You have been warned............
I have - for the last few months - virtually disappeared from BDSM - from the community. It just didn't feel like I belonged there anymore
Then last week I guess it was - I noticed an upcoming event - a discussion to take place one evening. I toyed with the idea of going. I got an email that suggested perhaps this was a good time for me to re-appear. So I went.............
The discussion got me thinking about a number of things...... a multitude of things rolling round and round in my head.
the one topic that stayed and kept nagging at my weary brain cells was "after care". I mumbled to a friend sitting opposite me - "best after care is SEX" ...... to which he gave me a thumbs up.
AND before anyone jumps all over me - yes yes I know BDSM does not have to involve sex........ BUT we are talking about after care (were talking about after care) and what it means to individuals.
I am prone to take massive hard beatings - sometimes with some edge play - like knives and/or needles thrown in for good measure.
When I am cut down - let loose - I tend to wander off by myself - i am so deep inside my own head (oh the pretty colours!!) I don't want or need anyone near me. BUT sometime later - who knows how much later - another beast awakens inside me. A burning desire for sex - to be fucked - to be "real" again - to have contact with another body - another human being.
In all my years in BDSM - with all the partners I have played with both Tops and Dominants - I have never actually had that fantasy fulfilled. I say fantasy because that is what it has become.
Usually after care for me was a cigarette - a shawl or a blanket if I was cold - and a pat on the back or a soft drink if my sugars were low. Now don't get me wrong - I do not crave or need being babied after a scene. I don't want to be rolled up in a blanket and cuddled to death. But it occurred to me after this discussion - that it would be nice to be fucked silly after a scene/play time.
It also occurred to me after this discussion - that it would be nice to have some nice rough kinky sex. (are you shocked?? )
I am sure - with my past partners - that they went home after a grueling session with me and fucked their brains out with their significant others. Some (without partners) may have masturbated to the memories of the evening - or to porn (shrug) who knows. I tended to suffer through days of sub drop - of looking at the marks on my body and wondering what the hell possessed me??!! (of course - after a couple of nice hot bubble baths - and many sessions with my trusty vibrator I was right as rain and ready to rock and roll once again)
There was one Top I played with for awhile. A big burly guy. We would play hard - often for an hour or more (sometimes twice a night) ........ and the best memories I have of playing with him - was when He would push his body up tight against mine - pinning me to whatever apparatus I happened to be tied to........ I loved the feel of his hot sweaty body against mine - feel his muscles - his skin - his breath on my neck. That brief moment would reconnect me to the him - to reality - to the world. It was like 'after care' mid scene. (oh and just so you know - no there was never any fucking afterwards - his wife took care of that for him - I had my vibrators remember)
Yeah maybe it was time for me to step back into the lifestyle - on the fringes - get me thinking - get my blood flowing again - and bring back the fantasies and the passion that has so long been absent. Thank you my friend for saying the right words to bring me out ...... and get me talking and thinking ... again.