shhhhhh -- don't talk about it -- don't let anyone know... and I succeed amazingly well ...... most people don't even know I suffer from anxiety -- most of the time I joke about my "lil fears" like getting lost when I am driving.
I rarely mention my panic attacks -- and thankfully they don't happen very often anymore. I make lists and schedules -- my life is organised like a well ordered military operation -- cause that helps me deal with the anxiety. I can plan ahead ..... I can cover all the variables..... I can be prepared........ until something happens and throws a spanner in the works. Yet most of the time now I can handle those little blips in my schedule. Most of the time I can rationalize it and breath and work my way through it.
Most of the time I know when a panic attack is gonna happen -- before it happens.
Yesterday I had to go into town after the gym. I did fine until I was going to get into my car to come home ...... it's like being hit by a tsunami .......... I could barely walk the few feet to my car. I got in and locked the doors. I wanted to be home immediately -- and I couldn't be -- I had to drive. It felt like my heart was gonna jump out of my chest. I felt useless and hopeless and the tears were streaming down my face as I started the car and slowly pulled out of my parking space.
I cried all the way home ...... it's such a scary feeling.
When I finally got home I locked the doors and curled up on the sofa and sobbed. And I just kept telling myself 'tomorrow will be better -- tomorrow will be better'