Friday, February 02, 2007

Discussions..



i have been having a number of "discussions" with myself over the last couple of days...

Ever feel like everything you touch/say/do is just a major screw up??? (big breathe) well that is how i am feeling today.......

It all started two days ago when i posted a little lecture on Freedom's Place about the BDSM symbol and the meaning of "said" symbol.... i have been a little leery about starting any BDSM discussion there and thought i had picked a rather non-scary /non-threatening topic.. WRONG!!! Turns out i ruffled more than a few feathers by using the term "vanilla". Ok.. now i really want an opinion here.. have any of YOU ever thought about the use of the word vanilla.. and how it might be insulting?? Is this some term that should be kept secret?? (psssst.. know what we call the "others"?? "vanilla" ) like it is dirty word.......

Then.. to top off my week...... i have hurt my Sir ........ again. He is upset / hurt that i took my collar off. It made perfect sense to me at the time..... obviously i was very wrong... and yeah you can all yell at me and tell me i was wrong.. tell me only the Master/Dom has the right to remove it.......... but at the time it made sense to me......

so i am feeling just a tad like a screw up today...... feeling just a tad like i should find a nice big hole .. climb in and pull the top in over me..........

are things ever gonna feel better??

11 comments:

Buffalo said...

What? You think you are going to be stuck in a recursive loop of gloom and doom throughout eternity?

(I don't know the rules. Can a guy be cheeky and not be considered gay? I don't want the double onus of being both vanilla and gay.)

littleone said...

LMAO

ok Buffalo.. ok !! You get 10 points for that answer..

and can i spread the rumour you are gay?? huh?? can i?? LOL.. i know just who to pair you off with too.. (very devilish grin)

whitesnake said...

" BUT! I like vanilla!"

Anonymous said...

vanilla.. a bad word?..roflmNSao.. some people should lighten up.

and.. things will go up.. get better, hang in there..

alluring red

drakor66 said...

Vanilla at one time like all spices was limited and highly thought of . There were laws as who could have the right to purchase it. But to me it means narrow minded individuals that show such discuss at the lifestyle. Of course they are thinking how abnormal the lifestyle is all the while condoning , boxing, football , hockey as good wholesome sports. They are a form of a bigot and you know bigots they do not like being called by that name.

Master Michael - lucy & melody said...

i personally have never thought it to be an insulting word and there was a good portion of it that i was "vanilla". maybe just one person needing a soap box for a bit.

All my best to you and Sir!!
melody

RAheretic's swan said...

OK. I'm gonna go on...

TOPIC #1: "Vanilla" is our word for folks that don't do WIITWD (what it is that we do). Our world. Our vocabulary. Define the vocabulary. Explain the usage. If THEY have some word in "their" world that sounds the same and means something different to them, then THAT is their problem, not yours. Language is a necessary tool in order for us to communicate efficiently. If, everytime we need to communicate the concept, "people who do not and will not ever contemplate having any interest in taking part in BDSM related activities, and in fact, may find such activities repulsive and/or sick, wrong, demented, perverse, etc..., but should (whatever the case) most likely be protected from having to be exposed to our proclivities in this arena," our communication is going to get ridiculously cumbersome. So, if OUR word to communicate that concept bothers people, then I'd suggest that you can (if you honor their relationship to you in some way) note their feelings about it, but not take responsibility for those feelings.

TOPIC #2: Issues related to whether you have been wearing Sir's collar duing this difficult passage. To be honest, I don't really have enough information to make the judgement about it, and wouldn't presume to do so. I can say that, from what little bit you have shared with me, I would likely have done exactly the same thing, because I would have thought that everything was ended. And I would have been heartbroken and devastated, as I know you have been. Perhaps there is a great deal more that I do not know that would have made it more clear, but that is how it seems from this distance.
I do know that you are both probably in tender places as you take steps to find your way forward. It will take time and care and gentleness -- with each other and with yourselves.
You are not a screw up. Of that I am quite sure.

Hugs, swan

martha said...

as am I. Steps...one at a time. I think of you and your Sir often my dear and miss you on my blog.

Hugs

Buffalo said...

Feel free to spread the rumor. Doubles my chance for not being lonely on a Saturday night.

SeaRabbit said...

I have no idea what list you are refering too... but into the D/s lifestyle, I always elt it was the righ word to use... I din't invent it, and not you either... we found it like that, no?
Now, about your own life... I can imagine how bad are the feelings you are going throught... and you know I do... In my opinion, we are looking for the hardest, the most complicated relationship of the world... That isn't easy all the time... and... if it was... would you be happy in it??? (Arghh!! Lokk who's talking!!!! I hate myself whe I write stuff that I can't feel at the time I should feel them...)
Courage, littleone... everything stop, somehow... You'll feel better in not long... I wish it wit all the possible strenght of my soul ;-)

Frontier Editor said...

Vanilla, neapolitan, pistachio, tutti frutti . . . . really, who cares? If it means being bland or toned down, that doesn't bother or offend me at all. I've been called far worse and not cared.

Whatever flavor you are, as long as it's between consenting adults, really doesn't bother me.

Little one - be cool.