Thursday, March 17, 2016

Masochist







Ten months ago I started this Journey to lose weight.  I really struggled - REALLY!
I joined a gym and had anxiety attacks nearly every time I went in the door.  At first I could only go a maximum 3 times a week.  Slowly I was able to up it to 4 then 5 times a week.

I tried the classes - Yoga and Aerobics - but I came to hate them both.  I don't DO groups well not at all.  And it didn't help that my personal life was falling apart and I really had no support to help me struggle through it.

So I stopped all the groups.  I would go into the gym - almost slinking in... make my way to a treadmill - get on - set the time and speed and walk.   And walk,  And walk.  Most of the time I didn't see anyone around me - didn't see anyone come or go. I just walked.  I shut everything out around me.  When my hour was up I would slink out -  barely acknowledging the folks at the front door.

Eventually the weight started to drop - and it gave me incentive to go to the gym.  I still didn't like it - and felt so much like a fish out of water - but I went 5 days a week and I walked 50,000+ steps in those 5 days each week.  

Now I am down 50 pounds and I hardly recognise my body - well ok I don't recognise it and don't much like what I do see.  Daddy Dom convinced me to start using the weight machines to tighten up/tone the muscles.

BUT machines are almost worse than the classes I took.  The treadmills and bikes and elliptical machines are lined up in rows in front of the machines - so they become an audience watching.  

I tried last week to use some of the machines - and it was awful,  Mid week I booked an appointment with a trainer.  He had 6 clients at once.  He wrote out a routine for each of us and gave us a "cooks tour" of the machines.  And that was it.

Tuesday I went to the gym with my fresh new routine tightly gripped in my hand.  I couldn't slink into the gym anymore and hide on a treadmill in the back.  Now I was front and center. 

AND I couldn't read his writing - and he didn't put machine names down that matched the names on the machines!  I was lost.  I asked and got some direction....... but I felt like I was in a fog.  I went from machine to machine trying very hard not to look left or right .. just get it done and get out.

And then I came to "reverse pull down"  I stood looking at the machine and couldn't figure out how it worked - and for some stupid reason didn't even look at the pretty pictures pasted on it.  I just sat down and started working.  Suddenly I realized I was facing the man on the machine in front of me........... and I shouldn't have been.  He smiled at me and when he finished his rep he stopped and waited.  When I finished my rep he said to me " You do know you are sitting backwards on that machine eh?" I know I blushed to the roots of my hair.  NO I didn't know.. and there is no "cool" way to get up and turn around and start over. 

Yesterday I went to the gym to the bloody machines again.  Yesterday was lower body day.  I really struggled through it.  I HATED it with every fiber of my body.  But I did it.

IF I could get through 10 months of treadmill and 50 pounds - I can and WiLL get through this too..... but I really HATE it!

A few weeks back The Sadist said to me - "A true masochist. Self inflicting pain, torture and mental anguish....all quite publicly at the gym. Keep smiling,"  His words came back to me yesterday as I faced the monsters that are the machines and the all the faces on the treadmills and I muttered a couple of 4 letter expletives I am nothing if not a true masochist!



 

5 comments:

faithful said...

You go girl! Just a note- how about searching u-tube for ways to use the machines? I do weights in my house and also use a 10 lb weighted Hula-Hoop (I swear greatest thing) along with my runs every day. As long as you are moving and trying- that is really all that matters. I am sure others in the gym feel the same way as you do too!


keth said...

go back to the gym and complain about that trainer or the system that allowed them to book you with 5 other people! I don't know about where you are, but in the UK it is a mandatory safety thing in most gyms to have a trainer walk you around and show you how to use the machines, and to set up a programme for you. Even if you're a regular gym bunny and you know how to use them all, go to a new gym and you still have to go through that appointment, until the trainer sees that you're GymBunny, and then he leaves you be. It's so easy for people to overdo it on machines and hurt themselves, leaving the gym open to being sued, that it's just good business sense as well as a health and safety thing to do this. So they've let you down badly in not doing that for you. Go and complain!!

morningstar said...

keth - I don't believe there are the same rules here - in my last gym I had a trainer - one I paid for - and he had me doing all sorts of exercises - and I complained some of them hurt - he said it's supposed to.. changed trainers and was told you shouldn't be doing those machines they will hurt you...... sigh

Change gyms and I get something equally as bad - this time for my peace of mind (for lack of a better word) and my physical health......
I did complain to the manager - and got the asst manager - an extrainer to walk me through the machines and check my abilities and the machines I was on - there were a couple he changed out...

It's frustrating to say the least........

Anonymous said...

Actually it is the same in the US. Most gyms for safety reasons are happy to show you how equipment works and how to safely use it. You should always be able to ask someone to show you how a machine works. That is different than having a personal trainer work with you. Some people like that, some don't.

Not sure about the 6 people together, as some gyms do run small group classes but that should not be considered a personalized exercise program. Good that you complained and talked to the manager.

Anonymous said...

OK I know you hate the machines but they can become your friends. Go slowly, watch other people on them. Look at the pictures. Try low weights till you get comfortable. It took me a long time to get used to them and up the weight. The people there working in the gym are PAID to help you out. I have learned to go into my head and music and tune out everyone else. There are lots of ladies and men of an "age" in all shapes and sizes. I ignore it all and just concentrate and my machine. I can now go to different gyms with different machines and find enough to get my sets done too! You can do this!