That first message on Facebook set my stomach in knots. I answered him -- but it was days before I heard back from him.
And so it went for a month or so -- intermittent messages -- catching up -- walking on eggs.
Then in November he suggested that the next time I was going up to Montreal that I might stop in and have a coffee with him.
I sat looking at that particular message for a long time. I knew I was going to Montreal that coming weekend ..... did I really want to meet up for coffee ??? What was the point??? Finally I made a decision -- explained there was no way I could stop on the way TO Montreal -- but maybe I would try and stop on my home.... maybe.
On the Sunday morning I was up early and texted him saying I would be driving past his town in about an hour -- did he still want to meet for coffee?? He answered immediately "yes" and told me which Tim Horton's to meet him at........
I expected a 30 minute pit stop ....... but when I saw him it was like the 7 years had disappeared in that fog that had been surrounding him ....... and it was just him and me and memories. It was 2 hours later that I pulled back onto the highway.
We went back to messaging on Facebook -- it felt right.. and very scary. We talked about our plans for Christmas. He suggested he would like to come and visit me the week after New Year's. I put him off. I suggested we wait till the time was closer.
No one knows how much I struggled with a decision on his visit. We had been good close friends. We could be good close friends again. BUT the feelings from 7 years ago were awake in my heart -- so could I still be just good friends???
Finally I told myself I was over thinking things (as usual) and there was a munch we could go to on the Friday .... so I said "sure come up for a visit" - I said I would play tour guide for Kingston (as he had never visited our fair city)
Then I just went on with my life -- with my plans for New Year's. On the Sunday New Year's day -- he messaged me and we were chatting and he asked what I was doing on the Monday. He suggested he might come up and have lunch with me. I was confused...... drive all that way for lunch???
He did come -- and we had lunch..... and long talks. He texted me when he was home.... I took a deep breath and asked if he would still be coming up on Thursday. His answer -- 'yes why wouldn't I?"
WHY?? because I was confused...... I honestly couldn't understand why he wanted to be with me ...... it just wasn't possible you know?
He came up on the Thursday and we spent the afternoon seeing all the sights of Kingston -- laughing and talking and I found myself relaxing...
On the Friday we went shopping and drove down old Hwy 2 just looking at the farms and talking ..... we went to the munch ....... and when we left the munch he reached out and took my hand -- and we walked to the car holding hands like teenagers. We sat watching television when we got home and he kept his arm around my shoulders pulling me close. And I felt a lump in my throat.
And then he left ....... and the house felt empty and quiet. And my heart hurt -- and I asked myself "what the hell are you doing??!!!" and repeatedly told myself - "this is NOT a fairy tale -- this is real life!"
There was no talk of seeing each other again -- just vague mentions of "we'll do this again"
end of chapter 3