Saturday, March 26, 2016

Beware of Mind Games


I personally have never been much for mind games.  To me they come pretty damn close to humiliation play.  AND dear god in heaven if you are gonna do humiliation play you had better be an expert at putting your sub's mind back together!

BUT there's another side of playing in the mind of others........... 

I started - what I thought - was a good debate with a Sadist over on Fetlife on "brave masochists".  I have never met him - he has never met me - we don't really know each other's story - or more importantly what REALLY makes us tick.

I disagreed with him........ and he tried to turn my opinion around.  (This was weeks ago)   He frustrated the hell out of me during that debate -  dodging direct questions - being "cute" in his mind I am sure - twisting and turning - ducking and dodging,  OH and he was cute - smiling and winking - and trying to pull me in and sway my opinion.  I thought the debate ended with my " we're gonna have to agree to disagree".

Then last week he asked me to read something he wrote "Pain isn't just Pain".  and tell him my feelings on it.  (shrug) Fine I have time on my hands.  So I read it - and re-read it - made notes - then compiled my thoughts into a coherent email to him.

He seemed truly interested in what I was saying and asked more questions based on my email.  And again I went deep inside of myself and answered his questions truthfully from the heart. 

He probed more...... and I went deeper into my feelings...... and answered him truthfully - cause ya know that's who I am - on the net - in real life - I am honest and will share my feelings/thoughts honestly.

AND then he brought me to a point that I wrote my inner most dreams and desires........ and it surprised even me - truthfully !!

Then he came back with a smirk on his face (at least I pictured a smirk on his face) saying "SEE you are a brave masochist" 

I sat staring at that line and went from furious - throw the pc out the window pissed - to breaking down in tears............... 

He had no idea - none whatsoever  -- what he had just put me through..... 

I sent him a quick email back and said - "you should charge for therapy - then you could charge for aftercare - cause right now I have major hurt "

and he never answered it.

He had won - He had proved his point.

And I was left shaking and feeling emotionally weak.


Lesson learned?
Don't trust folks on line to be who YOU think they are..........and never again - no more online debates or serious discussions!!

  

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

There's one thing I didn't get from this story -- were you hurt because he was correct and revealed to you that you are a brave masochist against your will, or because he misunderstood you and just got you to reveal your innermost depths to twist your words into his definition of a brave masochist, using you against your will? Or is it something else?

morningstar said...

Anonymous

I think what bugged me the most is twofold
1) he got me to dig deep and drag up emotions I was happy to leave buried for now.......... and it caused a real emotional storm inside my head -- AND when I told him about the emotional storm - he ignored/didn't reply - a simple "I am sorry that wasn't my intention" would have gone a long way to helping me deal - AND helping me not think that he's an arrogant SOB who HAS to be right at all costs!

2) that he hid his real intent - to get me to go back over a subject/topic I had shut down ....... if he wanted to continue the debate I think it would have been nice if his request had come with "trigger warning" ya know?? Like everyone expects on FL ??!!!