Today is a good day............ in fact the good days are outnumbering the bad ones ........ and we all knew that would happen eventually..... when the open wounds started to scab over and the heart and mind turned to better options.
A weird thing about me - something a doctor remarked on many years ago - is that I don't see myself - or desire to be - thin and fit. Even when I do lose weight I tend to stay in my "big" clothes - this way no one sees the changes happening - including myself. I look in the mirror and see the clothes I have always worn - not the me hiding inside them.
A change started a couple of weeks ago - when I bought those one piece Pjs ....... and I looked (and saw myself) in the mirror - wow!! who was that woman??!!
Tentatively I have been purchasing new clothes one piece or so at a time - I don't try them on at the shops - I just make sure if they don't fit I can bring them back.......... but every single thing fits. I even found a dress and two suede skirts hiding in the back on my cupboard and tried them on - and they fit too!!
Slowly I am transforming - a bit like a butterfly climbing out of its cocoon - if that isn't too bold a statement to make. I look at myself in the mirror every day when I put on a new outfit (never used to look in the mirror) and surprise myself every single day.
Confidence is building -
Maybe - just maybe - I am building a life I deserve - not for anyone else - but just for me! It is a good feeling!