Friday, April 08, 2016
I have never been a small woman - and it would seem I have always been on one diet or another. AND they never "took"
This time - for some reason I don't comprehend at all - I am not dieting per say - I am exercising and I am losing weight - now down more than 50 lbs.
There has been one small development - I don't "see" the weight loss. and therefore I tend to eat less and less. My doctor is very aware of this development (I refuse to call it a problem or see it as a problem!!) and I am trying very hard to eat a minimum of 1200 calories a day - some days it's easier than others.
I have refused to buy new clothes because (and don't yell at me Angel) I want to lose another 15 - 20 pounds........ and that is another dress size - so why spend money on clothes that aren't going to fit me????
BUT the other problem I have is when I do go out to buy something - I tend to still buy the old sizes ........... because my brain has not registered that I don't wear that size anymore!!
What a merry-go-round ride (le sigh)
A while back a friend wore a pair of Doc Martins to a party and I absolutely drooled over them - to me - for me - they were some sexy boots!! AND I wanted a pair. She challenged me to find a pair at a thrift shop - that's where she finds her boots. I never have luck finding anything at thrift shops - but the challenge stayed with me.
This week - I dropped into a couple of thrift shops - cause I really wanted my own pair of boots!! and lo and behold - sitting on the shelf was exactly what I was looking for - not Doc Martins but they called to me!! How could I not buy them???
The only thing they needed were shoe laces.......... and I knew I wanted something funky........ so I went out looking and found red - bright RED - para cord which works just fine as shoe laces!!
I wore them all afternoon........ I have to break them in !! Especially since I am gonna be going on that photo shoot on Sunday and need good walking/hiking boots. And DAMN they made me feel sexy.
AND believe it or not - they got me thinking about what other clothes I would like to get. I want to find MY style........... and that is gonna be another growth step ..... a big one.
AND then - on top of all this - I saw the above meme thingy - "Goal weight - sexy as fuck" and a penny dropped. I realized that there is no goal weight (really) to feeling sexy - it is all in my head!!
Now that may not be an EUREKA moment for you - but it sure as hell was for me!! I have never wanted to be seen as "sexy" I was the woman who hid her sexuality behind big clothes and a big body .......... it was a safe place to be ya know???
Maybe my sexy new boots are the start of a new me??? I really hope so - cause I am so tired of fighting with who I was - who I am - and who I will be.