For the last year or so I have read just about everything I could find on poly relationships. There have been two rather good writings on Fetlife. I read both of them. One was about doing it when you have a primary partner and the other was how to do poly when you don't have a primary partner.
Then I have been talking to a Dominate friend. And explaining "our" poly. He hinted it would be difficult to make it work.
That's what I have been reading -- how hard it is to make it work.
All the advice I have read -- all the articles I have read -- all the poly relationships I have seen have taught me one thing -- there is no secret formula for making poly work. YOU make it work -- whatever way suits you and your partners.
I know we seem to have a formula that works for us. We all talk together - we all socialize together - my hope/goal is that no one feels left out. I tend to tell CG what my needs are before I tell Hands. I think I do that for a couple of reasons -- CG gets "needs/wants" from a logical place. Hands might get them more from an emotional place -- 'she needs/wants' how do I fix this'? place. CG is more pragmatic.
AND the one thing that is making this work for me is that I am very happy being in 2nd place. I don't want full time -- or am even looking for forever (though forever this way would be nice). Maybe it's because I have come of age so to speak and am not looking for some 'fairy tale' romance.
All the suggestions you find / read / get on how to make poly work really doesn't mean a thing. What does mean something is finding good people who welcome you with open arms. Who treat you with respect. Where the relationship doesn't feel like 'work' but more like a good fit. Where you feel like you have come home.
I feel like I have come home!