Wednesday, May 09, 2018
Old -- just plain old
Last night as I climbed into bed I realized I was exhausted -- more than physically tired -- mentally and emotionally
The other day Sir Steve said 'you only have the lil one for 3 hours a day by yourself -- that's not too much'. And he's right -- in numbers it isn't too much. But in between those hours I am cleaning the house ... baking.. making meals... planning meals... doing budgets... buying the groceries....doing the laundry....and now planning for the weekends at the campsite -- what foods we need - what clothes -- what little things need to be purchased...........
Twenty years ago I did that and more -- working full time.
But twenty years ago I was 20 years younger.
And this weekend I discovered my youngest daughter is bent out of shape -- because according to her logic -- her birthday is never special. never not once. We'll just forget all those kid birthday parties I did for years and years..... or all the birthdays I drove 3 hours to attend and turned around and drove 3 hours home. We won't discuss the fact that this year she went on a cruise for her birthday only arriving home on her birthday.
Now eldest daughter is bringing up all the times she didn't feel special -- when her feelings were hurt.... and me -- the Mom -- I just keep nodding and saying I understand you are hurt.....
Anyone want to take 1 minute and remember all the times I was ignored -- left alone -- and not made to feel special??? I keep thinking -- 'suck it up buttercup -- that's life!' But it's all draining me - and making me feel like the worst mother EVER!
Sir Steve has asked more than once over the last few days what he can do to help.......
But he works long hours and is exhausted -- I am not going to add to his day.
I'm just getting old........... forget 'getting' ....... AM old.
This weekend really was the worst of times....... Saturday Sir Steve and I had plans - shopping then lunch out and a movie..........
I've been celebrating my submissiveness for over 25 years. For most of those years the image I had in my head looked pretty much ...