Thursday, February 16, 2017
Over the many years I have been on this earth -- I have learned many lessons -- some of them I have been 'unlearning'.
One of the things I learned was everything in life is conditional. Lord the list is endless !!
*I would be pretty when ________(everything from 'when your teeth are straightened" to "if you lose weight")
*I would be loveable when __________ (everything from "when you behave like a lady" to "when you lose weight" -- that was a favourite!)
*I would be a good submissive when _______(this list is endless -- from learning to be invisible -- to remembering and following the rules -- not talking back and on and on)
And so I came to believe that I was not pretty -- not loveable and definitely not a good submissive.
I keep worrying that I am going to be too much of a handful for LLF -- too high maintenance -- that I come with too much baggage. It has nearly made me sick to my stomach......... because obviously no one in the last 18 months of being on my own has wanted to deal with my 'baggage' right?? cause they all move on -- or I move on before they can ...........
BUT the really weird thing is with LLF I haven't tried to hide my worries or my insecurities or my 'baggage'. Maybe my subconscious was 'testing' him?? I am not sure.
The other night we were chatting and he asked me "why do you love me?" it was kind of a cheeky question -- but I think it was partially an honest question. I said "who can explain why love happens -- it just happens....... there is no explanation"
And then I repeated the question to him -- I said "why do you love me -- with all my baggage -- all my insecurities"
and he answered by saying " like you weren't before"
That made me sit up and pay attention........ he did know me before -- and still he came back for me -- he pushed the reset button knowing what he did about me. He loves me as I am - - no conditions......
And that is truly a wonderful thing !!