Monday, October 09, 2006

Punishments

i know i know !!! i have already written about "punishments" before.. more than once i am sure.. but here goes again .. for posterity....... and because i have had a revelation of sorts.. which probably won't mean a damn thing to anyone else out there.. but it sure as hell was a "light bulb" moment for me!!!

Punishments are something i personally struggle with.. i divide them into two categories.. 1) the ones i honestly deserve and 2) the ones i don't honestly believe i deserve or believe are fair....
- the ones i honestly deserve are the ones that i accept gracefully - though tearfully - i feel i have failed, i am upset that i have angered Sir, i am devastated by the whole process...
- the ones i don't think i deserve for whatever good reason i have at the moment are the ones that make me stamp my feet and cry (out of anger more than pain) and basically just put me in a pouty - "i'll show HIM" kind of mood....

i have a punishment book where i am instructed to write down (when Sir and i are not together ) the infractions .. the punishments are doled out at the first chance when we are together... some weeks the punishment book goes untouched.... other times much like this week.. there are one or two entries.

Now most of my punishments are done with the "snake" - a plastic snake shaped shoe horn purchased at Ikea.......

now Mr Snake as we have come to call it.. has a nasty lil sting to it.. especially against a bare ass .......... but it is something i have come to tolerate. i count off the hits as a good subbie and when the punishment is over i hug Sir and thank Him for correcting me.

This weekend i had earned a few swats with Mr Snake.. 25 for being late with both my personal journal and Sir's juice and morning meds... and 10 for entering a room without permission. BUT there was one punishment left .. from the punishment book. i had forgotten a task Sir had given me.. the entry to my fictional blog. Sir had this evil smile when He talked about the punishment for that infraction. But because of Thanksgiving and the vanilla activities surrounding the holiday... the writing punishment was postponed until Sunday.

About mid morning Sir brought out some paper and some paints and a paint brush. He informed me that i was to write my name in paint on the paper... 'morningstar' . i knew there was more coming.. this was just too simple. Sir told me that i did have a choice.. the paint brush could be inserted in my ass or in my pussy.. i selected pussy for my own blushable reasons.... but really didn't see how difficult this was going to be. First i wrote out the name "morningstar" on the paper in pencil so i could trace the letters (anyone see any problems with this theory?? ) i laid the paper on the ground, dipped the paint brush in the paint pot, inserted paint brush, kneeled over the paper and stopped. i couldn't see the first letter. DUHHHHH!!! i was kneeling over it for heaven's sakes !!! i started and tried to make the paint brush go in some direction or other... i squatted more only to have the paint brush drop out. i tried again.. and again......... and again. My frustration levels were climbing.. Sir was laughing and snapping pictures of my struggles which only made the whole thing more humiliating and more frustrating..

It didn't take long for the tears to flow.. Sir asked what was wrong .. i said i couldn't do it!! i was failing.. Sir pointed out i wasn't failing .. i was doing what i was asked.. to paint my name on the paper.. just because it wasn' t the least bit legible and looked more like a two year olds scribbles meant nothing. i realized that this was far more of a punishment than 35 swats with Mr Snake... this was humiliating.. this was something i couldn't 'ace' .. this was making me sweat and strain and i wasn't succeeding... it wasn't fun.. what it was, was, a punishment.



Believe me when i say .. i won't soon forget a writing assignment again... and to make sure i never forget the humiliation of the punishment writing lesson.. the paper is in my office.. a constant reminder of the humiliation.... of the pain felt not in my ass.. but in my very soul.



3 comments:

CLoud said...

It is all about penmanship I used to tell amanda but she did have a pen and all.

Anonymous said...

i envy the strength you had to accomplish your task .. i hope that your spirit was put back into place.

SeaRabbit said...

Hummm... I'm speachless... ;-( but do understand your frustration...