Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Cancer





We all know that breast cancer is pink -- breast cancer gets a lot of attention.  When I was first diagnosed with bladder cancer I was shocked when my doctor told me that it is one of the top 5 killers in Canada and yet you almost never hear about it.  

One of the sore points with me was an ad for "depends" and how it made a leaky bladder seem normal in older women.  I wrote them a letter - I was angry - very angry.  My only symptom was a leaky bladder and I kept thinking it was just an "old lady's bladder"........ which obviously was not the case.

Just recently I have started seeing an ad on television that shows a "Johnny on the Spot" and one by one people exiting it.  I thought it's about time someone started to talk about the signs and symptoms of bladder cancer.  

Almost 2 years ago was when I was first diagnosed with bladder cancer it felt like a death sentence.  I was operated on ...... and managed to go 18 months before it reappeared.  It was removed - again.  Tomorrow I go in for my 3 month check - I am scared and possibly have good reason.  I have a leaky bladder again.  I have noticed other symptoms........ 

I have a friend who has bladder cancer.  He has the most admirable attitude.  He said to me once - "worrying/stressing about it won't make it go away........ it won't change the diagnosis.  You just have to live each day to the fullest and only worry / think about it when it is time for the 3 month check up.  You CAN'T let it rule your life".  

I wish I could have his attitude.  I really do !!!   Going 18 months without reoccurance gave me hope that I was in remission,  I didn't worry when I went in 3 months ago - it wouldn't be back - how could it be??!!  I was 18 months in.............. and yet there it was again.  There is a television screen that shows the doctor -- and me -- the inside of my bladder - I saw it - this cauliflower type lump growing in the middle of my bladder and my heart stopped.  It was back!!  it didn't seem fair........... I had just moved to my new apartment - I had just started to find my feet - claim back my life ............. 

I am sorry to go on and on about this........ for now it is foremost in my mind.  It scares me......... it makes me angry .... I even (god try and understand this logic) blame it as part of the reason he didn't want me anymore....... After all who wants to be a care giver to a cancer patient????!!!  

Sue was right the other day in her comment on Fear -- when she said that I will find the strength to face whatever I have to face.  Oh I'm still scared - but I will go through whatever I have to ......... and then get my feet back under me  - and continue on............ 

This is MY cancer ribbon................





5 comments:

Anonymous said...

My husband is a doctor. Please consider looking up the ketonic diet to review its seeming effects on cancer -- low sugar starves the cancer. I don't know its efficacy particularly for bladder cancer.

Downunder Don said...

Hi Morningstar,
As always I am thinking of you

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a very long time and I knew you have dealt with cancer, but for some reason I didn't realize until today that it was bladder cancer. I have to ask - have you not done any BCG treatments? There is a standard protocol of treatment for bladder cancer patients that has an 80% success rate for CURE if administered properly, which means a course of 27 treatments over an almost 3 year period. I know this because I learned about it too late for my father, unfortunately. I'll be happy to share more if you are interested. And I certainly hope for the best for you. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Ordalie said...

Dear Morningstar,
Who told you a leaky bladder was a symptom of bladder cancer? Is it a doctor? Because I've perused the web, googling "symptoms of bladder cancer" and it wasn't mentioning anywhere.
Starting to feel alarmed.
Hurray for your clean bill of health!

morningstar said...

Ordalie - the first sign is blood in the urine - BUT as the blood can be microscopic the lay person may never well see it - I know I never did...

This website was my "go to " web site for information.......

http://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/cancer-type/bladder/signs-and-symptoms/?region=on

and yes as well my doctor told me that a change in frequency is a symptom - one that drives most people to the doctor because it is so annoying and sometime embarrassing.