Monday, February 12, 2018

Hmmmmmmm




'It was the best of times -- it was the worst of times'

We had a good weekend -- going up to the campgrounds on Saturday for their Winter Fest ....... hot dogs and hot chocolate and skating.......... our poor trailer is just about buried..... but no vandalism ...... which is a good thing....... 



Sunday Sir Steve and the lil one went on a 'date' to see the movie 'Ferdinand (the bull)' ..... the lil one thought the concept was interesting 'going on a date' and asked - with a giggle - if they would kiss.

That was the outward scenario of our life -- what the world saw............

BUT 

my head was going 'hmmmmmmmm ...........



1) thinking 'family -- hmmmmmmmmm '
you can't trust two faced people -- don't trust 2 faced people -- wondering WHY when family shows their true colours they think I am too stupid to notice??!!

2) thinking 'on being an adult -- hmmmmmmmmm'
 about people who do not -- refuse? -- to take adult responsibility for their lives ........ not paying bills -- relying on social programs to support them -- pleading 'woe is me' .... taking the easy way out .......... and my thinking 'fuck !  just grow some balls and take responsibility'   Blaming everyone else for their problems.......

3) thinking 'child custody -- hmmmmmmmmmm '
why am *I* so bent out of shape about the delays -- about the lying the mother does -- about the courts and CAS not seeming to care -- or want to close this case

4) thinking 'social life -- hmmmmmmmmm'
it really is exhausting to have a social life / friends and try and keep everyone happy -- try and respect people's privacy -- life would be so much easier if the world would leave me alone -- and I could stop trying to keep all the plates spinning and balanced in the air.


 5) Thinking ' job done -- hmmmmmmmmm' 
lil one knows her address, her phone number - her father's name -- knows how to do chores -- is completely age appropriate -- my job is done now.

6) Thinking ' so very tired -- hmmmmmmmmm'
 lil one has been fed ideas again -- saying 'you guys can NOT get married' (we haven't any plans to ever marry officially) and she has been putting up walls between her and I -- pulling away from me -- normal behaviour for a child who believes someone will be leaving


Life in general makes me go 'hmmmm' -- some days I just feel I don't have the energy to 'play the games'..... to make myself fit in ..... to make myself look/feel normal

Today is just a 'hmmmmmmmmm' day

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