Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Deserve


Over the last few months - folks have commented on my change of personality. 
let me describe this change :

BEFORE - 
I was afraid to speak - because I had been told I was expected to be silent
i didn't laugh - because I had little to laugh over
I seemed unfriendly - because you make friends with laughter and conversation
I was shy - because I was scared
I was scared - because I learned to be scared
I felt unlovable - because I was treated as though I was unlovable
I had no confidence - because I didn't believe in myself
I didn't believe in myself - because I had been taught I couldn't 

NOW - 
I talk because no one tells me I can't
I laugh because I am happy and have a lot to laugh over
I am friendly - because I LOVE to meet new people and laugh and talk
I am still a little shy - but coming out of my shell 
I feel lovable - because I am learning to love myself
I am gaining confidence - because I am learning to believe in myself
I am believing in myself - because friends are believing in me 

Some think the pendulum has swung way out the other side - some are waiting for it to swing back to the middle...........but I believe it is right where it should be for me!

Yesterday I sent off a message to a Dom I stumbled across on Fetlife.  I don't normally do that sort of thing... but his profile had said "send a smile" so the cheeky me sent him a smile and a conversation ensued.  Something he said made a lot of sense to me - 
 "boldness shows desire, self-respect (capacity and willingness to demonstrate desire because she/he deserves that) and a craving that overcomes fear."

I certainly have the "craving" and I am learning that I do DESERVE things....... very empowering word that ..... DESERVE.

I am learning I deserve...........


2 comments:

AngelsQuest said...

To clarify, I know I've used that pendulum word with you but I was speaking on a specific area of your life. I hope your bubbly, happy self stays. Forever.

Lilac said...

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't feel loved because you were treated unlovable . I'm also very surprised that you were taught not to believe in yourself .

In my opinion, the submissives are as strong as the dominants. The only difference is that the submissive chooses to give up her control. Therefore, first and foremost, a submissive must believe in herself.