Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Busy times

It is March break........ i am free for one whole week........ A friend asked me last evening what exciting plans i had for my week off....... and i answered "cleaning the house". Now don't get me wrong.. i love to clean the house... to have it sparkling clean and when i am working i seldom get to clean it the way i would like........... BUT a whole week of cleaning the house???

Sir is busy with His life..... and i do understand that our time together is from Friday to Sunday....... which works really well when i am working....... but when i am home... i get antsy..... i want to play.. i want to be strung up and beaten.. i want to be used and abused and have a holiday from vanilla.....

It doesn't help that when i look over the calendar for the month of March it is full of vanilla happenings .. things that will cut into our weekends together........ and yeah i am pouting.. and yeah i know i JUST posted about learning patience..... and here i am whining and complaining.........

Sir used to set tasks for me.. even when i was working.. He used to have me on cam at night doing.......... well tasks.. for lack of a better word.. humiliating things that helped keep me in the right mind set...... last night He hinted at having me clean today in the nude..... i didn't answer Him .. i wasn't bratty .. i didn't dare Him by saying something like "You can't be serious!!!" nope i just let it slide .. and so nothing came of it...

i know .. KNOW!.. it is a big job to be a Dominant.. and an even bigger job to be my Dominant! i am bratty and high maintenance.. and need a firm hand to guide me or i get "antsy" .. rebellious........ and worse yet insecure. i wonder if Sir is bored with me.. i wonder if His mind is wandering to what He "might" have..........

Sir from time to time has taken pictures of other Dominants and submissives.. so that they could post them on alt.com or bondage.com or other websites that serve as a "dating service"............ On Sunday Sir had me take protraits of Him....... in all His BDSM garb .. in the playroom .. with various toys in hand........ i asked Him why do You want these pictures?? He answered that He didn't know......... today i am left to wonder if He too is going to put up pictures on the websites... find a new subbie.. join the ranks of Dominants who have more than one submissive.. even have stables..........

The problem with having a week off and cleaning the house ....... is........ it frees my mind to wander...........


  1. Tell everyone to stop getting sick, dying or going away then I could beat your ass to the way you would like it...

    Do you think I enjoy knot being able to do what I want, when I want and HOW I want???

    Owner of an impatience morningstar

  2. morningstar, I suspect that you and I are of a "type." Too much time to think causes us to start to THINK and that can be a bad thing... I am often left to wonder how many others He is wanting and what will become of me when/if He should find all the others that I know He would love to have. Part of me knows that I need to trust and accept His promise of "always," and I do. Still the feelings of insecurity are real and not easily put to rest. It is an ongoing struggle for my own growth -- especially when I feel His focus less intently on me.


  3. swan: i do believe you are correct.. we are most likely "a type" ...... i see so much of myself in your writings....

    i hate myself when i become insecure.. worried and demanding so much of His time.. it makes me scrub harder and dust more diligently... i feel so much like i have let Him down .. yet again

    thanks for your thoughts....

    morningstar (owned by Warren)

  4. Or perhaps you are being too hard on yourself ... Maybe Sir likes the fact that you are an impatient subbie :P I see nothing wrong with wanting it all :P

    Either way you and I are FAR to much alike. I also spent my vacation cleaning and organizing. It is a strange hobby... but one I enjoy :)

  5. i have my break coming up the week after next, but i already have a task from Master to complete that will likely take the whole week. still, it's hard when you are just there going a little crazy.

    and no worries, i'm bratty, cheeky, pouty, and very high-maintenance. but They still love us. hehe.

    Master's little pet


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