Wednesday, May 06, 2015
It's funny how people see me as this "together "woman with all the answers - ok maybe not ALL but most.
In reality I am so far from together it isn't even funny. Hell I don't even know how to write this post - it needs to be written - cause 1) maybe someone has some ideas to help me and 2) I need to see it in black and white (so to speak)
What happens now??? Can someone tell me??
At the risk of shocking/overwhelming you .....
I want to be beaten
I want to be tied
I want to hear the primal growl in my ear that makes my knees go weak
I want to be fucked
I want to feel the butterflies in my stomach again.. the anticipation
I want to hear "good girl" or "I'm proud of you" again...
I took the first steps........ I changed my profile on Fetlife - I took a deep breath and just let it pour out....
Initially I got a few responses..... but vague / generic type responses...
"I'll tie you anytime"
"You need a beating - just ask".
Oh yeah and someone even read my "fetish" list and offered to use a strap-on on me..
So what is my problem????
How do I ask?
Each of the responses were from folks in relationships........... I don't want .. GOD I DON'T WANT!! .... a pity scene with anyone... a pity fuck ... a pity tie... know what I mean???
AND I don't want to step on any relationship toes, just for the sake of having a scene.
AND I can't just go to a play party and beg for someone to play with me...... the whole thought of it makes my stomach tie up in knots and makes me want to lock myself in the bathroom and never come out........