Masochist

Yup I did -- go bathing suit shopping.  

But first I picked out some shorts.  Originally I had thought of getting some denim overall shorts -- BUT this whole 'fat' thing made me change my mind.  I asked Sir Steve the other night what he thought about them -- overalls -- and he said "cute".  (rolling my eyes) on a good day I would probably have been ok with 'cute'..... but when I was shopping I just couldn't do the 'cute' thing -- so I bought a pair of denim shorts and a pair of khaki shorts.   Then I found a dressing gown -- something I really do need -- especially since the visit to the parents and because of the lil one. And while I was looking at pjs etc.... I found a really cute sundress that is very short so I will have to wear leggings with it -- but I still think it is suitable for the campground.

All this shopping kept bringing me back to the swimsuit section.  I would cast a glance and just kept on moving.  Eventually I had run out of stuff to try on and buy.  I had to actually stop in the swimsuit section.

The colours were disgusting - neon blue - neon pink - neon green -- neon stripes.  REALLY??? There were plain black ones -- but solid black?? HONESTLY?!  Finally I found a black one with cut outs that allowed the colour underneath to show through - one piece.  Then I found a blue one with wee tiny white dots -  one piece.  

Off to the changing room.  ugh -- strip down try them on -- peek in the mirror -- rip it off - try on the next one.   Wash rinse repeat.... through those 2 and about 4 more.  The one piece suits just didn't fit right -- either they gaped ridiculously at the crotch allowing my pussy to nearly fall out -- or they weren't long enough in the torso  and I felt like I had a wedgy.

I decided against my better judgement to try on these 2 piece jobs that  -- when on -- actually resemble a one piece.  (I am NOT showing my belly flab) More trying on -- struggling with the elasticized material..cursing at it -- getting sweaty and despairing of ever finding something that would do.  (I fought hard to shut out the voices calling me 'fat' -- too fat for a swimsuit) 

Finally I tried on a black one with big white polka dots and small black bikini bottom.  It went on fairly easily -- and fit comfortably.  I dared to look in the mirror.  It looked ok.  I turned and checked the back - it looked ok.  So I threw it in the basket with the shorts and tops .... and on the way out I even picked up a straw hat.... it comes down covering my neck and shoulders and a little bit of my face.  I figure if I get too uncomfortable in the swimsuit I'll just pull the hat down further and be incognito ..... 

At the end of the day I was pooped and discouraged -- and fighting the demons... BUT on the bright side I do have a swimsuit for the campgrounds.