dinner party for approximately 15 people (plus kids for dessert) here at the trailer.  No stress there!!  between fussing over the weather (god help me if it rains) to preparing all the food - to finding tables to borrow to seat everyone (Sir Steve says they can stand -- sheeesh!  for steak and sausages and salads??!!) - to begging for fridge space in friends' fridges up here for all the food - to major stress over his parents coming (his mother is a total perfectionist) 

On yeah and I am trying to prepare a very special birthday present for Sir Steve -- and it involves my finding time alone - yeah good luck with that one!!

And just to make life interesting I haven't been sleeping........(I think I need a good f**k to knock me out - but then Sir Steve's so pooped when he gets home it's all he can do to eat dinner and put the lil one to bed) 

Sometimes life can get too busy and too stressful -- but it helps me appreciate the quiet times when they come........ (small smile)

Summer... really?

We awoke this morning to torrential rain and strong winds.  The weather man said "more of the same tomorrow"

So we piled into our cars and came back to the city. 

I spent the day doing laundry and baking chocolate chip cookies and banana bread.  We seem to have a 'cookie monster" (better known as Sir Steve) and my cookies just disappear.  

The lil one had fun playing with all her toys -- it's amazing how a couple of weeks away from the house makes everything seem new again!

Sir Steve has planned some play tonite -- He has been working on the build up all day.  (grinning) He tweaks my nipples ... as I collapse downwards his voice telling me to stand straight -- no remorse -- gotta love a Sadist!!  Loving / play has been frequent this summer and ohhhhhhh so very good.  With Sir Steve I am learning balance -- it is so much healthier a relationship than anything I have experienced before.  And I AM so much healthier and so much stronger!

Life is good when there is balance.
 
 

End of the Week

The sun is setting -- it's quiet in the campgrounds -- Sunday night most have gone back to town for the start of a new week.

It was a good week (all in all) the lil one spent the week with mom and Sir Steve and I had some much needed 'us' time -- after he returned from work.  I spent my days going for walks -- or curled up in the lounger reading.  The sun is browning my body and lifting my spirits.  (it has been a rainy cold start to the summer!)

I am sitting on the bed watching Sir Steve brush the lil one's hair and braid it before bed.... I am smiling - watching the intensity on his face as he braids -- tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth.  She's chattering on and on about dinosaurs.  The dog is curled up on her bed at the foot of our bed.  The day is ending..... 

Life is good when the world quietens down and the sun sets.......... 

Best Summer

Last evening Sir Steve and I popped over to a site just down the road to visit after dinner.  We had a lovely time chatting and getting caught up on news (they've been absent from the campgrounds for a couple of weeks) I enjoyed myself!

Walking home in the dark holding Sir Steve's hand I thought 'tomorrow is going to be a beautiful hot summer day -- and best of all I have nothing to do!'  

This is turning out to be the best summer ever (despite all the drama that swirls around me).  I can spend hours sitting on our deck in the sunshine - reading when I want to read - or closing my eyes and listening to the quiet interspersed with kids laughter, chirping birds, the distant sound of cars navigating the camp grounds.

Despite what people 'see' and imagine -- I am not all that outgoing -- I actually don't enjoy being with people -- solitude is what keeps me sane.  Even as  a little girl in the summer my favourite thing to do was to curl up in my bedroom with a book.  I can remember my mom forcing me to go out and play ' to make friends' .. shrug I never felt the need for friends I was (am) my best friend.

Thankfully Sir Steve honours my need to be alone and quiet ... does all he can to foster a quiet haven for me... even when we go visiting neighbouring campers he watches me judging when I have had enough socializing..... and makes the move to end the evening.

Now it is time to curl up on the deck in the glorious sunshine and ignore the world around me ................. life is good and this is turning out to be the best summer in a long long time!