Friday, January 30, 2015
State of the Union
Nah not THE state of the union - but the state of OUR union...............
I was thinking last night how things have changed around here... settled down into a comfortable rhythm ........... peek in our window and you would think this was/is a normal vanilla home.
At first I found that very hard to adjust to.......... at first I blamed myself.... at first I thought our union was over............
Now not so much.
I still, from time to time, long for the connection of kink that we had...but that's been slowly dwindling down to soft embers for a long time.
I saw him play with two different women on New Year's eve - saw that gleam in his eye - heard the wicked chuckle - and I knew we would never have that ever again - cause that comes from being "new" .... from the excitement of playing with someone new. I have watched him tease and mind fuck and talk with one of the newbies off in a corner at munches..... I see what we used to have.
I thought it would hurt more than it does... thought I would get all green eyed jealous - but nah not so much.
He has a blog - mostly secret - not something he talks about or advertises but it's there for the finding. I check it out occasionally. I see the kinks he likes. I see the younger women - I see the things that turn him on and know that never in a million years could I be that woman in the picture - sometimes that makes me sad. But it is what it is - right?
Maybe what we need is to be poly? Maybe I need a Top that will beat my ass - tease me and mind fuck me and maybe even fuck me. Maybe we need play partners - and when the play is over come home to each other... to the comfortableness that is now us.
It's no one's fault this change in our state of our union. It just happened... slowly over time. Time eroding the excitement....... the challenge ...the desire.
BUT I still love this man - still wear his collar and his slave ring.......... and hopefully will till the day I die.